Category: Uncategorized

From Good to Grace

MarthaKimball4 Comments

DSC_0027.jpg

The kiddos and I were out this morning spreading mulch around the front flower beds, taking trips back and forth with a borrowed wheelbarrow wagon.  These little ones love to work hard, especially if every trip back and forth is rewarded with a ride in the wagon!  We’ve all come in now to find refuge from the crazy heat (does it feel terribly hot to anyone else for May??) so I have a minute to put up a quick little knittery post.

Over the weekend I cast on a baby gift item, so I can’t share too many details here, but it is really a fun knit so far.  More about it once it has been gifted!

Also, I finished The Awakening of Miss Prim (enjoyed it!) and began reading From Good to Grace: Letting Go of the Goodness Gospel by Christine Hoover.  Friends, this one is meeting me in a very profound way.  There are some things my husband and I are working through, praying over, laying before the Lord, and this book is speaking directly to it.  I bought it back when it was a new release with some saved birthday money last year and its funny how I haven’t felt like it was the right time to read it until now.  The author is addressing her own tendency and battle with legalism/moralism, what she is calling her “goodness addiction,” which is basically whenever we try to earn our way to God, whenever we think we must be “good” for Him, in order to earn His love or favor or grace or salvation.  This is one of my most deeply rooted battles, something I struggle with every single day, and something the Lord must be working to free me from.  Of course, He began speaking to me of this back in my early college days, and its amazing to see the progress He and I have made, and yet sometimes it startles me to see how my “goodness addiction” creeps back in.  I love how the author quotes:

“The Gospel was not my working theology: Mine was moralism and legalism–a religion of duty and self control through human willpower.  The goal was self-justification, not the justification by faith in Christ that the gospel offers.  But, as many people can tell you, moralism and legalism can “pass” for Christianity, at least outwardly, in the good times.  It is only when crises come that you find there is no foundation on which to stand.  And crises are what God used to reveal my heart’s true need for him.”  (Hoover, quoting Rose Marie Miller)

Yes, when life is working for us, working hard to earn God’s favor or to stay in His good graces flies under the radar, and looks an awful lot like Christianity.  We’re productive!  We’re doing good things!  We’re happy-clappy and strong!  We can feel pretty good about ourselves, even a big smug about our work for God.  Maybe a tad reproving of other believers who aren’t as productive as we.  In fact, I believe this heresy is still terribly prevalent in our current church culture, at least here in America.  I feel like since I battle this so deeply, I see it easily in others.  But our crises sift us.  It’s one of the few beautiful gifts that come from a painful trial.

One of the hardest things about this whole past two-year journey dealing with all the ups and downs and life changes that have come with Phoebe’s diagnosis has been the way it has wiped me out.  It has made me feel emotionally and mentally weak.  I don’t know much else how to describe it beyond a feeling like I can’t breathe.  On the hardest days, I’ve literally felt physically short of breath.  An old heart condition of mine began to flare up, and I was back on a heart monitor for a month and seeing a cardiologist.  As far as we could find, there was no physical problem, so the cardiologist told me it must be stress.

I’ve had to pare down a lot of my commitments and focus most of my energy on caring for Phoebe’s particular needs.  I have felt pretty lame as a Christian in the sense of how “small” my circle has been drawn, how very small my efforts seem, how very unable I am to serve in some of the ways I used to and desire to.  Guilt comes easily.  I’ve learned a lot.  I’ve learned that the Christian community isn’t terribly great at letting each other go through seasons of weakness and unproductivity.  The great injustice of suffering something is that not only are you bearing the burden of your ordeal, but then you feel terribly guilty for your weakness in it.  You feel guilty that you aren’t being “a better Christian” in the midst of it.  You feel like you must hide your suffering and struggle and questions.  As Ann Voskamp said in her book The Broken Way, “When the church isn’t for the suffering and broken, then the church isn’t for Christ.”  We can say until we’re blue in the face that we are a place for the broken, but if the broken don’t really feel welcome?  If the broken don’t really feel safe to just BE WEAK and be seemingly useless for a season?

