Family – Page 8 – everything He gives

all this light

January 29, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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The heavy snows of last weekend lingered all week, now just piled in soggy clumps here and there. We have played so much in it, the kids bemoaning the sun and the melting each day. It’s been an ordinary sort of week around here, lots of cleaning and tasks and bills and such. The sun was so inviting this morning we were out for a bike ride and jaunt to our little neighborhood playground, but it was still so freezing out!

I found myself battling against some heavy dark of soul this week. I don’t know how much more to share of it here, but only do so because it seemed to be a theme this week between the Lord and I, and I see it reflected in the pictures above, the favorite snapshots from the week: dark + light. I found myself scribbling in my journal yesterday afternoon, “Thank you, Lord — the night can be so dark, black as coal, but the light falls so sweetly this morning.” I found myself cheered by the afternoon light pooling on our dining room table, slanting across my journal laid open, dancing across the snow. These children bring so much light, so much laughter. Life with them is good–I’m so thankful. Could it be that He wanted me to notice? Could it be that He wanted me to see? Could it be that He wanted to preach to me the light of the glory of His grace to me in these ordinary earthly realities? To let the light slant just so in beams across my path, to remind me: The light always overcomes the dark, always.

I’ve needed to preach the truth of the Gospel over my soul this week, leaning hard into what the Word says is true rather than what I feel. I found particular comfort in these words:

“Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit…

You are a hiding place for me;
You preserve me from trouble;
You surround me with shouts of deliverance…

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.”

Psalm 32:1-2, 7, 10

I am blessed, not because of any other glad or fortuitous circumstance, but namely because I am one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. This is the happiest circumstance of my life, and it is permanent, unchanging, unswerving, though the enemy of my soul would often try to convince me otherwise.

Maybe you needed to remember, too. If you are in Christ Jesus, your sins are covered. All His ways to you are grace. He is your hiding place, your secret place. His steadfast love is your shield and buckler against the enemy, your promise that in the end, no matter what comes, it will be well with your soul. I hope you see His light this weekend, and His steadfast love surrounding you.

greater things

January 18, 2016January 18, 2016 MarthaKimball11 Comments

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Just a little glimpse into our week. We’ve been home a lot, doing tasks around the house, staying in instead of facing the cold or rainy weather, doing crafts and reading books. In reading Emily Freeman’s book Simply Tuesday last year (“last year” sounds weird to say, still), she talks about grounding ourselves in our present moments by keeping track of what fills our days. She does this by keeping a list called “These are the days of..” I’ve been finding myself mentally making a list, smiling over some moments, mourning others, and keenly aware that these days will soon fade into others. These things that are so common to me right now I will pretty much completely forget in a few years time, the way that winter slowly gives way to spring, frost melting and crocus pushing up through soil. These days so full of children, diapers, immediate felt needs, discipline, correction, training, tiptoeing in the early morning hours so as not to wake the baby, squeezing in tiny moments of prayer and scripture, etc.

These are the days of…
the kids banging on the window while they watch brandon leave for work
vacuuming around the toys
a never-ending laundry basket
morning snuggles
usually tidy but not always clean
philippa playing dress up in the laundry basket
noah says to me, “picture this” meaning, take a picture of this.
“adventures in odyssey” playing in the car

The year is two weeks underway, and already it is off to quite a start. Brandon and I have spent some time looking ahead and have been totally overwhelmed with some of the needs and demands this year is going to present to us. We are facing potentially one of our most challenging years yet financially. We are not seeing the growth and healthy response to the gluten-free diet that we should be seeing from Phoebe and have more medical work ahead of us to figure out why. We hope to buy our first home. We may need a new car as Brandon’s well-loved car nears 300K miles. We celebrate our 10th anniversary in May. We have a family trip planned in the summer that we don’t want to miss. We have some medical needs to deal with in 2016. Our firstborn will start school in the fall. And other things I can’t mention.

