MarthaKimball

From Good to Grace

May 17, 2017May 17, 2017 MarthaKimball4 Comments

The kiddos and I were out this morning spreading mulch around the front flower beds, taking trips back and forth with a borrowed wheelbarrow wagon. These little ones love to work hard, especially if every trip back and forth is rewarded with a ride in the wagon! We’ve all come in now to find refuge from the crazy heat (does it feel terribly hot to anyone else for May??) so I have a minute to put up a quick little knittery post.

Over the weekend I cast on a baby gift item, so I can’t share too many details here, but it is really a fun knit so far. More about it once it has been gifted!

Also, I finished The Awakening of Miss Prim (enjoyed it!) and began reading From Good to Grace: Letting Go of the Goodness Gospel by Christine Hoover. Friends, this one is meeting me in a very profound way. There are some things my husband and I are working through, praying over, laying before the Lord, and this book is speaking directly to it. I bought it back when it was a new release with some saved birthday money last year and its funny how I haven’t felt like it was the right time to read it until now. The author is addressing her own tendency and battle with legalism/moralism, what she is calling her “goodness addiction,” which is basically whenever we try to earn our way to God, whenever we think we must be “good” for Him, in order to earn His love or favor or grace or salvation. This is one of my most deeply rooted battles, something I struggle with every single day, and something the Lord must be working to free me from. Of course, He began speaking to me of this back in my early college days, and its amazing to see the progress He and I have made, and yet sometimes it startles me to see how my “goodness addiction” creeps back in. I love how the author quotes:

“The Gospel was not my working theology: Mine was moralism and legalism–a religion of duty and self control through human willpower. The goal was self-justification, not the justification by faith in Christ that the gospel offers. But, as many people can tell you, moralism and legalism can “pass” for Christianity, at least outwardly, in the good times. It is only when crises come that you find there is no foundation on which to stand. And crises are what God used to reveal my heart’s true need for him.” (Hoover, quoting Rose Marie Miller)

Yes, when life is working for us, working hard to earn God’s favor or to stay in His good graces flies under the radar, and looks an awful lot like Christianity. We’re productive! We’re doing good things! We’re happy-clappy and strong! We can feel pretty good about ourselves, even a big smug about our work for God. Maybe a tad reproving of other believers who aren’t as productive as we. In fact, I believe this heresy is still terribly prevalent in our current church culture, at least here in America. I feel like since I battle this so deeply, I see it easily in others. But our crises sift us. It’s one of the few beautiful gifts that come from a painful trial.

One of the hardest things about this whole past two-year journey dealing with all the ups and downs and life changes that have come with Phoebe’s diagnosis has been the way it has wiped me out. It has made me feel emotionally and mentally weak. I don’t know much else how to describe it beyond a feeling like I can’t breathe. On the hardest days, I’ve literally felt physically short of breath. An old heart condition of mine began to flare up, and I was back on a heart monitor for a month and seeing a cardiologist. As far as we could find, there was no physical problem, so the cardiologist told me it must be stress.

I’ve had to pare down a lot of my commitments and focus most of my energy on caring for Phoebe’s particular needs. I have felt pretty lame as a Christian in the sense of how “small” my circle has been drawn, how very small my efforts seem, how very unable I am to serve in some of the ways I used to and desire to. Guilt comes easily. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that the Christian community isn’t terribly great at letting each other go through seasons of weakness and unproductivity. The great injustice of suffering something is that not only are you bearing the burden of your ordeal, but then you feel terribly guilty for your weakness in it. You feel guilty that you aren’t being “a better Christian” in the midst of it. You feel like you must hide your suffering and struggle and questions. As Ann Voskamp said in her book The Broken Way, “When the church isn’t for the suffering and broken, then the church isn’t for Christ.” We can say until we’re blue in the face that we are a place for the broken, but if the broken don’t really feel welcome? If the broken don’t really feel safe to just BE WEAK and be seemingly useless for a season?