I am just now, just now after almost two years on this journey, just now beginning to surrender to my uselessness before the Lord.  I can’t even describe in words how He has been ministering to me and speaking and carrying and meeting me in ways I do not deserve and can hardly receive.  I have learned that I must ask Him and HIM ALONE what He wants from me.  What does faithfulness look like, Lord, in this season?  What do you want from me?  Not: what does the church want from me?  Not: what does my family want from me?  Not: what do my friends expect of me?  But what do YOU want, Lord?  And His answer:

“Worship.  I desire your worship.  That is all.  In everything you do, in whatever you put your hand to–do it as unto me.  Do it for me.  Find me in it.  Enjoy me.  Receive from me.  Do the hard work of receiving all of me.  I gave myself for you, to you.  I am split open, broken, blood-spilt for you.  Take and drink.  Take and eat.  This is your holy hard work.  This must come before you do any endeavor in my name, and this must be the place from which you continually abide.”

And I believe I am finally learning to rest in Him.  To receive Him.  To be weak before Him, as much as I despise that weakness in myself and wish I could be a star pupil.  I am learning to stop earning what has already been DONE for me.  I am learning to stop trampling His precious blood underfoot as I run about in all my human efforts (Heb. 10:28).  I have tried to do great things for God, when all along He has wanted me to see what great things He has done for me.  I have had my eyes turned inward, when He has wanted them turned upward.

Laying down all this striving?  It feels a lot like a death of sorts.  Death to a way of thinking, a way of living, a former identity.  That old flesh of mine keeps resurrecting, it would seem.  And death feels terribly counter-intuitive and painful to the flesh.  It is plain unnatural.  But it is the upside-down way of the Kingdom of God: whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Matt. 16:25).  Sometimes we have to lose everything we’re clinging to in order to see and know and experience how held we are.

We get to be weak, friends.  We get to be the weak that we are.  He receives us just like this.  He wants us to drink our fill of Him again and again and again.  Maybe His goal isn’t for us to eventually move from our place of weakness to being strong again.  Maybe His goal for us is to remain here.  To remain terribly, painfully aware of our inability and weakness so that we are dependent on Him for every thing.  Maybe thats what He means when He says He uses the weak things of the world to shame the wise (1 Cor. 1:27) rather than saying He transforms the weak into bastions of strength.  If that feels a bit scandalous for you to say (as it does for me) than maybe we’re really not walking in grace like we think we are.  Maybe we really need to revisit the scripture and take a good hard look at what the Gospel is.

Anyway.. My little yarn along post turned into pouring out my heart.  I hope it resonates with someone out there just a little bit.  I hope if it does you’ll consider reading Christine Hoover’s fantastic book, From Good to Grace.

(And just so you know, I don’t get any kickback for promoting her book.  I just share good books because I believe in the power of the written word as a tool for change.  I do always link to amazon and technically am an affiliate with them, but I have never made a single dime off of that affiliation.  Just so you know. 🙂  Because I know I’m skeptical of people like that.  #skepticforlife)

*

I’ve written about this theme many times.  If you’re interested, here are a few of those posts:

You Get to Be Weak
Savoring the Gospel When You Fail
From Legalism to a Feast of Grace

yarn along

MarthaKimball5 Comments

DSC_0131.jpg

I’m late getting this post up!  Summer time is nearly upon us folks, evidenced by the fact that my children are playing outside longer in the evenings and running back out after dinner to make the most of these long sunny days.  Right now they are busy helping daddy dump mulch from the trailer, while I wait for them to come in for dinner.  So I have a minute to get this post up!

I finished the Water rock vest and am just waiting to block it (I think I will need to, to try and add some length) and also finished Phoebe’s socks over the weekend.  I cast on a pair for Philippa immediately, improvising the pattern (using 44 stitches instead of 48) to make the cuff a bit smaller, but now I have to think about the math.  So far its working out!  Here’s to hoping my math works and it fits her.

I picked up this book, Design Mom: How to Live with Kids, from the library on a whim today.  I love flipping through books like this for ideas and inspiration for decorating.  I should clarify that when I talk about “decorating” our home, I mean using what we already have and rearranging it.  Haha. 😉 Such is life when you have little ones and live on one income.  I’m almost done with The Awakening of Miss Prim and have really enjoyed it so far.  It’s been fun to have a totally pleasurable read for the evenings versus something that requires my mind to be awake.  Although I’m craving theology.  Deep, rich theology.

