everything He gives

first snow

January 22, 2016January 22, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

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Here in the mountains of North Carolina we gladly welcomed our first big snow of the year last night. It’s still coming down in huge flakes as I write. We had a cozy morning taking it slow and then took like an H O U R to bundle everyone and get outside. This is the first snow Philippa can play in and potentially remember. One of the best parts of raising kids is getting to see them discover the world. SO fun. We took her on the craziest sledding hill ever and she loved it! As did the other kids. Until they didn’t, and everyone was thoroughly wet and soaked and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. But hey, that’s par for the course. Everyone recovered their sanity after hot chocolates and getting cozy by the fire.

This week has been a heavy week here, emotionally. A lot of friends and loved ones going through a lot of difficult things, and my heart has literally been aching on and off this week, grief rolling over me in waves, as grief tends to do. Tears coming unbidden at inconvenient times. Playing in the snow this morning, seeing the world blanketed in white, seeing it look fresh and new… it is a gift to me from the Lord. A quietness settles over our little corner of the world, broken only by children’s squeals and laughter, and we are soaking up every glorious second of it, even in the face of grief. Maybe we just needed the reminder that storms can bring glory as well as grief, beauty in spite of the bitter. Maybe we just needed to see that a storm can be the way God chooses to make all things new.

yarn along

January 20, 2016 MarthaKimball4 Comments

I’ve been working on Brandon’s socks now, almost done with the foot of sock one. Since they weren’t done by Christmas, maybe I’ll have them done by his birthday in a couple of weeks? 😉 Since he never reads my blog, I can safely tell you I will probably knit him a chunky warm hat, too. He hasn’t asked me to make him anything yet, but he asks every time I start something new “and who is that for?” I think he’s quietly waiting for his turn. I finished up the hat I was knitting last week (made up the pattern). Here is Phoebe modeling it, and then myself (picture snapped by Phoebe)! It’s a gift for a loved one.

I’m reading a few books right now, but this one came in the mail yesterday and I just started it. I am only one chapter in so I can’t tell you what I think just yet. I find I rarely read fiction these days and I’m in need of some good stories to get lost in. I’m hoping this is one of them! It’s about a girl from an Amish family in 1842 who has two marriage proposals, one offering her the home + life she craves near her family + faith, the other offering her an adventure West. I’m hoping she goes with option #2 for some reason. I’m drawn to everything prairie-life, alaska-related + homestead-y right now. Do tell if you know of other books in that genre!

Anyway.. I can hardly focus because this is what I’m seeing outside of my window from my desk. FINALLY!

Joining up with Ginny + all the other lovely knitters and readers at her blog today! Hop over there for great reading + knitting suggestions.

greater things

January 18, 2016January 18, 2016 MarthaKimball11 Comments

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Just a little glimpse into our week. We’ve been home a lot, doing tasks around the house, staying in instead of facing the cold or rainy weather, doing crafts and reading books. In reading Emily Freeman’s book Simply Tuesday last year (“last year” sounds weird to say, still), she talks about grounding ourselves in our present moments by keeping track of what fills our days. She does this by keeping a list called “These are the days of..” I’ve been finding myself mentally making a list, smiling over some moments, mourning others, and keenly aware that these days will soon fade into others. These things that are so common to me right now I will pretty much completely forget in a few years time, the way that winter slowly gives way to spring, frost melting and crocus pushing up through soil. These days so full of children, diapers, immediate felt needs, discipline, correction, training, tiptoeing in the early morning hours so as not to wake the baby, squeezing in tiny moments of prayer and scripture, etc.