The only appropriate response we’ve been able to muster to all that is to come is prayer. We have been totally brought to our knees in dependency and pleading with the Lord for wisdom, for guidance, for provision, for help.

I asked Phoebe the other night what she wanted to pray for and she said happily, “I want to ask God to give me everything I want.” I thought to correct her at first, but then found myself nodding with understanding. Isn’t that essentially what we’re doing when we pray? In so many ways, we’re bringing our “wants” before God, asking Him to give us all the things we think we want and need.

“Keep us safe, Lord. Keep us healthy. Turn the children’s hearts to you. Provide for our needs. Work out this difficult situation. Help us, Lord. Bring justice. Forgive us. Forgive them.”

More than teaching her to be careful what she prays for, or to somehow imply that there is a right way to pray to God, I want to teach her to be real before Him and bring her whole heart before Him. I want to teach her that it’s the safest place for all her honest emotions. The place where she really can bare her soul, respectfully and honoring Him, of course, but with vulnerability + transparency. Isn’t this what He urges us to do, to bring our requests before Him, to pour out our hearts to Him and to ask for what we need and want? The beauty of children is their innocent asking, their constant and unabashed neediness. Yet as we age, we learn that usually getting everything we want strangles the life right out of the soul. We learn that we don’t really know what’s best for us, even though we think we do. We learn we can safely ask God for anything in accordance with His will, and yet we surrender all our requests to the safety of His will, knowing that even a good request, even a godly desire might be refused because He is after greater things for us.

Maybe He is after greater things than a totally safe life.

Maybe He is after greater things than perfect health.

Maybe He is after greater things than all our needs met all the time.

Maybe He is after greater things.

In our neediness, in our brokenness, in our failure, in our struggle, in our emptiness, in our loneliness–isn’t this where we grope for Him? Where we are are most reminded of our dependency?

I read this scripture the other day in Proverbs and felt like I finally understood it.

No ill befalls the righteous,
but the wicked are filled with trouble. (Prov. 12:21)

Really? No ill befalls the righteous? My life is full of ill!

Maybe the same things/events/circumstances happen to both those who follow God and those who don’t. Maybe the difference isn’t in what occurs, but the way each responds to it. Maybe all that the enemy plans for my harm, destruction, and discouragement, the Lord uses to drive me deeper into Him. Maybe what could derail me instead deepens me in Christ Jesus. Maybe that’s how whatever could be called “ill” can somehow, in the mysterious ways of God, in the wisdom of God that seems like folly to man, can somehow be called “blessing.”

When I bent to pray over the New Year in the early morning dark all alone, when I pled for Him to give me direction over this year and when I sought Him for a word over it, He clearly whispered Psalm 93 in my spirit. It speaks of waters rising, waters threatening to swallow up, to overflow, to drown. And yet, it speaks of Him reigning supreme. I believe He was wanting to tell me ahead of time what kind of year I can expect to have. I believe some things are going to come in this year that will make me feel totally out of breath, totally surrounded. (We are two weeks in and already feeling it.) He has spoken so much comfort and strength to me through the Scriptures. And this is the beauty of following Him, this is the beauty of knowing Him: He promises to go with me, to go before me, to carry me, to comfort me, to strengthen and establish me. He promises that nothing can come to me that He will not work for my good. He promises that in the end, not even death can separate me from Him. For the child of God, nothing is empty, nothing is meaningless, nothing is not ripe with blessing and fruitfulness, if we are willing to receive it, if we are willing to be open to it. The blessed life is not always the feel-good life. But what is my good? My good is to be near Him. To behold His beauty. To experience the power of His presence. To hear His voice. Sometimes the hardest of circumstances, the most desperate of times, the greatest of griefs are what it will take for me to experience Him the most deeply. He is faithful.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

(Isaiah 43:2)

outside + in

January 8, 2016 MarthaKimball3 Comments

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We’ve been really enjoying a lot of family time lately, and since the winter weather has been so crazy mild here we’ve been outside a good bit. My youngest brother was visiting after Christmas and we took the kids hiking on Graybeard trail in Montreat where Brandon and I spent so many of our college days hiking and exploring.