What are you knitting, reading or working on this week?  Here’s to hoping you find some time to make beautiful things and read good books.

Linking up with Crafting On + my knitting friend Being Bodeker.

 

yarn along

MarthaKimball3 Comments

DSC_0011.jpg

I finished Phoebe’s first sock and just turned the heel on the second one this morning.  She is begging me to finish these asap.  Even though NC summer heat is threatening to bear down on us, she wants socks. 🙂  I’m knitting Susan B Anderson’s ribbed socks for kids pattern in Knit Picks stroll gradient yarn (color way unicorn) and I used some leftovers from my “favourite socks” for heels + toes.  So fun and so fast to knit little kid socks.  A very satisfying knit!  But then, I feel like I say that about everything I knit.  Knitting is just satisfying. 🙂

I picked up The Awakening of Miss Prim after Ginny (the originator of the yarn along) mentioned she was going to read it, as she is also looking for some lighthearted fiction.  It captured me immediately and I can’t wait to get in bed at night and dive back into it.  I already don’t want it to end!

No real link up this week, except linking arms with my knitting friend over at the Being Bodeker blog. 🙂  
Affiliate links included in this post.

my campside

MarthaKimball6 Comments

DSC_0002DSC_0010DSC_0014DSC_0015DSC_0020DSC_0021DSC_0025DSC_0034 (1)DSC_0030DSC_0033DSC_0040DSC_0045DSC_0046DSC_0052DSC_0058DSC_0059DSC_0061 (1)DSC_0066DSC_0068DSC_0069DSC_0074DSC_0053DSC_0080

The work of creating is important work for me.  I’m learning that I’m a maker, and I love making things–bringing beauty, even simple and small, into our ordinary days.  Bringing order from chaos.  It’s a good work.

Knitting small stitches from soft fiber–one small stitch after another, little ordered steps in a long arduous journey following a path laid out for me–ending in a beautiful finish.  Ending with something functional, satisfying, luxurious, beautiful.  It is a good reminder to me of the work I am doing as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend, as a child of God–small seemingly inconsequential steps on a long and arduous journey.  It will result in something beautiful.  Our work is, as the scriptures say, producing something, working for us an eternal glory that far outweighs the trouble we’ve gone through (2 Cor. 4:17).  Maybe it seems silly, but finishing a creative project is satisfying to me in that way–our small steps and small obediences are producing something beautiful, friends.  Let’s keep on until the finish.

I finished my Campside Shawl weeks ago and have worn it almost every day since then.  (Which is why it took me so long to block it–so glad that I did though!  It opened up the eyelet sections and made it even larger/cozier.)  It is crazy warm, squishy and cozy.  I didn’t know if I would wear a shawl, feels sort of old-lady-ish, but I am!  I’ve loved just throwing it over my shoulders for a quick warm layer during this spring season.  It is such a cheery yellow and it makes me think of camping in the woods, which I can’t wait to do soon (will take my campside with me!)  Knit it Madelinetosh, color way Harvest.

yarn along

MarthaKimball4 Comments

DSC_0042 (1).jpg

Phoebe and I did school yesterday sprawled out on a blanket under a great spreading maple in our backyard.  We began reading The Penderwicks.  I’m not even sure what led me to this book but I remember hearing somewhere along the way recommendations of it.  We’ve been listening to The Little House on the Prairie series on audio books, too, and Phoebe’s been re-inspired to run through the yard with her bonnet strings dangling around her neck like Laura.

I’m still not reading much lately.  Odd for me, I know,  but by the time evening comes and I’m free to read I just don’t have much brain power left.  I’m in need of some light hearted stories, so if you have any book recommendations, I’d love to hear them!