I am just now, just now after almost two years on this journey, just now beginning to surrender to my uselessness before the Lord. I can’t even describe in words how He has been ministering to me and speaking and carrying and meeting me in ways I do not deserve and can hardly receive. I have learned that I must ask Him and HIM ALONE what He wants from me. What does faithfulness look like, Lord, in this season? What do you want from me? Not: what does the church want from me? Not: what does my family want from me? Not: what do my friends expect of me? But what do YOU want, Lord? And His answer:

“Worship. I desire your worship. That is all. In everything you do, in whatever you put your hand to–do it as unto me. Do it for me. Find me in it. Enjoy me. Receive from me. Do the hard work of receiving all of me. I gave myself for you, to you. I am split open, broken, blood-spilt for you. Take and drink. Take and eat. This is your holy hard work. This must come before you do any endeavor in my name, and this must be the place from which you continually abide.”

And I believe I am finally learning to rest in Him. To receive Him. To be weak before Him, as much as I despise that weakness in myself and wish I could be a star pupil. I am learning to stop earning what has already been DONE for me. I am learning to stop trampling His precious blood underfoot as I run about in all my human efforts (Heb. 10:28). I have tried to do great things for God, when all along He has wanted me to see what great things He has done for me. I have had my eyes turned inward, when He has wanted them turned upward.

Laying down all this striving? It feels a lot like a death of sorts. Death to a way of thinking, a way of living, a former identity. That old flesh of mine keeps resurrecting, it would seem. And death feels terribly counter-intuitive and painful to the flesh. It is plain unnatural. But it is the upside-down way of the Kingdom of God: whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it (Matt. 16:25). Sometimes we have to lose everything we’re clinging to in order to see and know and experience how held we are.

We get to be weak, friends. We get to be the weak that we are. He receives us just like this. He wants us to drink our fill of Him again and again and again. Maybe His goal isn’t for us to eventually move from our place of weakness to being strong again. Maybe His goal for us is to remain here. To remain terribly, painfully aware of our inability and weakness so that we are dependent on Him for every thing. Maybe thats what He means when He says He uses the weak things of the world to shame the wise (1 Cor. 1:27) rather than saying He transforms the weak into bastions of strength. If that feels a bit scandalous for you to say (as it does for me) than maybe we’re really not walking in grace like we think we are. Maybe we really need to revisit the scripture and take a good hard look at what the Gospel is.

Anyway.. My little yarn along post turned into pouring out my heart. I hope it resonates with someone out there just a little bit. I hope if it does you’ll consider reading Christine Hoover’s fantastic book, From Good to Grace.

(And just so you know, I don’t get any kickback for promoting her book. I just share good books because I believe in the power of the written word as a tool for change. I do always link to amazon and technically am an affiliate with them, but I have never made a single dime off of that affiliation. Just so you know. 🙂 Because I know I’m skeptical of people like that. #skepticforlife)

I’ve written about this theme many times. If you’re interested, here are a few of those posts:

You Get to Be Weak
Savoring the Gospel When You Fail
From Legalism to a Feast of Grace

projects

May 16, 2017 MarthaKimball3 Comments

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A couple of weekends ago, Brandon and I took the kids to a local historic home, the Carl Sandburg House. It is peaceful and quiet there, with easy trails to walk. We went on a Sunday afternoon, packed a picnic lunch and spread a blanket under the shade of some great trees in the gardens. Afterwards we went to visit the baby goats. I had already taken the kids on a previous weekend when Brandon had been working on the flooring in our laundry room + kitchen. (More on that in a minute.) Brandon has talked about wanting goats for years now, so I knew he’d enjoy visiting with them. I’m not ready to own goats right now, but maybe down the road? I love the Nubian goats with the long ears the best, I think. The nubian kids were the cutest running around, just like puppies. We got to see Nellie, the grandma goat of the crew, who was laying in the grass one day past her due date with multiples. I felt sorry for her! She looked weary. Philippa dutifully checked all of the goats ears, noses and mouths for them. 🙂 By now, I’m sure Nellie has brought a new litter of kids into the world. Savannah, the goat with the little hand-knitted sweater on, was just a few days old, and we all loved meeting + petting her.