These are the days of…
the kids banging on the window while they watch brandon leave for work
vacuuming around the toys
a never-ending laundry basket
morning snuggles
usually tidy but not always clean
philippa playing dress up in the laundry basket
noah says to me, “picture this” meaning, take a picture of this.
“adventures in odyssey” playing in the car

The year is two weeks underway, and already it is off to quite a start. Brandon and I have spent some time looking ahead and have been totally overwhelmed with some of the needs and demands this year is going to present to us. We are facing potentially one of our most challenging years yet financially. We are not seeing the growth and healthy response to the gluten-free diet that we should be seeing from Phoebe and have more medical work ahead of us to figure out why. We hope to buy our first home. We may need a new car as Brandon’s well-loved car nears 300K miles. We celebrate our 10th anniversary in May. We have a family trip planned in the summer that we don’t want to miss. We have some medical needs to deal with in 2016. Our firstborn will start school in the fall. And other things I can’t mention.

The only appropriate response we’ve been able to muster to all that is to come is prayer. We have been totally brought to our knees in dependency and pleading with the Lord for wisdom, for guidance, for provision, for help.

I asked Phoebe the other night what she wanted to pray for and she said happily, “I want to ask God to give me everything I want.” I thought to correct her at first, but then found myself nodding with understanding. Isn’t that essentially what we’re doing when we pray? In so many ways, we’re bringing our “wants” before God, asking Him to give us all the things we think we want and need.

“Keep us safe, Lord. Keep us healthy. Turn the children’s hearts to you. Provide for our needs. Work out this difficult situation. Help us, Lord. Bring justice. Forgive us. Forgive them.”

More than teaching her to be careful what she prays for, or to somehow imply that there is a right way to pray to God, I want to teach her to be real before Him and bring her whole heart before Him. I want to teach her that it’s the safest place for all her honest emotions. The place where she really can bare her soul, respectfully and honoring Him, of course, but with vulnerability + transparency. Isn’t this what He urges us to do, to bring our requests before Him, to pour out our hearts to Him and to ask for what we need and want? The beauty of children is their innocent asking, their constant and unabashed neediness. Yet as we age, we learn that usually getting everything we want strangles the life right out of the soul. We learn that we don’t really know what’s best for us, even though we think we do. We learn we can safely ask God for anything in accordance with His will, and yet we surrender all our requests to the safety of His will, knowing that even a good request, even a godly desire might be refused because He is after greater things for us.

Maybe He is after greater things than a totally safe life.

Maybe He is after greater things than perfect health.

Maybe He is after greater things than all our needs met all the time.

Maybe He is after greater things.

In our neediness, in our brokenness, in our failure, in our struggle, in our emptiness, in our loneliness–isn’t this where we grope for Him? Where we are are most reminded of our dependency?

I read this scripture the other day in Proverbs and felt like I finally understood it.

No ill befalls the righteous,
but the wicked are filled with trouble. (Prov. 12:21)

Really? No ill befalls the righteous? My life is full of ill!

Maybe the same things/events/circumstances happen to both those who follow God and those who don’t. Maybe the difference isn’t in what occurs, but the way each responds to it. Maybe all that the enemy plans for my harm, destruction, and discouragement, the Lord uses to drive me deeper into Him. Maybe what could derail me instead deepens me in Christ Jesus. Maybe that’s how whatever could be called “ill” can somehow, in the mysterious ways of God, in the wisdom of God that seems like folly to man, can somehow be called “blessing.”

When I bent to pray over the New Year in the early morning dark all alone, when I pled for Him to give me direction over this year and when I sought Him for a word over it, He clearly whispered Psalm 93 in my spirit. It speaks of waters rising, waters threatening to swallow up, to overflow, to drown. And yet, it speaks of Him reigning supreme. I believe He was wanting to tell me ahead of time what kind of year I can expect to have. I believe some things are going to come in this year that will make me feel totally out of breath, totally surrounded. (We are two weeks in and already feeling it.) He has spoken so much comfort and strength to me through the Scriptures. And this is the beauty of following Him, this is the beauty of knowing Him: He promises to go with me, to go before me, to carry me, to comfort me, to strengthen and establish me. He promises that nothing can come to me that He will not work for my good. He promises that in the end, not even death can separate me from Him. For the child of God, nothing is empty, nothing is meaningless, nothing is not ripe with blessing and fruitfulness, if we are willing to receive it, if we are willing to be open to it. The blessed life is not always the feel-good life. But what is my good? My good is to be near Him. To behold His beauty. To experience the power of His presence. To hear His voice. Sometimes the hardest of circumstances, the most desperate of times, the greatest of griefs are what it will take for me to experience Him the most deeply. He is faithful.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

(Isaiah 43:2)

Listening for His Voice

January 17, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
they shall become like wool.”

