this cup

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Well, we are starting to feel like summer is here.  Last Friday we celebrated our last day of school for Phoebe’s kindergarten year.  I still want to continue reading and writing work with her over the summer to keep things fresh, but really, our homeschool co-op starts up again in August so we only have a few weeks (!!!) before we’re back in the swing of things again.  I think both of us need to feel like we finished before we start up again.  I need time to plan for the next year, order books and resources, make a calendar of sorts and have a plan in motion.  There’s a big homeschool book sale here this weekend so I’ll be pulling together my list in the next couple of days in preparation for that but I know I will need some time to plan out the next year as well.  Beginning “first grade” feels a bit more serious than kindergarten!  There are so many directions we could go in, and I feel that pull as a homeschooler to try to do everything and go in a hundred directions, but I know I need some time to seek the Lord and His plan for us for the next year.  There is a lot of freedom in homeschooling and so many worthy approaches that its almost overwhelming for me, someone who likes to be told the rules so that I can follow them!  Its a good challenge for me to stay small, simple, focused, and dependent on God’s leading.

Phoebe has been listening to audio books constantly on the little music player in the sunroom, coloring and having tea and flying through the Little House series.  She’s relistening to the Penderwicks book because I haven’t checked out the next one from the library yet.  Her last day of school she cried a bit, saying reading is just so hard for her.  She failed her eye exam at her recent physical and she goes to see an eye doctor next week to see if she needs glasses, which may explain why she gets super tired/frustrated when we work on reading.  She loves books and being read to, and she is starting to read everything she can around her, but she says it is her least favorite subject.  Who knows, I’m not too worried about it because she has been a book lover since she was 6 months old.  I do want to cultivate her continued love of it though and not frustrate her.

We celebrated our end-of-year with a yummy skillet chocolate chip cookie and a batch of coconut ice cream, and we all cheered as a family for the way each of us worked hard this year to make school happen.  Noah and Philippa were huge helpers to me, doing their best to stay out of the way while we did work, and a really close friendship developed between them as a result.  I plan to have more activities ready next year for them to engage in so that they can be included if they want to be.  Brandon supports me hugely, encourages me when I feel like I’m not doing enough, and helps out sometimes in the evenings with Phoebe’s work.  He and I both get excited thinking about him taking on some schooling in the future, too–teaching skills, doing field trips with the kids, or helping by reading or listening to Phoebe read books.  Homeschooling really is a family venture!

Summery things are blooming in the yard, butterfly bush and the last of the poppies, and our little garden is starting to produce.  A robin family built their nest in the tree by our porch so we’ve had fun peeking at the little blue eggs.  We have a huge rosemary bush by our mailbox so I’ve begun drying clippings from it to store up for the winter, which makes Phoebe extra happy since “it is just what Ma would do,” she says.  So we enjoy these little things, the markers of time passing, the liturgy of the ordinary, small shifts and small moments.  Life.

I’m knitting away as usual, and trying to squeeze in reading always.  I’m working on a hat for a loved one.  I have some “homeschool mom enrichment” books to read this summer, as I’m calling them.  A few things I want to refresh on as I look ahead and plan.  I have been wanting to read this book, Mere Motherhood, for a long time, and I’m excited to dig into it.  I plan to review The Well-Trained Mind again, as well as Teaching From Rest.  I hope to also read A Charlotte Mason Companion.  There are so many other good ones out there, but a few is probably all I will realistically accomplish.

It’s my birthday today and it’s been mostly a usual sort of Wednesday.  When you’re a momma with little ones underfoot, there isn’t much of a break from the daily tasks.  Spills and messes still happen, children squabble and need parenting, dishes and laundry pile, meals must still be made.  I really don’t mind, though.  I’m happy right here.  I mean, I’ll take a stack of books, a long bath, some knitting time, and a good long run on a mountain ridge any day, don’t get me wrong!  I’m learning to lean into the fray a bit more instead of just trying to survive it until the break comes.  I realized last night and this morning that I kept humming Sara Groves song This Cup.

How many hours have I spent
Watching this shining tv
Living adventure in proxy
In another person’s dream
How many miles have I traveled
Looking at far away lights
Listening for trains in the distance
In some brilliant other life?

This cup, this cup
I wanna drink it up
To be right here in the middle of it
Right here, right here
This challenging reality
Is better than fear or fantasy

So take up what we’ve been given
Welcome the edge of our days
Hemmed in by sunrise and sunset
By our youth and by our age
Thank God for our dependence
Here’s to our chasm of need
And how it binds us together
In faith and vulnerability

This cup, this cup
I wanna drink it up
To be right here in the middle of it
Right here, right here
This challenging reality
Is better than fear or fantasy

What if my whole world falls apart?
What if my life could be different?
What if I sat right here and took you in
Without the fear and loved you whole
Without the flight and didn’t try to pass

This cup, this cup
I wanna drink it up
To be right here in the middle of it
Right here, right here
This beautiful reality
Is better than fear or fantasy
Is better than fear or fantasy
Is better than fear or fantasy

We’re all hemmed in by sunrise and sunset, our days all have edges, our life is limited by bounds.  Another year passes, another year comes.  We can fight our limitations, grumble about our reality or surrender to what God has given us and say, this cup I will drink.  To be present, right here in the middle of this moment–that’s what I want.

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