I’ve mainly been working on my waterrock vest for the Appalachian Knits spring KAL that I’m participating in.  The designer of the pattern is my friend from middle + high school days, Jennifer, and she is the one who taught me to knit!  So it’s really fun working on her pattern.  Everything she makes is gorgeous.  I’ve almost finished the body and ready to begin arm hole shaping.  I’m adding another inch or so to the body since this is a cotton/linen blend yarn and I plan to wash/dry it, so I’m adding length to account for shrinkage.  Plus I have a long torso, I think.  Anyway, I’m really enjoying knitting it.  I’ve started some socks for Phoebe too and I plan to knit a couple pairs for each of the kids and eventually a pair for myself too.

Joining with Nicole’s Crafting On, a weekly craft link up, as well as another knitting friend here.

 

family egg hunt

MarthaKimballLeave a comment

DSC_0264DSC_0273DSC_0320DSC_0004DSC_0009DSC_0010DSC_0014DSC_0015DSC_0020DSC_0021DSC_0031DSC_0034 (1)DSC_0035 (1)DSC_0036 (1)DSC_0038DSC_0040DSC_0042DSC_0045DSC_0051DSC_0054DSC_0059DSC_0061 (1)DSC_0063DSC_0066DSC_0069DSC_0071DSC_0072DSC_0074DSC_0083DSC_0089DSC_0093DSC_0096DSC_0106DSC_0110DSC_0112DSC_0113DSC_0121DSC_0124DSC_0126DSC_0128DSC_0130DSC_0137DSC_0145

After editing and loading all those pictures, I’m too worn out to say much!  Whew!  I’m just so thankful to have some of my loved ones nearby, to get to gather on special occasions and ordinary occasions, to work together (as we all do in one way or another), and to be there and alongside one another.  It’s not perfect and we aren’t as close as I think we all wish we were, in the busyness of this season with little ones.  But it is good.  And we are filled with thanks.  We celebrated Easter with our church family on Sunday morning, then met up at my parents house nearby before dinner, had an egg hunt (eggs filled with stickers, sidewalk chalk and bubbles, since Phoebe can’t have candy right now).  It’s fun to see the children enjoy something small and simple together, and to witness the delight on their faces while hunting for treasures.  My parents made a delicious gluten-free easter meal and I contributed some homemade strawberry basil ice cream.  How precious these little ones are, loving each other so much, growing up so fast.  And best of all, our faithful God, making a way for us to know Him and be with Him.

 

yarn along

MarthaKimball6 Comments

DSC_0014.jpg

My yarn along posts have been missing lately, due to all the craziness of moving and settling, but also because my beloved Ginny of Small Things has decided to stop hosting the weekly yarn along link-up.  Sob.  I really miss the weekly community and chatter of knitters, many of whom somehow have become friends over the strange world of the internet.  I don’t know exactly what I’ll do in the wake of all of this, whether I’ll still share regularly or not, but somehow the weekly posts helped encourage me to finish projects and to read more, and I miss that.  I’ve been hardly reading at all since moving, I think I just need a good light-hearted book.  Any recommendations?

I’m working on a few projects, mainly a water rock vest that my friend designed (and gifted me the pattern!!  She is the most generous + sweet person).  Knitting it in Knit Picks CotLin yarn, which is new to me and really soft to work with–and inexpensive!  Then I recently cast on a featherweight cardigan for myself.  I bought this yarn awhile ago with Christmas money and it is dreamy in every way.  It’s Madelinetosh Euro Sock in color way Cold Shoulder.  So soft, such a perfect dusty lavender with flecks of mauve.  It’s the most indulgent knitting, and I’m trying not to fly through it as my yarn funds have run out!

By the way, I’ve finished my campside shawl awhile ago and I haven’t even had a chance to block it or weave in ends.  I’ve been wearing it nonstop, unwoven ends a-dangling.  I love it love it love it and think it’s my favorite knit so far.

I’ve been reading/browsing through this design/decorating book, A Touch of Farmhouse Charm with a ton of do-able and cute DIY projects as inspiration for our old/new home. 🙂  It’s a 1950s rancher, but I intend to have a touch of farmhouse charm up in here.

Happy knitting and reading friends, wherever you may be!

Joining with Nicole’s Crafting On and also my new knitterly friend Being Bodecker.
Affiliate links included.

