the shelves – Page 21 – everything He gives

yarn along

January 27, 2016 MarthaKimball3 Comments

Joining in with Ginny today to share what I’m knitting and reading. I finished Hannah’s Choice last night, and I really loved it! I read Almost Amish a couple of years ago and learned a lot about the Amish lifestyle and how much we can learn and appreciate from their simple ways and values. Hannah’s Choice was a really engaging novel about an Amish family and their attempt to raise their children apart from an increasingly encroaching world of outsiders. I grew up in a “Brethren” type of gathering/meeting, and I found it interesting, reading about this family and the way they viewed those outside of their faith. I found certain aspects reminded me of my upbringing. Also, the author mentioned that this story, though fiction, was based on her own family’s history, an attempt for her to fill in the gaps after doing a bunch of genealogical research. So it was definitely a story very rooted in place and history. It was a really interesting read, I loved being hooked on a story again and unable to put it down. And it’s the first book in a series, so book two will come out this fall. Yay!

Anyway, I’ve started The Life-Giving Home by Sally + Sarah Clarkson. I have read a couple others by Sally Clarkson before and have really been helped by them. I was surprised to find that this one starts off with her on a writing retreat in my very own town, Asheville, NC! It’s fun to see her perspective on this little town I’ve grown up in that seems so ordinary to me. So far, though I’m only barely into it, it reminds me of The Hidden Art of Homemaking by Edith Schaeffer, which is a FAVORITE read of mine. So I think I will really enjoy this one as well. I find it super helpful to regularly read things that encourage and inspire me in my role as wife and mother and homemaker. Creating a home that is cozy, inspiring, happy, and life-giving is a huge priority of mine!

As for knitting, I’ve been working on finishing up some knits this week, but just about to graft the toe of Brandon’s first sock and cast on sock #2 this morning. He tried them on last night and really liked them, and he’s fairly picky, so I was pleased! I also need to secretly knit a hat before his birthday next week. I have a few more gift-y items to finish up and then I feel like I should knit myself something! I have yet to knit anything for myself. I’m wanting to try something beyond socks and hats. I feel like it’s time to attempt my first shawl? But also.. I want to make some more baby knits. So many things!

Parables

January 23, 2016January 23, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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“Turn to his teaching, and see if anyone else ever spoke so simply as he did. A child can comprehend his parables. There are, in them, hidden truths which are a mystery even to Christ’s deeply-taught disciples; but Christ never mystified his hearers. He talked to them like a child. . .He never laid aside the simplicity of childhood, though he had all the dignity of fully-developed manhood. He wore his heart upon his sleeve, and spoke out what was in his mind in such plain, clear language that the poorest of the poor, and the lowest of the low were eager to listen to him.”

C. H. Spurgeon

I’ve been reading slowly, savoring my way through the Gospels for a solid year. I just finished Luke and am headed into John, the final Gospel account. I have craved daily life with Jesus, daily walking with Him, to remember where He put His feet, who His hands reached out to touch, who He noticed, who He welcomed, who He rebuked. I have needed to hear those red-letter words day-in and day-out. It has been such a rich time just soaking slowly, line by line.

Thus, when John MacArthur’s latest book, Parables: the mysteries of God’s kingdom revealed through the stories Jesus told, came up for review, I was drawn instantly toward it, hungry to read more about the parables, the stories Jesus told. The ways He taught about the Kingdom, the way He always came with stories, stories, stories. The way He unveiled the mysteries of the Kingdom to us, to His listeners, in the stories He told. The way He showed us that the Kingdom is not merely some high and lofty religious ideal; it meets the ground of our earth, our dust. The way He showed us that we can best understand the Kingdom by observing mustard seeds, pearls, soil, the ways of the farmer, yeast and dough, the beggar, the downcast sinner versus the upright Pharisee, a wayward child. The way He revealed to us that this world He formed and fashioned and set in motion, this world that He even today upholds and sustains down to the smallest detail, is rife with truth, with His meaning, His character, hints of His kingdom and ways.