It was good for us to take a day and set aside projects, enjoy a little bit of the quiet of the outdoors, and just be together. The last few months have felt chaotic and we’re just starting to feel like we can find a new normal again. Phoebe’s good test results have made us feel like we can breathe a bit in terms of worrying over her. She goes for another general check-up in six months, unless we see something that concerns us. So for now, I’m trying to allow myself to rest in those good test results (versus worry and be fearful which is my MO) and allow myself to believe/hope that the worst is behind us. I was talking with a friend recently whose daughter has just come out of having brain cancer–obviously a far scarier ordeal than Phoebe’s in a lot of respects. But we both agreed and understood one another in how hard it is to hear GOOD news after hearing a lot of bad. In order to survive you begin to stay in a continual place of bracing for the next disappointment/bad result, and it’s very hard to shut that off. I don’t know how people walk through things like this without knowing the Lord. I don’t know that I would have made it through without Him! Even still, I look to Him for rest and healing and hope. I lean on Him to carry me now into this new season with its own set of joys and challenges.

Much of our “free” time in the evenings or weekends has been taken up with little projects here and there, fixing leaky faucets, replacing broken things, finishing the flooring job, etc. I am thankful Brandon is so good at all of these things! The flooring we put down was to cover a section of the home that had asbestos tile in it (the laundry room was the worst, as you can see that part of it had been disturbed). It brings me a lot more peace of mind knowing we have covered that area and I’m really happy with our flooring choice!

We borrowed a neighbor’s tiller (after I attempted to till by hand) and are preparing a small little portion of the yard for a garden. I know, we are late!! I was debating putting off a garden until next year, since we still aren’t even fully settled or unpacked! It seems silly to start another time-consuming outside project when we have so much work to do inside. However, we have so missed growing a portion of our own food the last couple of years when we were renting (and had ZERO sun in our yard). We just couldn’t resist, and I’m glad we are going for it! I picked up a few things from the garden center today and hopefully things will grow well, despite our late start.

yarn along

May 10, 2017 MarthaKimball5 Comments

I’m late getting this post up! Summer time is nearly upon us folks, evidenced by the fact that my children are playing outside longer in the evenings and running back out after dinner to make the most of these long sunny days. Right now they are busy helping daddy dump mulch from the trailer, while I wait for them to come in for dinner. So I have a minute to get this post up!

I finished the Water rock vest and am just waiting to block it (I think I will need to, to try and add some length) and also finished Phoebe’s socks over the weekend. I cast on a pair for Philippa immediately, improvising the pattern (using 44 stitches instead of 48) to make the cuff a bit smaller, but now I have to think about the math. So far its working out! Here’s to hoping my math works and it fits her.

I picked up this book, Design Mom: How to Live with Kids, from the library on a whim today. I love flipping through books like this for ideas and inspiration for decorating. I should clarify that when I talk about “decorating” our home, I mean using what we already have and rearranging it. Haha. 😉 Such is life when you have little ones and live on one income. I’m almost done with The Awakening of Miss Prim and have really enjoyed it so far. It’s been fun to have a totally pleasurable read for the evenings versus something that requires my mind to be awake. Although I’m craving theology. Deep, rich theology.

What are you knitting, reading or working on this week? Here’s to hoping you find some time to make beautiful things and read good books.

Linking up with Crafting On + my knitting friend Being Bodeker.

yarn along

May 3, 2017May 3, 2017 MarthaKimball3 Comments

I finished Phoebe’s first sock and just turned the heel on the second one this morning. She is begging me to finish these asap. Even though NC summer heat is threatening to bear down on us, she wants socks. 🙂 I’m knitting Susan B Anderson’s ribbed socks for kids pattern in Knit Picks stroll gradient yarn (color way unicorn) and I used some leftovers from my “favourite socks” for heels + toes. So fun and so fast to knit little kid socks. A very satisfying knit! But then, I feel like I say that about everything I knit. Knitting is just satisfying. 🙂

I picked up The Awakening of Miss Prim after Ginny (the originator of the yarn along) mentioned she was going to read it, as she is also looking for some lighthearted fiction. It captured me immediately and I can’t wait to get in bed at night and dive back into it. I already don’t want it to end!