 

hope + a new beginning

MarthaKimball8 Comments

DSC_0008DSC_0012DSC_0017DSC_0018DSC_0023DSC_0026unnamed-1DSC_0020

In the early morning dark, all sleeping in one room at the Ronald McDonald house, we woke Phoebe up to prepare for her procedure.  Brandon had already run out to get starbucks for he and I, and then we gave her the sweater that I had knit per her request (and her pick of yarn).  We also gave her the unicorn as a gift, for her bravery, discipline, and perseverance in this three month intensive part of her journey.  So, wrapped up in that knitted love and comfort, and snuggling “Rosie,” she went back into her procedure.  I was with her until she was just going to sleep, and it makes me cry every time to walk away from her and leave her there, but it was a small measure of comfort to see her snuggled up in that bright yarn and snuggling her new friend.

We have heard back about the pathology report from Phoebe’s recent endoscopy.  Her intestines are showing full healing, healthy whole villi, and little to no active celiac damage.  You guys!!!  We are FLOORED.  We are in shock, disbelief.  It feels like a miracle.  You guys have prayed us through, you have prayed for our girl and God has answered!

Now, we aren’t totally through the woods yet.  Her blood work showed still elevated levels of inflammation, which is a bit perplexing.  I’ve heard different opinions about what this can mean, and I’m still waiting on a call back from the Winston Salem doctor about having another pathologist look over her biopsy results.  So I’ve been sitting on the results for a few days waiting, but I know so many of you are waiting and asking and wanting to know the results and I didn’t want to keep you waiting.  Especially on, what we feel, is still SUCH good news!

Is it all over?  Is the worst behind us?  I don’t know.  We still have a lot of work before us in helping Phoebe grow and in encouraging her to eat more/healthfully.  We plan to do some work with a naturopath going forward.  She will have quarterly blood checks and regular weight/height checks so we can monitor progress.  We believe God has been speaking to us about this season of intense difficulty coming to an end, but my heart is so tender and fearful to hope.  It’s easier to brace for the next wave of the trial sometimes than it is to rest in HOPE and faith.  So you can pray for that for Brandon and I.  Of course, we know that we aren’t fully out of the woods yet, it is too soon, but we do hope that from here we will see our girl flourish.

To those of you who have prayed for this miracle: how can we ever thank you enough?  You have prayed life and healing over our girl and we believe we are seeing these shocking results because of your prayers!  God promises that our prayers are effective and powerful (James 5:16) and that they can make an actual difference in things like this.  God cares about healing and bringing wholeness and restoration, as we saw Jesus constantly healing all the sick ones that He came in contact with, and as we are told that this was part of His earthly mission (Luke 4:18).  It is still part of His mission: taking back the lost ground, healing the broken parts, mending the ruined world, glorifying Himself and making His power and might known in our midst.

To those of you who have donated funds so that we can afford these treatments for Phoebe and so that we can continue her medical testing, how can we ever thank you enough?  You have been a huge part of this process and this result.  You have provided relief and help in a very tangible way to our family.  You have, more importantly, just overwhelmed our hearts with encouragement, with the sense that you are behind us, for us, and with us.  We know one day we will be able to bless others financially as you have blessed us, and we eagerly look forward to returning the blessing.  We will do so in the small ways that we can now.

We will keep everyone posted as we know more about Phoebe and as we continue on this journey.  For now Phoebe’s diet will change slowly and with a different approach than anything we have tried thus far.  She is already so pleased just to have her beloved cereal, and slowly we will phase in other things, but will also phase out things we don’t believe she tolerates well.  I will still need to make most of her food from scratch and from carefully chosen sources, so there is still a bit of work ahead for me in trail + error.

As my mother-in-law gently but firmly encouraged me last night, we will rest in this healing.  That this is the beginning, a new beginning, and we are thankful to our Faithful God and to you!

 

Happy Easter!

MarthaKimball2 Comments

DSC_0301DSC_0312DSC_0314DSC_0317DSC_0320DSC_0324DSC_0308

Unfortunately Brandon didn’t make it into the photos this year 😦 😦 but maybe I will snag a few of him later when we do an egg hunt.  I know I’ve been absent on here lately, and I have so much to share soon!  But for now, a few photos to say hello and Happy Easter!  Easter isn’t about pretty dresses and baskets full of treats, but we are still thankful for those things.