“Jesus’ parables had a clear twofold purpose: They hid the truth from the self-righteous or self-satisfied people who fancied themselves too sophisticated to learn from Him, while the same parables revealed truth to eager souls with childlike faith–those who were hungering and thirsting for righteousness. Jesus thanked His Father for both results: ‘I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes. Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in Your sight’ (Matt. 11:25-26).” (MacArthur)

MacArthur begins by explaining what parables are, and why Jesus used these as His main teaching method. He corrects some sloppy thinking about Jesus’ parables. Then he spends the rest of the book studying 10 different parables. As a result, you find yourself learning about the intricacies of the Pharisees and their Sabbath observance, the farming techniques of the day, the way soil and seed interact, the cost of discipleship, justice, grace, the conflict between Jews and Samaritans, justification by faith, and so forth, and what each of these things has to teach us about the Kingdom of God. You realize how much ground Jesus covered in these simple stories He told. How much He has given us to chew on, how richly He extended the beauties of the Kingdom to those who would have ears to hear. I have thoroughly enjoyed spending this time with MacArthur’s perspective on each of these parables and have been so encouraged and edified. His book is a happy read, clear exposition and fascinating, a great accompaniment to a study of the Gospels or just to familiarize oneself with Jesus’ parabolic form of teaching. For the seasoned student of Scripture, it will bring new light to all the dearly-loved parables. For the newer student of Scripture, it gives a treasure trove of insight to what can, at first glance, seem so simple. For those hungry for more of Jesus, to spend more time in His footsteps, to know more of who He is, to experience and see His Kingdom, you will find food for you soul in these pages.

Thank you to BookLook Bloggers for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

yarn along

January 20, 2016 MarthaKimball4 Comments

I’ve been working on Brandon’s socks now, almost done with the foot of sock one. Since they weren’t done by Christmas, maybe I’ll have them done by his birthday in a couple of weeks? 😉 Since he never reads my blog, I can safely tell you I will probably knit him a chunky warm hat, too. He hasn’t asked me to make him anything yet, but he asks every time I start something new “and who is that for?” I think he’s quietly waiting for his turn. I finished up the hat I was knitting last week (made up the pattern). Here is Phoebe modeling it, and then myself (picture snapped by Phoebe)! It’s a gift for a loved one.

I’m reading a few books right now, but this one came in the mail yesterday and I just started it. I am only one chapter in so I can’t tell you what I think just yet. I find I rarely read fiction these days and I’m in need of some good stories to get lost in. I’m hoping this is one of them! It’s about a girl from an Amish family in 1842 who has two marriage proposals, one offering her the home + life she craves near her family + faith, the other offering her an adventure West. I’m hoping she goes with option #2 for some reason. I’m drawn to everything prairie-life, alaska-related + homestead-y right now. Do tell if you know of other books in that genre!

Anyway.. I can hardly focus because this is what I’m seeing outside of my window from my desk. FINALLY!

Joining up with Ginny + all the other lovely knitters and readers at her blog today! Hop over there for great reading + knitting suggestions.

7 Women

November 19, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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I don’t typically pick historical or biographical books, it seems, but when Eric Metaxas’s 7 Women: And the Secret of their Greatness came up for review, I immediately snagged it. After reading Metaxas’s biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer last year, I knew I would enjoy pretty much anything he writes. His way of writing is very engaging, while at the same time being rich, heady and occasionally humorous.