Isaiah 1:18 esv

yarn along

January 13, 2016January 13, 2016 MarthaKimball2 Comments

I’ve finished all the kids socks (pictures below) and am working on Brandon’s now. But I seem to need a couple projects going at once, so when my wooden circular needles came in the mail (late christmas gift from brandon) I got to work on a hat. I’m just making up a pattern as I go, and have never worked decreases on a hat before or knitted a hat in the round, so I’m hoping it turns out okay! I’m just about to start the decreases.

Also, I seem to keep multiple books going at once, too. I picked up I Capture the Castle from my shelves this week, just in need of some fiction lately. I remember enjoying it years ago and can’t quite remember much about it, so it’s been interesting to get back into it. I’m about a third of the way through. I think my perspective as a single girl reading it (before) is quite different now, almost 10 years of marriage and three children later. Love stories just read differently when your love story has mostly been written rather than being a blank page of wonderment before you, if that makes sense?

Anyway, it’s a nice diversion. As promised last week, here are some pictures of Philippa’s finished socks and the three kiddos all together. I see lots of mistakes in these socks, but I learned a TON and really had fun making them, and I prefer character over perfection anyway.

What are you knitting or reading? (Joining up with Ginny today. Go check out what lovely things others are making/reading for some inspiration!)

listening for His voice

January 10, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

“May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints of light.”
Colossians 1:11-12

outside + in

January 8, 2016 MarthaKimball3 Comments

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We’ve been really enjoying a lot of family time lately, and since the winter weather has been so crazy mild here we’ve been outside a good bit. My youngest brother was visiting after Christmas and we took the kids hiking on Graybeard trail in Montreat where Brandon and I spent so many of our college days hiking and exploring.

Noah also got his first fishing pole for Christmas and was so excited to go fishing with Daddy on the lake in our neighborhood. He caught his first fish, too!

Last weekend we were able to take an impromptu trip to South Carolina to visit Brandon’s parents as they are prepping their house to put it on the market. We had such a relaxing and quiet/restful weekend with them. The kids absolutely love them and their house. Noah had his first opportunity to sleep in a big boy room set up just for him, and he did so well and was so excited about it being just for boys. He and Phoebe seem to love sharing a room but I’m thinking he may be getting ready for his own space and it may be time to move the girls in together. All the kids are obsessed with the grandparents’ dogs, which are tiny little mikki’s. Philippa kept calling them “ba-ba,” which is her word for baby. Brandon and I were able to get out for a good run together while the kids napped on Sunday. I was able to spend hours knitting. We were all a bit sad to say goodbye, and when we pulled into our neighborhood late Sunday night Phoebe and Noah both started whimpering and Noah said “I hate home.” So apparently, they had a great time. 🙂

This week has been colder, we even saw some flurries earlier in the week! I realize I’ve been really feeling off without a good cold winter and no signs of snow. As much as I am savoring the milder weather with little ones who get cooped up indoors, it just feels so strange to see wisteria blooming and daffodils springing up through the dirt in January. I read on a friend’s blog a week or so ago that “winter is a time for dreaming” and I’ve thought about it so often since. think it’s important for us to have a season where we are forced to live more quiet, small, and slow because the days are short and cold. It’s been a hard week, in some ways, working on a lot of projects, cleaning, and our budget (read: gag me with ruffage). But Brandon did surprise me on New Year’s Eve with those sweet pink roses. And there has been time for reading hand-written cards and knitting baby socks. So life is good.

