yarn along

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I’m kniting on my Lila sleeve number two, and loving this project so much. ¬†I can’t wait to wear it but also never want it to end! ūüôā ¬†No second sleeve syndrome over here. ¬†I did, however, cast on for a pair of baby socks for a friend and also need to finish up another small gift item for someone else, as well. ¬†So I’m forcing myself to set aside my lila for a few days. ¬†Maybe.

I am crazy, crazy I know.. because I selected two books to review this month while I’m packing and moving and trying to buy a house because I simply don’t have enough to do already. ¬†Actually, I just couldn’t resist these books! ¬†I cannot wait to dive into this one on motherhood. ¬†I need regular motherhood check-ups in this busy season of Long Days of Small Things. ¬†This title grabbed me immediately and I so hope this book lives up to my expectations! ¬†I HOPE to review it this month,¬†so I will let you know what I think. ¬†I did finish up The Broken Way, I tried to make it last as long as I could. ¬†I didn’t allow myself to mark it up at all because I just wanted to savor and read and let it wash over me. ¬†I loved it so, so very much, and will be rereading it maybe immediately. ¬†And this time mark it up. ¬†Please go get a copy of it! ¬†Ann is such a gift and such an encouragement to me time and again. ¬†And, if you notice, she also endorses the above book.

I’m linking up with Ginny’s weekly yarn along and also Nicole’s KCCO. ¬†
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keeping rhythm

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Only two weeks now until we say goodbye to this little house and move on out. ¬†We have been spending the last number of weekends packing in big spurts, then trying to keep life going normally during the week. ¬†We packed the books on Saturday and our home feels a bit colorless and empty without them. ¬†There is so much to do, as anyone who has ever packed and moved knows well. ¬†But in the middle of it, life goes on, and I try to keep some semblance of normalcy going. ¬†Our daily and weekly work–cooking, schooling, reading, cleaning, outside play, trips to the library and grocery store, knitting for me in the evenings after the kids are in bed.

Thus, my random smattering of photos.  The children spread out on the floor watching movies.  Finding Philippa after nap time on top of her bookcase, having colored all over her hands and dress in colors that actually coordinated her dress.  Kombucha batches brewing on the counter, catching the afternoon light.  Children playing and snuggling and reading books on my bed.  Little random moments that make my heart happy and light and keep me grounded.

I feel that I can share with you now that we are under contract on a home, but won’t close until the end of March. ¬†We are excited but also trying to keep our emotions in check until everything goes through. ¬†It has been such an up and down journey, certainly not what we ever would have expected. ¬†Since we have about a month of limbo between this home and our new home, a sweet friend has offered for us to live in their new home in the meantime. ¬†We will put most of our stuff in storage and live fairly minimally during¬†our time there, so I’m not sure how diligently I will be blogging. ¬†Be praying if you think of it for the children, that they handle this transition well. ¬†I think they are mostly excited and will be resilient in the midst of it, and I’m guessing it will throw Philippa¬†off the most, as she has only lived in this home and has a strong love for being home, not usually sleeping well anywhere else. ¬†I’m hoping by keeping some of our family rhythms going, we can provide a sense of consistency.

All this upheaval and change in the midst of our ongoing battle for Phoebe’s health and the uncertain future ahead has me so thankful¬†that we make our home in God alone, wherever we are wandering on this earth. ¬†He is our home, He is our security. ¬†He is our constant in a wild storm. ¬†There really can be peace in the midst of the tumult. ¬†Why do I forget this every time? ¬†Sometimes every day? ¬†I am thankful also for that sense that wherever Brandon is, wherever my children are, that is where home is for me. ¬†What kind of walls hold us and who owns them doesn’t matter too terribly much. ¬†Trials¬†of any sort always pare life down to the basics, the simple and small things that matter most.

In Him we live and move and have our being. (Acts 17:28)

fifteen years

I originally wrote this post last year, and many of you have heard my story of rescue. But for those who are new to my blog, or those who haven’t heard it before, this day is always a special day of memorial for me, and I wanted to share it with you.

everything He gives

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Fifteen years of undeserved life + breath.  Fifteen years, a gift.  We all know that each day we are alive is truly a gift, each new morning another day He has chosen to give us.  But I remember laying in the freezing dark cold of that snow, wet and shivering, being fully aware that this might be my last day.  We talked about it, my sister and I, as we clung to each other and to any semblance of warmth in that makeshift snowcave.  We knew God would be good even if He chose to end our lives in this way, on this mountain, at the ages of 16 and 20 years old.  He could have, but He didn’t.  In the swirl of emotions following our rescue, the way it felt to see a helicopter with men smiling and waving over us, the way it felt to be helped onto that…

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yarn along

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Still knitting on my Lila sweater, about half way through the first sleeve.  This yarn and pattern are pure comfort.

Still reading The Broken Way. ¬†I just read the part last night where Voskamp talks about Lark at Elizabeth’s funeral, so it was neat to hear that little mention of Ginny and her family.

Joining with Ginny today and her weekly yarn along where we share our current reads and knits, and also with Nicole of Frontier Dreams.
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yarn along

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I cast on for the Kingsley hat a few days ago and finished it up last night. ¬†I still need to block it and can’t wait to wear it. ¬†It fits perfectly and it’s the first hat I’ve knitted for myself. ¬†I really enjoyed the pattern and will definitely be knitting it again. ¬†I originally wanted to make the slouchy version of the hat but was using stashed yarn and ran out, but I still really like the way the fitted version fits. ¬†It’s still roomy enough for me, and I may add a pom pom as well. ¬†I’m still knitting on my Lila sweater and just about done with the body.