Noah also got his first fishing pole for Christmas and was so excited to go fishing with Daddy on the lake in our neighborhood. He caught his first fish, too!

Last weekend we were able to take an impromptu trip to South Carolina to visit Brandon’s parents as they are prepping their house to put it on the market. We had such a relaxing and quiet/restful weekend with them. The kids absolutely love them and their house. Noah had his first opportunity to sleep in a big boy room set up just for him, and he did so well and was so excited about it being just for boys. He and Phoebe seem to love sharing a room but I’m thinking he may be getting ready for his own space and it may be time to move the girls in together. All the kids are obsessed with the grandparents’ dogs, which are tiny little mikki’s. Philippa kept calling them “ba-ba,” which is her word for baby. Brandon and I were able to get out for a good run together while the kids napped on Sunday. I was able to spend hours knitting. We were all a bit sad to say goodbye, and when we pulled into our neighborhood late Sunday night Phoebe and Noah both started whimpering and Noah said “I hate home.” So apparently, they had a great time. 🙂

This week has been colder, we even saw some flurries earlier in the week! I realize I’ve been really feeling off without a good cold winter and no signs of snow. As much as I am savoring the milder weather with little ones who get cooped up indoors, it just feels so strange to see wisteria blooming and daffodils springing up through the dirt in January. I read on a friend’s blog a week or so ago that “winter is a time for dreaming” and I’ve thought about it so often since. think it’s important for us to have a season where we are forced to live more quiet, small, and slow because the days are short and cold. It’s been a hard week, in some ways, working on a lot of projects, cleaning, and our budget (read: gag me with ruffage). But Brandon did surprise me on New Year’s Eve with those sweet pink roses. And there has been time for reading hand-written cards and knitting baby socks. So life is good.

“winter is the time for comfort,
for good food and warmth,
for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:
it is the time for home.”
– edith sitwell

and for knitting + reading + watching “When Calls the Heart” + “Life Below Zero,” I might add.

Happy wintering, friends!

christmas day

January 1, 2016January 1, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

This was probably our favorite Christmas with the kids thus far. Whereas last year all of us cried at some point on Christmas morning and the children kept fighting over gifts, this year everyone seemed relaxed and content. I got up a good bit earlier than the kids to make our breakfast cake, enjoyed some time alone with coffee and candlelight and the Lord, and just savored that holy quiet anticipation waiting for the house to wake up. Soon the patter of feet running down the hallway, squeals and giggles and snuggles. We let the kids open their stockings right away, which was really fun. Phoebe tried on her socks that I had knit for her for the first time which was so awesome for me to finally see them on her and see how they fit! Brandon read the Christmas story, and we ate our Blueberry Yogurt Morning Cake (thanks to Shauna Niequist’s recipe, adapted to be gluten-free) with eggs + sausage, and sang happy birthday to Jesus. The kids truly love doing that.

After breakfast we opened the gifts under the tree and just took our time. They got a lot of books this year, mainly, plus one bigger item and a couple of hand knits and clothing items. Family members also contributed some of their gifts. I bought Brandon some new jeans + boots, and a woodburning kit. He bought me a beautiful bracelet (which I adore), a book I have been wanting, cozy socks, and some knitting supplies (a yarn bowl + wooden needles)! We headed out for a walk and bike ride, then B + I snuggled and watched a movie (and I knitted) while the kids took naps. After they woke up we headed to my parents house (10 min away) to gather with family, open some presents there together and have dinner. It was maybe one of my favorite times together, singing Christmas songs with my brother leading us in worship + piano playing. My parents always make the most amazing celebratory meals, and we were not disappointed!