In the midst of all of life’s complexities, our Risen Living Savior, unchanging and steadfast, is the anchor of our soul and the joy of our hearts.  He makes our hearts sing.  We praise you especially today, Jesus, that you FINISHED the work the Father set before you, that you kept your eyes fixed on the goal and you ran your race, the one that only you could run, and you won the prize.  You are our prize and we are your prize, somehow in the mystery of grace.  You make our hearts sing for joy today.

 

She’s our girl

MarthaKimball6 Comments

DSC_0039.jpg

Well, it’s time.  I’ve been resisting this for some time, praying over it for a long time, talking it over with our church family, with our small group family, seeking wisdom and checking motives.  I’ve long since moved past resistance to acceptance, and then waiting for the right time, waiting for God’s time and for our move to a new home to be behind us.

This week Phoebe faces another endoscopy.  This will be her third, and I’m hopeful it could be her last.  She has finally finished the three-month dietary course we have been on and now we can take another look inside and see if she has improved.  Since her last endoscopy showed extreme and active celiac damage (as if she was still intaking gluten) after a year and a half on a very strict household-wide gluten-free diet (along with a gluten-free lifestyle in all other products we use), the doctors wanted her on an even more extreme elimination diet of no processed foods, nothing that comes through a facility of any sort.  Everything she eats has to be fresh fruit, vegetables, meats, some simple dairy sources, honey, olive oil, eggs, etc.  Being that she never eats meat or vegetables without gagging/vomiting, it has been quite a challenge to endure for three months.  She has been amazing–but it has brought her to tears many times.  This diet is for the sole purpose of proving whether or not she is super sensitive to even trace amounts of gluten allowed in gluten-free products (most labeled “gluten-free allow 20 parts per million, and certified GF products allow 5 ppm) and/or whether or not she is considered “refractory,” which means her body is not healing even on the strictest GF diet.

So what we are hoping and praying to see on this endoscopy is healthy, healed, whole villi waving around in her small intestine.  Would you pray for that alongside me?

A short time ago a group of strong men, the elders of our church, tenderhearted and gentle, gathered in a circle while Phoebe knelt on the floor in their midst, distracted with some coloring.  They held hands around her, some laid hands on Brandon and I kneeling beside her, some laid hands on her.  And we prayed.  They prayed.  They prayed over Brandon and I.  They prayed for healing for our girl.  They prayed boldly and asked for miraculous healing.  They prayed for protection over our marriage.  They prayed for financial provision.  We knelt and we received it, like being washed in a healing rain.

The thing about having a chronically ill child is that the impact of it happens on so many levels.  The emotions and mental anguish over a child don’t stay in a neat and tidy box, nothing really remains untouched by the life change at some point.  Everything is affected.  The emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, financial, marital impact of it all is continuous, overlapping and crashing into one another like waves on a tumultuous sea.  The weight of worry, the gnaw of fear, the spiritual battle for trust and faith and joy in the face of an uncertain future and so much helplessness–it wears on me, it wears on Brandon, it wears on us all, I’m sure.  This whole journey with Phoebe–it has changed me in a way that only grief, pain, suffering, and agony can.  Those of you who have walked through that dark valley–you know what I mean.

The thing about have a chronically ill child is that you go from just parenting to a heightened level of care-taking.  Everything could be a symptom, everything must be watched and monitored.  There really isn’t ever a time when your guard can be down and you can breathe easy, except in choosing to trust God no matter what the health outcome of your child may be.  The ramifications of having a chronically ill child are far-reaching.  The opportunities she misses out on.  The things I have to say “no” to for her that make her resentful with me, even while I fight for her life.  It is hard and costly and in so many ways, we have borne it out quietly because it feels to soon and too deep and too personal to share all that God has done and is doing in us through this.