Still reading The Broken Way.  Struck and sitting with the concept this week (from my reading) that God believes in me.  It sounds cheesy to say, I realize.  But it is gripping.

Joining with Ginny’s weekly yarn along today.
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all things new

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January slips by quiet. ¬†The world is all in a rage, my head spins with it all. ¬†My own little world hidden in these four walls spins, too. ¬†We begin packing. ¬†We are moving from this rental because our landlord plans to sell it to a friend next month. ¬†We plod along with schooling, with work on Phoebe’s health. ¬†It seems most days I can barely keep up with the demands. ¬†The kids and I have been sick for the last couple of weeks with a bad respiratory virus. ¬†We’ve been inside and home more than usual, letting them rest and heal. ¬†On the sunnier and warmer days, we’ve been out, walking our usual routes in the neighborhood. ¬†I’m saying goodbye in my own slow way, imprinting things in my memory, detaching, shifting. ¬†I’m thankful for some¬†time left to do that.

For many years, since college really, I’ve leaned in close and quiet at the beginning and end of each year. ¬†Many people make goals and dream dreams, and I’m all for that, and often have a few quiet goals of my own. ¬†But the passing of each year heightens my awareness that time is slipping by, speeding onward. ¬†My life is being spent faster than I realize. ¬†What interests me most in the reflection on that is what the Lord is doing in these days. ¬†In the last weeks of December, I’m prayerfully asking Him to direct my steps in the coming year, specifically in the Scriptures. ¬†I seek a word form Him, usually a theme for the coming year, something He is going to teach me from scripture, something He wants me to attend to. ¬†Last year He led me to Psalm 93. ¬†He seemed to say that the coming year (2016) was going to feel a bit like being in a tumult of rising waters, but He reminded me that He sits enthroned above the waters. ¬†He is sovereign and mighty to save. ¬†That scripture ministered to me over and over again in the year as we faced one of the hardest years of our married lives. ¬†I think it’s what kept my head above water. ¬†I felt a bit of trepidation asking Him again this past December what He would say to me about 2017. ¬†The week of Christmas we received some of the worst and scariest news yet about Phoebe’s recovery/health and also flooded with medical bills we have no way to pay. ¬†At the same time, our landlord called to inform us we had two months to find a new place to live. ¬†I have cried a lot of tears. ¬†I have been brought low, back to the painful and sweet place where I remember that my God is sufficient, He is all I need, He is my strong refuge, my reward, my shield, the lifter of my head. ¬†It’s that place where whatever¬†my heart is¬†set upon gets¬†sifted and¬†my soul remembers its true end. ¬†I am made for God and nothing else will satisfy. ¬†Not even a secure home to live in. ¬†Not even the basic finances we need, or the health of my child. ¬†He is able to provide these things, and I am confident He will take care of us. ¬†But my heart cannot be set on my changing circumstances. ¬†They are fickle and uncertain.

In the tumult of these emotions and the quiet place of just being laid bare before the Lord, He spoke to me Revelation 21:5: ¬†“Behold, I am making all things new.” ¬†He kept speaking it to me everywhere I would turn, though my heart resisted it. ¬†Resisted hope. ¬†Hope is painful! ¬†It’s easier to brace for disappointment. ¬†It’s part of why¬†it’s been hard for me to write about it on the blog–there’s a part of me still afraid to hope. ¬†What does He mean that He is making all things new? ¬†Will we see our girl finally turn a corner this year and truly and fully recover? ¬†Will we find a home that we love, a place to raise our little brood, a place to set down roots and live out the kingdom? ¬†Will we find some rest this year from the onslaught of difficulty? ¬†I can’t say. ¬†Maybe we will be made new, even as our difficulties continue.

We walk quiet through the familiar trails, children happy to be in the sun and fresh air. ¬†Everything seems colorless, bleak, brown. ¬†Winter. ¬†I breathe deep. ¬†It’s bleak and barren now, but spring is barely a whisper on the wind. ¬†It will burst into color soon enough. ¬†One way or another, all this death, destined¬†for a resurrection.

yarn along

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I set aside my Lila for a week or two because I thought I had knitted an extra 3 inches past the first side shaping. ¬†I¬†was nervous to rip it back and also just frustrated. ¬†So I cast on a hat for Noah with the last skein of the Shelter yarn from his sweater. ¬†(He had asked for a green hat and sweater.) ¬†It was my first time doing cables and it was fun! ¬†I finished that up in a couple of days and then picked back up the Lila and with fresh eyes realized that I had only added about 2.5 inches and I was planning on adding about 2 inches in length anyway. ¬†So I just knitted on. ¬†Why do our brains do this to us?! ¬†I’m so happy to be back knitting it because it is the most relaxing knit. ¬†I’m needing something mindless¬†lately, as life has been so full and overwhelming. ¬†Everyone here (except for Brandon) has been sick with a respiratory virus, and Philippa developed an ear infection to boot. ¬†I am prepping to begin packing up the house for our move. ¬†Etc., etc.

I’m still reading The Broken Way, and probably will be for awhile. ¬†It is so timely. ¬†I’ve been reading Watchman Nee’s old classic The Normal Christian Life as part of my morning study time for the last number of weeks (highly recommend), and it’s amazing how much it reverberates the same message about a cross-shaped life. ¬†The two books seem to be talking back and forth to one another. ¬†Isn’t that just how God works?

Joining with Ginny.  
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