It was a sweet day of worship and pouring out love on each other. It was simple + extravagant at the same time. For some reason it’s hard to achieve that, I feel, to worship our God and love one another extravagantly, and yet to keep the gifts simple. It’s a battle to keep our focus on celebrating the greatest gift of all, which is Christ. We fail in one way or another every year, but still, even knowing our frail and broken nature, He offers Himself to us afresh each year.

I hope you had a very Merry Christmas with your loved ones + that you have a blessed and happy New Year! Thanks so much for reading along here with our little family. You truly bless me!

we have a five year old

December 31, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

Her birthday is only a couple of days before Christmas. It’s historically very difficult to plan a party around that time, being that everyone is out of town usually or busy, and Phoebe is a girl who loves a party! When I asked her this year what she wanted to do, she said she wanted to play with her best friend, Melody. The morning of her birthday was a work day for Brandon, so as soon as the birthday girl was up, she opened her cards and gifts (it’s hard for a 5-year-old to wait all day) so that Daddy could be there. We gave her a sleeping bag and a new flannel nightgown, which is basically her favorite thing to sleep in ever. She will wear dresses night and day, given the opportunity. I also gave her the scarf she had asked me to knit for her in the yarn she had picked out, which she loved way more than I thought she would. I had also made her a hat, since she’s been asking me for awhile. Her cousins gave her a dress-up dress with a matching mini one for her doll, which she LOVES. Her friend Melody came over mid-morning and gifted her a wooden bead necklace set, which they loved working on together. Such a sweet and thoughtful gift! After naps, we prepped for some family to come over for dinner. She loved her cake and strawberries (which are her favorite) and opened gifts from Rainey + Grandpa (a play mobile dollhouse + some Hanna Anderson silver clog boots)! Earlier in the month, one of her aunties gifted her and I tickets to the Nutcracker ballet, which basically made it a perfect birthday for this girl who loves to dance.

It’s hard to believe this little one is already five years old. Her birth was one of the best days of my life and becoming a mother to her opened up a world of joy to me. She’s had a hard year in some ways, lots of change and doctor appointments. But she’s also matured so much this year and I am savoring the little bond that is growing between us. The other night I was taking a bath and she came in and sat with me, feet in the tub, and just talked about life and whatever was on her heart. She’s becoming such a little woman.

winter birthdays

December 28, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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For the kids’ birthdays we try to do something fun or different on their day, sort of let them decide what activity they want to do (within reason). At this age it’s so cute because they have no idea what options are available to them, so they ask to go on a bike ride or do a special craft. I sort of hope it stays that way. Simple is best! The hard part about winter birthdays is that there’s not much you can do outside and we don’t want to pay and arm and a leg to play somewhere indoors, either. We decided to pay for a family day pass to our local YMCA and take the kids climbing and swimming for the morning of Noah’s birthday.

It was such a hit for everyone and a great way for us to play together as a family! Every one of us had a chance to climb (well, Noah and the littlest only bouldered around) and it was refreshing for B and I to share something we love with the kids. Phoebe did really well and seemed pretty fearless, so we hope to take her again and let her try going a little higher. Of course, she made friends immediately with another little girl that was there bouldering around, and they had a blast.

After naps and snacks, Noah wanted to go out for a walk + bike ride. He saw the moon over head and said, “Look! The moon is coming with us!” We came back for dinner and gifts + cake, just us. He is the shyest birthday celebrant ever. He didn’t want us singing happy birthday to him, though we did anyway, and he didn’t want us to watch him blowing out his candle or opening his gifts. We got him a sleeping bag (thanks to my older brother for his pro-deals) and some new pj’s, and that stuffed Captain America (who he called “Jackson America”), because he kept asking for Superman for his birthday (Superman was unavailable, so Capt America stood in). He was probably most excited about the Lightning McQueen sticker book from his cousins.

This little guy is so fun and special and different from the girls, and it’s such a gift to get to raise a little man child.