“winter is the time for comfort,
for good food and warmth,
for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:
it is the time for home.”
– edith sitwell

and for knitting + reading + watching “When Calls the Heart” + “Life Below Zero,” I might add.

Happy wintering, friends!

yarn along

January 6, 2016 MarthaKimball4 Comments

So I’ve finished philippa’s first sock and onto the cuff of sock number two! I’ve been really loving working with this color yarn (Semolina) and her sock is so darn cute on her, I can’t wait to see them both on. Once everyone’s are finally done I will snap a pic with them all wearing them! Philippa keeps snagging the finished sock and I catch her trying with consternation to get it on her foot. So I think she will like them.

I’m still working through a few books but haven’t gotten in much reading time the last few days. I have started this condensed version of Little Women with Phoebe. I found it at the Target dollar spot (along with a bunch of other bantam classics!) before Christmas for $1 so I couldn’t pass it up. This one looks similar. Plus it has great hand-drawn illustrations on almost every page which she loves in a chapter book. It is very condensed but it’s a good introduction to the basic story line and I will probably read her the longer version soon. She and I used to always read a chapter book together, one chapter a day (we worked our way through most of the Little House on the Prairie Books) but I’ve had a harder time squeezing this reading time in with her lately and want to get back to it. She is such a reader and it’s a way she and I can have just some special mommy/daughter time together.

Here are the socks for each child so you can see the sizing. The pink are Phoebe’s, blue are Noah’s and yellow are for Philippa.

Joining in with Ginny Sheller’s yarn along today. Happy knitting, friends! What are you working on?

for the fearful + trembling ones

January 4, 2016January 4, 2016 MarthaKimball5 Comments

“The Lord reigns; He is robed in majesty;
The Lord is robed, He has put on strength as His belt.
Yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved.
Your throne is established from of old;
You are from everlasting.

The floods have lifted up, O Lord,
The floods have lifted up their voice;
The floods lift up their roaring.
Mightier than the thunders of many waters,
Mightier than the waves of the sea,
The Lord on high is mighty!

Your decrees are very trustworthy;
Holiness befits Your house,
O Lord, forevermore.”

Psalm 93

This is how I enter a New Year. This, Psalm 93, is the word that breaks out over it. If I’m honest, I often begin a new year fearful. Maybe that’s something that will change one day, maybe it’s changing right now. The reality is, it’s the honest truth of my heart. He knows it anyway, I might as well be honest. He receives me, even in my frailty and insecurity.

I look back over the past year and I can’t believe the trials that were faced, the things that hit us that we could never have seen coming. And I fear, what is ahead? I know that no one gets through life unscathed, no one gets through a year unscathed by hardship of some kind. I know pain is on its way to me. Loss. Difficulty. And yet, joy is on its way to me, too. Good things are coming. Great joys are coming! We end the year singing hymns of peace on earth + good tidings of great joy, and yet I start the year feeling like the floods are threatening to rise up, they lift their voice and demand to be heard. But over it all, He reigns.

Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty!

No matter what comes, no matter what threatens to come, this is the ground beneath my feet: the Lord reigns.

It is the wonderful thing about being under His rule: it is brim-full of promise. He works all things together for my good. His purpose will stand and no one can thwart it. The good work He began in me He will bring to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. He will perfect that which concerns me. All His promises to me are yes + amen in Jesus Christ. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He gives more grace. He will make me happy by what His hands have done. All that He asks of me, His grace will provide. No weapon formed against me will prosper. That same power that raised Christ from the dead is now living in me. Christ in me, the hope of glory, the greatest mystery of all.

“For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.”
(Isaiah 54:10)

“God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea
Though its waters roar and be troubled
Though the mountains shake with its swelling.

There is a river whose streams
Shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved,
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge.”
(Psalm 46:1-7)

This is the answer to all of my anxieties: the Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge. This is the antidote: the Lord reigns.