In the follow-up, or compliment, to his previous book on 7 Men: And the Secret of Their Greatness, this book examines the lives of seven women who changed the course of history: Joan of Arc, Susanna Wesley, Hannah More, Maria Skobtsova, Corrie Ten Boom, Rosa Parks, and Mother Teresa. I was familiar with a few of those women, but really digging into their lives brought a whole new level of understanding. Each of these women were truly, in many ways, ordinary women who became extraordinary primarily by their sold-out obedience to God. Each women faced seemingly insurmountable difficulties: armies and the brutality of war, abandonment by husbands, great poverty, loss of children, loss of family, personal attack, slander, misunderstanding, false accusation, hunger, need, disease, racism, abuse, and the list goes on. Each woman’s life was, in its own way, extraordinarily difficult. Yet each persevered. Each chose to go forward in obedience to God’s call on their particular lives in faith and confidence in Him alone in spite of the difficulty + suffering that would inevitably follow. Each woman offered open hands of surrender to her Savior. Some received recognition + accolades in this life, though most did not and were not truly recognized as “great” until after their deaths. Yet each made a profound impact upon their generation and the course of history.

This is such a needed reminder for us today. I think many of us want to live lives that count, many of us want to be “great,” if we would be honest. But not many of us are willing to suffer. We desire to have the crown but not the cross. We forget that the cross always precedes the crown. We recoil from Jesus’ words: in this life you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33).

I highly recommend this read! It is one I will share with my daughters when they are older. It was inspiring to look at how obedience to God played out in the lives of a passionate teenager, a homeschooling mother, a prolific writer, a seamstress, a nun, a watchmaker’s daughter, and a twice-divorced poet + nun. It spoke to me of trust in the Lord in the face of affliction. It reminded me that the path of obedience will most likely be fraught with much adversity. Often I assume when I encounter resistance that I must have been mistaken in choosing this path, that maybe I have misunderstood God’s will. My natural flesh recoils at the thought of a call that might lead to my own death. It is good for me to constantly revisit this, to see it afresh in Scripture, to see it over the course of history in the lives of the men + women of God I so admire. I need to be reminded of these words from my Savior, especially in a day of ISIS and brutal attacks on humanity, a day where we can expect the hatred toward Christ-followers to increase:

“If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.” (John 15:19-21)

Maybe not all great lives will involve great suffering, but all great suffering will be greatly used by a God who promises to work it all to the good of those who love Him.

If you need to remember that, if you need to preach to your own soul about the powerful work of God in a small, surrendered life, I think this book would be helpful to you! Readable, easy to get lost in the story, engaging, convicting, encouraging.

Thanks to HarperCollins Publishing for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

yarn along

November 18, 2015November 18, 2015 MarthaKimball9 Comments

joining up today with Ginny Sheller’s yarn along to share what i’m reading + knitting this week!

I am still working on making a few knitted baby bonnet hats for some nieces + nephews, per request. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to be able to make something for those I love that they really like! For a stay-at-home-momma of three on a tight budget, it enables me to give a unique gift of value that is affordable on my part.

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This one I finished up for my nephew, being modeled here by my son. I’m also working on three more of these, and still working on some dishcloths. I’ve ordered some supplies to make some hand knit christmas gifts for my children, so I’m excited to get started on those + will share pics soon! Also, Phoebe has asked me to make her a scarf, and has already picked out her yarn, so I will be onto that soon too. Many things to keep my hands busy! I’m finding myself taking my knitting with me everywhere now.

Also, I’ve just started on The Things of Earth: Treasuring God by Enjoying His Gifts by Joe Rigney. This is one I’ve been dying to read for some time now, but have been busy with some other books. The theme of this book is one very close to my own heart and core passion, that of enjoying God in His good gifts, rather than seeing “the things of earth” as being far less important than the things of the soul + spirit. I’m hoping Rigney makes a strong biblical case for our finding God in the good gifts He gives us and worshipping Him through them. (I’ve written briefly about my passion for this here, here, and here.) John Piper wrote the forward and it looks a theologically rich read that I’m eager to sink my soul into.

my own little book store!

November 16, 2015November 16, 2015 MarthaKimball2 Comments

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If you know me or have been reading here at all for any length of time, you know I am a book girl! I strongly believe in the power of the written word. It has been the primary means by which my life has been altered and improved and shaped in every way.