No real link up this week, except linking arms with my knitting friend over at the Being Bodeker blog. 🙂
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my campside

May 1, 2017May 1, 2017 MarthaKimball6 Comments

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The work of creating is important work for me. I’m learning that I’m a maker, and I love making things–bringing beauty, even simple and small, into our ordinary days. Bringing order from chaos. It’s a good work.

Knitting small stitches from soft fiber–one small stitch after another, little ordered steps in a long arduous journey following a path laid out for me–ending in a beautiful finish. Ending with something functional, satisfying, luxurious, beautiful. It is a good reminder to me of the work I am doing as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter, as a friend, as a child of God–small seemingly inconsequential steps on a long and arduous journey. It will result in something beautiful. Our work is, as the scriptures say, producing something, working for us an eternal glory that far outweighs the trouble we’ve gone through (2 Cor. 4:17). Maybe it seems silly, but finishing a creative project is satisfying to me in that way–our small steps and small obediences are producing something beautiful, friends. Let’s keep on until the finish.

I finished my Campside Shawl weeks ago and have worn it almost every day since then. (Which is why it took me so long to block it–so glad that I did though! It opened up the eyelet sections and made it even larger/cozier.) It is crazy warm, squishy and cozy. I didn’t know if I would wear a shawl, feels sort of old-lady-ish, but I am! I’ve loved just throwing it over my shoulders for a quick warm layer during this spring season. It is such a cheery yellow and it makes me think of camping in the woods, which I can’t wait to do soon (will take my campside with me!) Knit it Madelinetosh, color way Harvest.

long days of small things

April 28, 2017 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

In order to find God it is perhaps not always necessary to leave the creatures behind…The world is crowded with Him…
The real labor is to remember, to attend.
In fact, to come awake. Still more, to remain awake.
C. S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm

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Yesterday I woke up to the laughter and squall of children in the room next to mine. The day began in the rush and hurry of need and hungry tummies. I normally try to get up before the children, but I had been struggling with sleeplessness and a bout of anxiety in the middle of the night and slept fitfully. My plans for the morning were interrupted by an unexpected trip to the doctors office to check on one child who woke up with pink eye in both eyes, then running to pick up a prescription and grab a few groceries before heading home. It was afternoon before I breathed a breath of prayer to God and realized I had completely missed my time with Him in the morning. My soul instantly cringed–how could it have been nearly all day before I even remembered God? Then came the familiar rush of guilt with a dose of self-hatred to boot. All this soul amnesia. I shake my head as I wash the dishes.

Last November I retreated away to a hermitage a few hours from here. I went alone for the weekend, Brandon had offered to keep the kiddos. Motherhood and the constant presence of people all looking to me with their pressing needs–it can wear an introvert out. It can wear any person out, I’m sure! We need to pay attention to our souls, we must take small breaks, place spaces in our calendars, slip away when we can to refuel. We need silence, we need reflection, we need sleep and solitude. That weekend was glorious. The cabin was perfectly cozy at the very tip top of a mountain. I kept my journal open and wrote endlessly, read the scriptures and studied, read other books, knitted without interruption, went for walks in the woods, cooked simple meals, rested, worshipped, prayed. It took me almost the whole weekend to really relax and unwind, and I realized how tightly wound motherhood had made me, along with the added role of care taking for phoebe. All of the worry and strain, the financial burden, the roller coaster of her improvement and decline. I needed that time away, so I could reenter the fray with renewed energy and focus and love. I needed time to seek God in the quiet, as I used to in my days before children. I needed uninterrupted time alone with Him to hear from Him.