I don’t have to hold my world up. I don’t have to hold Him on His throne–He establishes it, He is robed in strength + majesty.

Isn’t it, in a world gone mad, in a tumultuous world where bombings, terrorism, murder + rape, earthquakes + hurricanes, failing health, failing finances, failing relationships loom heavy– Isn’t it really the truth?

The world is established; it shall never be moved. (Ps. 93:1)

It feels wild and raging and out of control. But His word says it really is somehow all in His hands. The bedrock beneath all of our quaking and heaving is still the same: His purposes are fixed, they shall never be moved, not even a fraction of an inch by the sinfulness and instability of man and the fallenness of the created order. When it feels senseless, I must remember: It is all ordered by purpose.

So maybe I’m the only one who quakes a bit at the start of a new year. Maybe I’m the only distrusting and fearful child of His that looks back over the last year and sees all the hardship that came and sometimes forgets how His grace saw me through it all. Maybe I’m the only one who felt a bit bowled over by some things that came in 2015. Maybe I’m the only one who feels the enemy of my soul breathing threats and lies at the back of my neck. But I doubt it. For anyone else who quakes a bit at the verge of a new year, for anyone else who feels like they’re standing on shaking ground, for anyone else who is staring certain hardship right in the face:

He is our constant source of stability (Isa. 33:6).

The Lord of hosts is with us. The Immanuel of Christmas, the one who came to be with us as one of us, goes into this new year with us. He goes before. His hand is upon us. He is our rearguard.

Yes, the Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge.

So for you and I, the trembling ones, the quaking and sometimes-unbelieving ones:

May we know in 2016 that His throne is established, that we are His people, that He will establish us, that He will carry us, that His grace will see us through. May He be the security of our times.

christmas day

January 1, 2016January 1, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

This was probably our favorite Christmas with the kids thus far. Whereas last year all of us cried at some point on Christmas morning and the children kept fighting over gifts, this year everyone seemed relaxed and content. I got up a good bit earlier than the kids to make our breakfast cake, enjoyed some time alone with coffee and candlelight and the Lord, and just savored that holy quiet anticipation waiting for the house to wake up. Soon the patter of feet running down the hallway, squeals and giggles and snuggles. We let the kids open their stockings right away, which was really fun. Phoebe tried on her socks that I had knit for her for the first time which was so awesome for me to finally see them on her and see how they fit! Brandon read the Christmas story, and we ate our Blueberry Yogurt Morning Cake (thanks to Shauna Niequist’s recipe, adapted to be gluten-free) with eggs + sausage, and sang happy birthday to Jesus. The kids truly love doing that.

After breakfast we opened the gifts under the tree and just took our time. They got a lot of books this year, mainly, plus one bigger item and a couple of hand knits and clothing items. Family members also contributed some of their gifts. I bought Brandon some new jeans + boots, and a woodburning kit. He bought me a beautiful bracelet (which I adore), a book I have been wanting, cozy socks, and some knitting supplies (a yarn bowl + wooden needles)! We headed out for a walk and bike ride, then B + I snuggled and watched a movie (and I knitted) while the kids took naps. After they woke up we headed to my parents house (10 min away) to gather with family, open some presents there together and have dinner. It was maybe one of my favorite times together, singing Christmas songs with my brother leading us in worship + piano playing. My parents always make the most amazing celebratory meals, and we were not disappointed!

It was a sweet day of worship and pouring out love on each other. It was simple + extravagant at the same time. For some reason it’s hard to achieve that, I feel, to worship our God and love one another extravagantly, and yet to keep the gifts simple. It’s a battle to keep our focus on celebrating the greatest gift of all, which is Christ. We fail in one way or another every year, but still, even knowing our frail and broken nature, He offers Himself to us afresh each year.

I hope you had a very Merry Christmas with your loved ones + that you have a blessed and happy New Year! Thanks so much for reading along here with our little family. You truly bless me!

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