We’ve tried for a long time to just shoulder the financial burden, feeling like if God has entrusted this disease to us, surely He will provide all we need to treat it.  I think the major and obvious oversight there was that we would be able to do that alone–without the help of the Body of Christ.  I feel like God has led us to a point where we must depend on others, on the body at large.  We simply have no other choice.  I believe He desires for us to see that YES He will sufficiently provide for all we need through the help of others.  The church is His chosen vehicle for caring for the brokenness in the world.  Christ is in the midst of her, in the midst of us, and the church is His hands and feet to the broken, hurting, sick, needy.  It is so much easier to be on the “giving” end of the spectrum, far more humbling and hard to be on the “receiving” end.  I find myself far more comfortable with being the one to reach out and help others than being the one asking for help.  I have questioned my motives, been in denial, etc. etc., but the reality remains: we have done what we can, we will continue to do what we can to just pay our bills and provide for what Phoebe needs.  But we can’t do it all, and we can’t do it alone anymore.

A sweet woman from our church was on the phone with me asking me about how we are doing with all of this financially and when I poured out the reality of our circumstances and how we feel like we’re drowning silently under the load, she so lovingly reminded me that many people love Phoebe and love us and want to help, but don’t know that we are in need in this way.  She reminded me that it is a gift and a privilege for those who get to give to our need, that they are blessed to do so and not to steal from them that awesome joy.

These words settled immediately in my soul:  She’s our girl.  Yours and mine.  Yes of course she belongs to Brandon and I in the most basic sense, God has entrusted her to us as her parents.  But so many of you who know Phoebe personally and also via what I share of her life on this blog, so many of you love her so.  So many of you know she is hilarious, quirky, vivacious, incredibly outgoing, creative, imaginative, bold, and sanguine.  She is a delight to know!  I think she makes everyone she is around feel like they are her favorite.  She has so much love in her heart it bursts and bubbles out over anyone and everyone she sees each day.  She is wonderful to know and to love, and so many of you adore her alongside Brandon and I.  So many of you have asked how you can help as we battle for life and health for her.  Of course we need prayer!  We are doing all we know to do for her physically.  There is only so much we can do to intervene medically and naturopathically before we realize that there is this great helplessness and dependence on the God who made her body and the God who alone can heal her internally.

So pray with us!  But also–if you are able, if you are willing, if you love our girl and want to invest in her life and in this health journey, then consider giving to us financially as well.  It feels so icky and weird to say it, and I want to make a ton of defensive statements about the medical bills stacked on my counter, the way we’re managing money, etc., but I don’t feel like I should.  I wouldn’t want you to do anything you don’t feel led to do, and I entrust our needs to our great God.

My sister so sweetly began a Go Fund Me for us a few weeks ago.  She has shared it with friends and family and some of you, MANY of you, have already donated there!  But many of you also contacted me to say that you didn’t want to donate through Go Fund Me since they take a percentage of the funds raised.  Some of you have wanted to just send us a personal check, which is wonderful and you can contact me for my address if that is what you would rather do.  I am also creating a fundraising link through You Caring as they have come recommended to me by other families who had health crises and raised funds through You Caring.  You Caring is safe and secure, and also 100% of funds raised go to the recipient.  If you would feel more comfortable giving in that way, the link is here:

https://www.youcaring.com/thekimballfamily-792262

Know that every little bit will go to Phoebe’s medical costs and treatments and is a HUGE and tangible way you can help us.  She’s our girl, isn’t she?

Thank you guys so much in advance for blessing us with your prayer, with your love for our family and our Phoebe girl especially.  Thank you for believing God for miracles for her.  Thank you for investing in her life, pursuing her health and wholeness.  Thank you for encouraging us!  I cannot tell you how speechless and humbled and awed we have been by the money that has already been raised.  I want to thank each one of you who have given.  It has brought me to tears many times.  So humbled, so awed.  I just look to the Lord and say, “You bless them, God!  You pour out your rich abundance on those who would so graciously give to us.  You bless them in ways we cannot possibly.  You return the generosity and heap it right back on their heads.”  What an awesome God we serve.  We can rest in Him.  He sees us.  He knows.  He ANSWERS.  I am floored by Him forever.  All praise and glory to Him forever!

DSC_0072.jpg