If only we could have these times whenever we need them. If only we could guarantee some respite, rest, and silence throughout the year, then we could seek God as we desire to, as we think we should. And I do believe times of refreshing will come, pockets of rest.

However, when we would flee difficulties in motherhood, most of the time God would have us press in. Where we would avoid and escape, He has us pick back up, day and night. Motherhood is so constant, endless, around the clock, with needs that can simply swallow us whole. Our souls can cry out–

“Oh, that I had wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee away and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”
(Psalm 55:6-8)

We think we will find relief in escape, in a break–a sometimes we do. But is it good for us to set our eyes on the next break on the horizon and survive until then hanging on by our toenails? Beyond that–can we only find God in our escapes, our breaks, in the quiet place of refuge?

Or could He possibly have treasures for us right in the maelstrom of motherhood, right in the trenches of it? Must we wait for Him on the sidelines of life–sidelined by little people and their needs–or can we have Him right here to the full in a way we never expected or anticipated before?

Could pressing in and finding Him in the weary work–could this possibly be the point? The thing He wants us to learn, the muscle He wants to strengthen? Of course its far easier to find Him in the quiet place of refuge. But if we can’t find that quiet place of refuge, do we wave the white flag of defeat and turn our hearts off to God until we can have a moment alone? Or can we find a way to God in the very mundane, simple, undervalued work/tasks of motherhood?

Could the tasks turn out to be a path to God?

What if the very practice of mothering and doing the work of motherhood–washing the dishes, feeding the hungry mouths, wiping the bottoms, folding the laundry, teaching, admonishing, disciplining, training, guiding–could these things possibly be a spiritual discipline of sorts, leading us to know God, experience Him, enjoy Him in a way we never could or would choose otherwise? Could there be treasures here for us–right here in this season–that we’ll miss if we shut down and vow to hold on until the crazy ride is over?

What if God is not only found in the lofty theological ivory towers, the seminary classroom, the pew, the sanctuary, the prayer closet, the monastery–but here, scrubbing the floor around a toilet.
Here, chopping onions and carrots.
Here, holding a feverish child.
Here, in the pickup lane at school.
Here, singing a hymn over a sleepless child.
Here, organizing shelves, stacking piles.
Here, in the rush-hour traffic home from work.
Here, in the weary waking hours.

What if we could find God in the ordinary work of motherhood rather than trying to fit our old habits and disciplines into this new rhythm–which for most of us feels cramped, incompatible, impossible.

Is it possible in this season of little ones to be both a good mother and to keep close company with God?

This is what is addressed in Catherine McNiel’s book Long Days of Small Things: Motherhood as a Spiritual Discipline. This book exceeded my expectations. I was a bit afraid it would be another moany-groany book about motherhood without being terribly helpful. Instead, it was honest. Real. Insightful. Provocative. Thoughtful. Helpful. It addressed our great hunger for God, our desire to know Him, our frustration with all the things that seem to work against us and keep us from Him. She ends each chapter with a practice, tangible things to anchor us to God throughout the day. Things like our breath:

“Inhale deeply and realize you are breathing in God’s unfailing love. Exhale and release into his unceasing presence. Suddenly, breathing–your easiest daily accomplishment–is an act of worship, meditation, and prayer.” (McNiel, p. 12)

Without adding a burden of more tasks to our schedule, McNiel helps us to find God in each of the tasks we already perform daily, and do them as unto the Lord. Like walking, eating and drinking, cooking, household tasks, sleepless nights, pregnancy, diapers, breastfeeding, to name a few.

McNiel commiserates without sounding whiney, encourages and exhorts without loading on a heavy burden of guilt. She feels like a true companion in this journey of motherhood, someone who understands its complexities and enjoys them, glory, grit and all, because of the way they point us to God.

I devoured this book, crying over sections of it, marking up nearly every page, returning to it over and over, savoring it. It is one I will need to reread more than a few times, I believe.

If you are a mother afraid you might be missing out on some great spiritual life because of your busy role as mother–maybe this book is for you. If you ever feel a bit like you can’t breathe under the pressing weight of this season, a bit like you can’t breathe–Maybe this is one to ask for for Mother’s Day?