“The Bible is a book. The implications of that fact are simply staggering. When God contemplated all the possible ways that existed for him as an infinite, omnipotent, all-wise God to transmit and preserve his revelation to the world, he chose a book. And that is simply astonishing. We have no other authoritative access to the knowledge of God and the way of salvation and how to live a life pleasing to the Lord than through this book — either directly by reading it or indirectly from others who have read it…

So once the reality of God’s privileging the written Word with his choice of a book as the decisive means by which he would reveal and preserve the revelation of himself, once that has sunk in, you just can never be indifferent to the reality of books. Again, God has privileged The Book, honored The Book, elevated The Book, esteemed The Book above all other means for his centuries’ long preservation and explanation of his revelation.

So when I say it would be hard to overstate the life-shaping impact of books on my life, I think I am saying something very much in line with God’s purposes for the world.” –John Piper

Ultimately, the best book that I would recommend to you on any subject would be the Bible. It speaks to everything, and all of the best books I have read ultimately find their source + inspiration in that Book. The impact of the Bible on my life is profoundly immeasurable. It is everything to me and it is the book I will spend my life studying, reading, enjoying, savoring. Nothing compares. However, there have been many, many other books that have come to me at just the right time along my journey that have opened my eyes wide to so many beautiful aspects of Truth and of life, being greatly used of God to heal and reform and guide me. With that being said, so very many of you have asked me for book recommendations, and many of my “in real life” friends do also. I seem to frequently send out lists to those who reach out and ask for a recommendation on a particular subject or area of struggle.

It is my greatest joy to connect you with the books that have literally shaped and altered and informed my thinking. I have been working slowly on a little list of the BEST of the best that I have read. Of course, it will be a continual work in progress as I recall books I forgot to mention, or as I add to it from time to time.

You can now find that list on the slide-out sidebar of my blog under the tab “Recommended Reads.” Or you can simply click HERE. Please know, should you choose to click over to this little amazon book store + purchase a book, you are supporting our family in a really precious and important way, at no extra cost to you. That means so very much to me. Thank you!

With that being said, I also want to assure you that this list is the honest-to-goodness list I would send you were you to ask me what I would recommend for you to read. If you were to ask me what words live on in my soul, what books stay on my shelves, some never leaving my bedside table, these are the ones on this list! I wouldn’t recommend them to you if I hadn’t read them personally and wholeheartedly believe they would be of great benefit to you!

May you find Jesus all the more beautiful + satisfying as you read!

Yarn Along

October 28, 2015October 28, 2015 MarthaKimball16 Comments

You guys! I feel so cool right now. 🙂 This is my first time being able to join in with Ginny Sheller’s weekly Yarn Along! Ginny is a homeschooling, homesteading momma of seven, and a big-time reader + knitter. Basically, I have fallen in love with knitting via her blog and have been itching to learn. I’ve had a couple of attempts, but it finally clicked when I spent some time with a friend recently who taught me.

I’ve been working on this free pattern, making a little hat for Philippa and basically working on just my stockinette stitch. I think I’m about done + ready to bind off. Will post a picture of the finished product soon. And I’m officially addicted! Brandon thinks I’ve finally reached old lady status, but I really can see why people love to knit. So, if you have any free favorite knitting patterns for beginners that you’ve loved, please let me know in the comment section below!

Also, I’ve been reading this new release, Never Broken: Songs are Only Half the Story, by Jewel. Her music really spoke to me when I was younger, and I read all her poetry and was encouraged in my own poetry and song writing at the time. It’s been interesting reading more of her background and story, and at times it’s been hard and depressing. She experienced a way more difficult childhood than I had known or imagined, abused + neglected by her parents and basically left to fend by herself in the harsh Alaskan wilds. I have been saddened to see what she had to overcome, and yet surprised at how well she endured it, and how graciously and intelligently she writes her story. Also, sometimes we think people who have “made it” so successfully in their field, in her case selling millions of albums, have arrived there by chance, probably one day being “discovered” and everything going on smoothly from there. Reading her book reminds me that it is a ton of work, constant “trying again,” often overcoming difficult criticism and misunderstanding to continue to offer your art to the world. I’m not quite done with it, just the last few chapters left now. I’ve enjoyed it but I’m ready to move on to some other books I’ve put on hold!