Merry Christmas

December 25, 2015December 25, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

Merry Christmas from our family to yours! I’m so thankful for every one of you who read along here. I’m praying the light of Jesus Christ illuminates your heart + home today, and shines brightly over you in the year to come.

five years old

December 23, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

You.

With all your laughter. With all your curiosity, your creativity. Your huge imagination. Your happy approach to life.

I just marvel over you. The unexpected and undeserved gift that you are and continue to be to me, to us, to this family. In a hundred ways, you are wild grace to me from the Lord.

You’re my first, and in basically every way, you pave the way. That can be a hard burden to bear, my girl, but I know the Lord equipped you specifically for that role. This year with you has been so full of change. You seemed to have transformed slowly before our very eyes into this grown up little girl child. Still young at heart and little, but different somehow. This year has been both death + life to us. In the very middle of the year, we found out about your diagnosis with Celiacs disease, which felt very much like a death sentence in some ways. Death to whatever was normal before. I look at everything basically though the lens of “that was before we knew,” and “this is after we found out.” And yet, that very same month, you so quietly decided to give your heart to Jesus. I was skeptical at first that you really understood what you were doing, but I have SEEN HIM so change you. How can that be? I can’t explain it. But a huge shift happened after that, and you have been such a conduit of grace in our family since then. I have seen Him working in your heart, I have seen you become so repentant over any sin, and such a desire for God on your own, independent of our promptings. How can this be for a four-year-old? I don’t know, I can’t understand it. But it is precious.

I love the way you pray. The way you run in at night to your sister’s room as I’m putting her to sleep, the way you run in to pray over her and to sing her “Jesus Loves Me,” and kiss her goodnight. The way you are protective over your brother + sister, and love on them so well. The sweet bond I see forming between all of you, even amidst the days where there is fighting and tears.

I love the way you put creatures to sleep in tiny beds all over our house and dress up in the most gawdy of outfits, layers upon layers of tutus and dresses. I love the way you still have to start the day with snuggle time with me first, and the way you don’t really feel like the day has begun until we’ve had that time. I love your love for books and stories. I love the way your coloring has taken off to a whole new artistic level the past few weeks.

You are hilarious and fun and I think you are a light to everyone who knows you. Which is why we named you Phoebe, our little ray of light. You are my girl forever and I adore you so much. I look so forward to all that is ahead in the year to come!

Happy 5th birthday. Now, how ’bout those birthday spankings!?

Love
Momma

the boy is three

December 20, 2015 MarthaKimball2 Comments

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You’re such a stinker, my sweet sweet boy. My favoritest littlest man. I came into your room this early morning with a big number “3” balloon to wake you up, singing happy birthday, and you’re like, “No, momma! Don’t sing.” That’s so you. You don’t love the attention at ALL. You are such a quiet and tender spirit. You can be louder than both of the girls, don’t get me wrong. Never have I heard someone with a better ear-piercing high-pitched scream!

I say it every year, every birthday, with every child, I know, but I still can’t believe you’re turning three today. You changed SO much this year, you changed from being my baby boy to my little man. You are so tall, almost taller than Phoebe now, and definitely outweighing/outgrowing her. You love pancakes every morning if you can have them, or puffins if not. You love helping me make pizza so you can snack on the pizza cheese. You fell in love with Mater + Lightning McQueen this year, and the infatuation still stands. You gave up your bottle + after-nap snuggles this year. Now when you wake up in the morning and after your nap, you push away my hugs and kisses and get right to work playing. You love driving your cars and toys, laying down on the floor next to them so you can slowly watch the wheels turn as they drive. You were obsessed with the Christian Mother Goose cd, able to recite the whole thing with it as we listen. You’ve really started to learn and engage with our bible reading time, wanting me to ask you questions and explain to you like I do to Phoebe. You transitioned from crib to toddler bed this year, loving every second of your freedom to get in and out on your own like a big boy. We gave potty training a concerted effort this year. Maybe in 2016. You love for me to sing “There Once Was a Wild Little Donkey,” and “The B.I.B.L.E” (or “B.I.E.L.D” as you say it) before bed.