Thank you to Tyndale Publishers for a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.
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yarn along

April 26, 2017 MarthaKimball4 Comments

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Phoebe and I did school yesterday sprawled out on a blanket under a great spreading maple in our backyard. We began reading The Penderwicks. I’m not even sure what led me to this book but I remember hearing somewhere along the way recommendations of it. We’ve been listening to The Little House on the Prairie series on audio books, too, and Phoebe’s been re-inspired to run through the yard with her bonnet strings dangling around her neck like Laura.

I’m still not reading much lately. Odd for me, I know, but by the time evening comes and I’m free to read I just don’t have much brain power left. I’m in need of some light hearted stories, so if you have any book recommendations, I’d love to hear them!

I’ve mainly been working on my waterrock vest for the Appalachian Knits spring KAL that I’m participating in. The designer of the pattern is my friend from middle + high school days, Jennifer, and she is the one who taught me to knit! So it’s really fun working on her pattern. Everything she makes is gorgeous. I’ve almost finished the body and ready to begin arm hole shaping. I’m adding another inch or so to the body since this is a cotton/linen blend yarn and I plan to wash/dry it, so I’m adding length to account for shrinkage. Plus I have a long torso, I think. Anyway, I’m really enjoying knitting it. I’ve started some socks for Phoebe too and I plan to knit a couple pairs for each of the kids and eventually a pair for myself too.

Joining with Nicole’s Crafting On, a weekly craft link up, as well as another knitting friend here.

family egg hunt

April 24, 2017 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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After editing and loading all those pictures, I’m too worn out to say much! Whew! I’m just so thankful to have some of my loved ones nearby, to get to gather on special occasions and ordinary occasions, to work together (as we all do in one way or another), and to be there and alongside one another. It’s not perfect and we aren’t as close as I think we all wish we were, in the busyness of this season with little ones. But it is good. And we are filled with thanks. We celebrated Easter with our church family on Sunday morning, then met up at my parents house nearby before dinner, had an egg hunt (eggs filled with stickers, sidewalk chalk and bubbles, since Phoebe can’t have candy right now). It’s fun to see the children enjoy something small and simple together, and to witness the delight on their faces while hunting for treasures. My parents made a delicious gluten-free easter meal and I contributed some homemade strawberry basil ice cream. How precious these little ones are, loving each other so much, growing up so fast. And best of all, our faithful God, making a way for us to know Him and be with Him.

yarn along

April 19, 2017April 19, 2017 MarthaKimball6 Comments

My yarn along posts have been missing lately, due to all the craziness of moving and settling, but also because my beloved Ginny of Small Things has decided to stop hosting the weekly yarn along link-up. Sob. I really miss the weekly community and chatter of knitters, many of whom somehow have become friends over the strange world of the internet. I don’t know exactly what I’ll do in the wake of all of this, whether I’ll still share regularly or not, but somehow the weekly posts helped encourage me to finish projects and to read more, and I miss that. I’ve been hardly reading at all since moving, I think I just need a good light-hearted book. Any recommendations?

I’m working on a few projects, mainly a water rock vest that my friend designed (and gifted me the pattern!! She is the most generous + sweet person). Knitting it in Knit Picks CotLin yarn, which is new to me and really soft to work with–and inexpensive! Then I recently cast on a featherweight cardigan for myself. I bought this yarn awhile ago with Christmas money and it is dreamy in every way. It’s Madelinetosh Euro Sock in color way Cold Shoulder. So soft, such a perfect dusty lavender with flecks of mauve. It’s the most indulgent knitting, and I’m trying not to fly through it as my yarn funds have run out!

By the way, I’ve finished my campside shawl awhile ago and I haven’t even had a chance to block it or weave in ends. I’ve been wearing it nonstop, unwoven ends a-dangling. I love it love it love it and think it’s my favorite knit so far.