Anne of Green Gables, My Daughter & Me

October 5, 2015October 5, 2015 MarthaKimball2 Comments

Fall is upon us here in the North Carolina mountains, and few things feel more appropriate than watching the Anne of Green Gables series all over again. I love to slowly work my way through them, doing a little needlework as I go (insert old lady emoji here).

Anne has always felt like a kindred spirit. That’s why when I saw Lorilee Craker‘s memoir recently, I knew it was a must-read for me. This sweet and happy book looks at what it means to be an orphan and what it means to be found, and maybe no one is as fit to tell us about that as Lorilee Craker. An accomplished writer, a lover of the Anne of Green Gables stories, an adopted orphan herself, and an adopter of a little ray of light, Phoebe, from Korea. (Yes, of course I had to read this, being that my oldest daughter is also named Phoebe!)

Using the story of Anne Shirley, Craker weaves in and out her own experiences growing up in an adoptive family, experiencing the beauty and tender ties of love in that home, growing older and seeking to meet her biological parents, finding unexpected glory and heart break there. She also connects these with her own story of adopting her daughter, Phoebe, from Korea. She connects the threads of these three orphan stories with humor, vulnerability and transparency. Reading this book definitely woke me to things I take for granted, such as knowing my family history and roots. Having a sister-in-law who is adopted and hearing her occasionally speak about her uncertain family roots, I realized how easily I brush these comments off without registering how huge this can be, especially as one becomes a mother. How often you must look at your child’s face and find unfamiliar features, trying to find connections everywhere to your past enshrouded in a quiet fog. Craker examines all the nuances of the word “orphan,” both positive and negative. It gave me a new tenderness toward those who can call themselves orphans, those who know intimately what it feels like to be rejected, left behind, bereft. It also warmed my heart to the beauty of what it means to be adopted, to be taken in and called blood by those are not your blood. I don’t know what it’s like to be an orphan, but I do know what it’s like to be adopted. The Scriptures tell us that those of who are in Christ (“Christians”) have been adopted into the family of God (Eph. 1:5).

In Craker’s book, you find yourself at one moment on the red roads of Prince Edward Island, another moment in the bustling bright streets of Korea, the misty shores of British Colombia (where she meets her birth mother) and the quaint walls of a Mennonite home in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Whimsical at times, haunting and heartbreaking at others, this is a beautiful story that traces the love between mother and daughter, a love that transcends blood and family lines, a love that ultimately finds its source and its home in Jesus. I recommend it to you as a lovely fall read.

Thanks to Tyndale Publishers for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

Deeply Rooted

September 2, 2015September 2, 2015 MarthaKimball4 Comments

I’m a book person. If you’ve read here for very long at all, you already know this. I’m also a mail person. I’m pretty sure I was the (self) designated “mail-retriever” for my family when I was growing up, but even today, I look forward to checking the mailbox daily. I review books monthly and love the surprise of finding some fun mail!

Somewhere through the tangled web of Instagram I discovered Deeply Rooted Magazine. I emailed the editor and asked if they would be open to sending me a free copy of the magazine in exchange for a review. She responded quickly and kindly with a code for a free digital download of the latest issue, Light. I settled in with a cup of tea + honey from my Grandpa’s bees in Ontario.

As I initially checked it out, being the resource dweeb that I am, it deeply resonated with me. There is a lot of fluff being produced in the Christian market, a lot of mediocre art. Sometimes it seems things are being produced simply for the profit that will be generated. Sometimes it seems like plain old materialism with a shiny Christian veneer. This magazine stands out as something different, a beautiful marriage between the heart, the soul + the mind.