I love how when I ask you what you want or what you’d like to do, you say “Hmmmm…How’d about…” Or how you call the blender/food processor “the louder.” Popcorn is “pine corn.” After breakfast you tell me your hands are “stinky,” meaning sticky. In bed at night, you ask for a “speck” of water (sip). When I asked you what you want to do when you grow up, you said “go sledding.” You still get the hiccups HORRIBLY whenever I tickle you or get you laughing hard. One night I was kissing you goodnight and you asked me, “Momma, where is God?” And then as I’m answering you started sniffing and said, “I smell spiders.” Classic. Or how when you hurt something or we reprimand you for something, you always tell us “but that hurts my feelings,” pointing to some random part of your body. When I tell you I’m going to eat you up, especially your cheeks because they’re so full of juice you say, “NO! It’s all gone!” Daddy was teaching you how to put your own shirt on, how to look for the tag, and as you were putting your pants on you said, “But I don’t see the flag!” One morning you were coughing when you got up, I asked you how you felt and you said, “Berry Happy.” You are still super attached to your “dee-tee” and now “little mr. fox” and “big mr. fox.” You are starting to play with lots of imagination. I love when you are playing with your big and little tractors and little one is the baby and the big tractor is “tractor mommy,” and listening in to the conversations they have: “do you need to go potty?” “No, I don’t need to go potty.” “Tractor mommy! Tractor mommy! Where are you?” Etc. I love how one night at dinner you said to daddy, “watch your ‘tude, dude.”

Life with you is hilarious. You are quiet and mischievous and stubborn as all get out. You just recently started to ride Phoebe’s strider, after a year of trying to encourage you to pedal your “kykle” with your feet/pedals. Now all you want to do is ride the strider. If you feel like we are going to force you to do anything, you are afraid and dig in your heels, but if we give you some space and some choice in it, you will give something new a try.

We took you rock climbing for the first time yesterday to the indoor rock wall at the YMCA. When I was walking you into the rock climbing area, you said “I just want to go home and watch a movie.” Ha. Finally toward the end, after watching all of us climb, you decided to try bouldering around and were so proud of yourself.

I know this next year will be full of change. I know you’ll get the hang of this growing up thing in your own time and way, without too much force and pushing from others. I hope we can do the best job of guiding you and helping you and encouraging you as you go through this process. One night after I scolded you for jumping on me/hurting me, you burst into tears and said, “I just can’t be a good boy.” You are so precious to me, my little man. The truth is, none of us can be a good boy and girl on our own. We need a Savior! I hope and pray for you every day to love Him and turn your heart and life over to Him. I believe in your own time and way, when you’re ready, you will. I see in you such a kindness, a sensitivity toward the hurting and a desire to please God. I see you. I will walk beside you all the way. I will love you, even when you push me away. I will always be your momma + you will always be my boy.

I’m so thankful for you and the gift that it is to raise you and to love you. Happy 3rd birthday Noah-man.

Love
Mommy

oh, december!

December 18, 2015December 18, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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Lots of life happens in this month! These are just a few random snapshots from decorating with the kids, which is more fun every year as they get more excited about family traditions, and a recent visit to a local attraction, the Biltmore Estate, with my mom. If only I could have taken pictures inside, it is so beautifully decorated for Christmas! But it was nice to just soak it in with the kids. I haven’t been inside the House since I was a little girl, what a crazy thing it is to visit and to imagine living there. The kids thought it was a castle, which it sort of is. I look at it differently now, after Downton Abbey. 🙂 Also, our weather here has been uncharacteristically warm, which we are enjoying but it just feels weird. I’m ready for snow and storms and blustery wind and knitting cozy by the fire. In the meantime, we are trying to play outside as much as we can and make the most of it.

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