I’ve been reading/browsing through this design/decorating book, A Touch of Farmhouse Charm with a ton of do-able and cute DIY projects as inspiration for our old/new home. 🙂 It’s a 1950s rancher, but I intend to have a touch of farmhouse charm up in here.

Happy knitting and reading friends, wherever you may be!

Joining with Nicole’s Crafting On and also my new knitterly friend Being Bodecker.
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hope + a new beginning

April 17, 2017 MarthaKimball8 Comments

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In the early morning dark, all sleeping in one room at the Ronald McDonald house, we woke Phoebe up to prepare for her procedure. Brandon had already run out to get starbucks for he and I, and then we gave her the sweater that I had knit per her request (and her pick of yarn). We also gave her the unicorn as a gift, for her bravery, discipline, and perseverance in this three month intensive part of her journey. So, wrapped up in that knitted love and comfort, and snuggling “Rosie,” she went back into her procedure. I was with her until she was just going to sleep, and it makes me cry every time to walk away from her and leave her there, but it was a small measure of comfort to see her snuggled up in that bright yarn and snuggling her new friend.

We have heard back about the pathology report from Phoebe’s recent endoscopy. Her intestines are showing full healing, healthy whole villi, and little to no active celiac damage. You guys!!! We are FLOORED. We are in shock, disbelief. It feels like a miracle. You guys have prayed us through, you have prayed for our girl and God has answered!

Now, we aren’t totally through the woods yet. Her blood work showed still elevated levels of inflammation, which is a bit perplexing. I’ve heard different opinions about what this can mean, and I’m still waiting on a call back from the Winston Salem doctor about having another pathologist look over her biopsy results. So I’ve been sitting on the results for a few days waiting, but I know so many of you are waiting and asking and wanting to know the results and I didn’t want to keep you waiting. Especially on, what we feel, is still SUCH good news!

Is it all over? Is the worst behind us? I don’t know. We still have a lot of work before us in helping Phoebe grow and in encouraging her to eat more/healthfully. We plan to do some work with a naturopath going forward. She will have quarterly blood checks and regular weight/height checks so we can monitor progress. We believe God has been speaking to us about this season of intense difficulty coming to an end, but my heart is so tender and fearful to hope. It’s easier to brace for the next wave of the trial sometimes than it is to rest in HOPE and faith. So you can pray for that for Brandon and I. Of course, we know that we aren’t fully out of the woods yet, it is too soon, but we do hope that from here we will see our girl flourish.

To those of you who have prayed for this miracle: how can we ever thank you enough? You have prayed life and healing over our girl and we believe we are seeing these shocking results because of your prayers! God promises that our prayers are effective and powerful (James 5:16) and that they can make an actual difference in things like this. God cares about healing and bringing wholeness and restoration, as we saw Jesus constantly healing all the sick ones that He came in contact with, and as we are told that this was part of His earthly mission (Luke 4:18). It is still part of His mission: taking back the lost ground, healing the broken parts, mending the ruined world, glorifying Himself and making His power and might known in our midst.

To those of you who have donated funds so that we can afford these treatments for Phoebe and so that we can continue her medical testing, how can we ever thank you enough? You have been a huge part of this process and this result. You have provided relief and help in a very tangible way to our family. You have, more importantly, just overwhelmed our hearts with encouragement, with the sense that you are behind us, for us, and with us. We know one day we will be able to bless others financially as you have blessed us, and we eagerly look forward to returning the blessing. We will do so in the small ways that we can now.

We will keep everyone posted as we know more about Phoebe and as we continue on this journey. For now Phoebe’s diet will change slowly and with a different approach than anything we have tried thus far. She is already so pleased just to have her beloved cereal, and slowly we will phase in other things, but will also phase out things we don’t believe she tolerates well. I will still need to make most of her food from scratch and from carefully chosen sources, so there is still a bit of work ahead for me in trail + error.

As my mother-in-law gently but firmly encouraged me last night, we will rest in this healing. That this is the beginning, a new beginning, and we are thankful to our Faithful God and to you!

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