Is there a needful place for such a work, you might ask? I love good, helpful resources as much as the next girl. I love beautiful art. I love things that have meaning. I think we need these “helps,” things that echo Eden to us: haunting photography, words that help us digest the Scriptures and see how God’s Word speaks to our present every-day lives. Recipes that encourage creativity and exploration and great enjoyment in food. I don’t believe the Christian life was meant to be drab and stark and void. I don’t believe our God is like we often assume or fear Him to be, asking us to empty ourselves of all desires. I don’t believe our God is so small. Instead, I think He gave us desire, He gave us hunger, that we might grope, that we might reach, that we might seek, that we might find Him, the satisfaction of all desire. While our desires can serve to stumble us, can lead us to all manner of idols, our desires can also point us toward Home, toward the One we were made for and all the ways He intends to fulfill us. I think of these words by Jonathon Edwards:

“The enjoyment of God is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows; but God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams. But God is the ocean.”

And these words by Augustine:

“This is how our souls climb out of their weariness toward You and cease to lean on those things which You have created. We pass through them to You, Lord God, who created them in a marvelous way.”

God has given us richly all things to enjoy (1 Tim. 4:4) but we are not to enjoy them as ends to themselves. I think as Christians we have often erred greatly on the side of safety here, being so careful to not overmuch enjoy the pleasures of earth and human life out of fear of idolatry or “loving the world.” What could be lost, though, when we stay safe + kill desire? Could it be possible that if we avert out eyes from all the “scattered beams” we miss the brilliance of the Sun? To be sure, we must be diligent to delicately protect our hearts and souls from entanglement in the things of the world, to keep our hearts from the subtle shift from enjoyment to worship. As much as we are able to enjoy a thing and find that thing pointing us to a greater and deeper enjoyment of God, that thing is serving its purpose as a scattered beam. It is a ray of glorious heavenly light, echoing of a far country, a Kingdom we were meant for, a life that awaits us, a Savior who alone satisfies us.

This is what I love about the Deeply Rooted Magazine, “a visually appealing Christian women’s magazine with deep, theological content.” A celebration of all of life. Piercing theological truth to exult your soul. Photography that moves. Color and mood and hand-drawn art as well as DIY projects. Seasonal recipes. A magazine focusing on all the aspects of biblical womanhood ranging from singleness to marriage, motherhood, child-rearing, career + vocation, and our individual place before God. Contributions from artists, pastors, and real women operating in various roles.

Their mission?

“To encourage, educate, and inspire Christ-following women into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ so they may become deeply rooted in their faith.”

Here are some snapshots of the magazine via my screen (so, sorry the quality is not the best) and you can preview this issue in full HERE.

Deeply Rooted Magazine is a quarterly, 136 page* publication printed on high-quality, paper. The magazine is aesthetically different than other Christian publications on the market. Due to its clean design, high standards for presentation, and sheer amount of carefully curated content, Deeply Rooted Magazine transitions from coffee table centerpiece to devotional companion to go-to recipe and DIY resource.

Each magazine is divided into six categories expressing several of the different roles of womanhood:

CHRIST-FOLLOWER:Christian Living (The role of a Christ-follower is woven throughout all categories. These are relationship with God-specific articles)
HELPMATE:Marriage and Preparation for Marriage
KEEPER OF THE HOME:Homemaking and Recipes
MOTHER:Parenting
CREATOR:Artist Interviews, DIY’s, and Creative Living
INDIVIDUAL:Career, Health & Beauty, Hobbies, Service, Etc.

(This quote taken from their website.)

Each printed magazine is $20 and each digital issue is $4, and subscribers save $2 off each printed issue. This magazine is most likely appealing to the younger generation of Christ-following women, and to all who are young in heart. A beautiful work and one I hope to be reading more of very soon!

Wild in the Hollow

August 11, 2015August 11, 2015 MarthaKimball2 Comments

I devoured this book in the span of a few days. I won’t soon forget it and I won’t let it slip out of my fingers, either. Some books you finish and pass on. This is one to hold onto. This is one to linger over. This is one to read again, to muse over her words. It is at once memoir, liturgy, story, and song. It is doctrine and it is poetry. It is the story of one life interrupted and rescued by the grace of God, it is the journey of grace intersecting all things, the piecing back together of broken pieces into a masterpiece.

Amber Haines, with the voice of a poet and theologian, shares her story of “chasing desire + finding the broken way home.” How many of us cannot immediately find our place within those words? How many of us have not also run and found ourselves overtaken in the best way possible by the best love imaginable?

She begins with her running and her rebellion, shows how God met her, the “girl child from Alabama with mud in her fingernails,” on the linoleum floor:

“The first of many births I would witness was my own. I was born into light. I would have waited on that linoleum floor until I starved, waited there to be raised from the dead, or be made dead, whichever. I can’t explain the difference in what was happening in my head and in my heart and in my body. It was all taking new form. I didn’t lie down so that when I stood up I might believe. I lay down to die because I was done with moving about in a body that had no life. The fact that the presence of God was so obvious, like Road-to-Damascus obvious, was absolutely shocking to me. I had never felt so pursued or so loved, and love is what got me up off the floor. As my eyes came open to something so simple as love, that God loves me, I was overcome with new desire: more than for a warm body–for skin on skin; more than for the taste of home–biscuits and gravy on a family morning; and more than for any drug to numb my pain. I didn’t know who I was, filling with such delight, the allure of God. His meeting me on the floor was my release from being bogged down in self-awareness and loathing. He released me from feeling required to entice love, to always make an offering. I became aware of God. He was not only the one who hovered in the fog but also the one who loved me first.” (Haines)

She shares the journey: her marriage, the brokenness that threatened it. The children, the giving birth that almost brought death. The church, the exultant joy, the plunging despair. Abortion and affair, addiction and anxiety. The places Haiti and Tuscany both found in her heart, the odd juxtaposition, the beautiful juxtaposition. All the ways of finding home in a world where we are right to be homesick, where we see glimpses and shadows and hints of glory, but always find ourselves still somewhat out of sorts, still not yet home. And yet Home all along, because the kingdom is here. Already, but not yet fully.

I admire Haines’ vulnerability and honesty as she shares her story, which is quite different from my own, and yet I find similar threads of discovery and understanding between us. I so greatly appreciate her courage in sharing her story, the rawness and rebellion, as well as the redemption. Some aspects of her theology were difficult for me to ascertain, especially in the beginning of her book when she came off a bit cynical + critical about the church and even seemed to call into question the role of the Scriptures. Her writing is peppered with Scripture, however, and it was helpful to read her book in its entirety to see the peace she makes with the Church and the healing she finds.

You can see in Haines’ story the unfolding and unfurling of a soul as it is newborn, hungry for hind milk, tossed upon the bosom of the Church, entering wide-eyed and trusting, and finding over time the hypocrisy and hurt that the Church can engender.

I bristled a bit at this because we live in such a church culture where believers are calling the role of the church and the necessity of the Scriptures into question. I would always err on the side of upholding the Scriptures and the role of the local organized church. However, I think Haines’ experience is not uncommon, and I think the way the Lord leads and guides her through seasons of wounding and healing in regard to the Church is good reading. If you hang in with her story, you will see her “grow up” in her relationship with the Church and find redemption even there. Many wrestle with what it looks like to be in a community of believers because it is so imperfect and difficult. Many will empathize with her words, and my hope would be that they, too, will come back to the centrality of the Scriptures and the church in God’s kingdom work. I love her words about the Kingdom maybe the best of all, probably because the concept of the Kingdom of God is what I have been studying and learning about all year.

It is memoir primarily, not a theological treatise, and so I can appreciate the working out of her faith in the midst of a very real and messy life. The way we grow and change, the way we mature and heal and grow up more and more into the full stature of Christ as we walk with Him. I enjoyed her writing style, which is a more poetic style akin to Ann Voskamp’s. And I think many of us will find in her story our own stories of howling wild in the hollow places and finding the One who alone can fill the hollow.

Here’ s a little book trailer, too!

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Thanks to Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.

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