everything He gives

easter

April 7, 2015 MarthaKimball1 Comment

This Easter was special in so many ways. I’m learning to treasure this time of year more + more as I continue to learn about the significance of the resurrection of Jesus for my day-to-day living. My children, each year, are more able to share in that understanding and excitement. It was Philippa’s first Easter and the first year my older two were able to really enjoy hunting for hidden eggs. It was so sweet to see Phoebe intentionally leave eggs for Noah to find and hear her calling out to him, telling him where to look. It was the first year we sort of had a very simple kind of Passover meal (though I forgot the unleavened bread and couldn’t get the readings to print in time, and we had it on Easter day instead of Maundy Thursday). A certain four-year-old of mine got her first pair of “heels” for Easter, much to daddy’s chagrin. What was super special and such a humbling honor was the opportunity to share with my church family a little about my story of getting lost in the snowy Colorado backcountry 14 years ago and God’s hand in preserving my life (which you can read more about here), along with a few others who shared particular ways God showed Himself strong on their behalf in the midst of difficult times. It made our Easter worship at church extra special for me! It was pretty much impossible this year to get a good family picture, but we captured what we could. Hope your day was special celebrating our risen + living Savior with loved ones!

The Gospels

April 2, 2015April 2, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

It’s spitting rain outside right now. A dreary start to the week, but I don’t mind. The house is quiet, all three children, two of which are sick, asleep in their beds. I can hear the tapping of rain against the roof and windows, a quiet rhythm, a beckoning.

Quietly, I set the percolator back on the stove, the smell of freshly ground beans fills the kitchen. I make my way to the fireplace, to the desk. Normally I don’t allow myself such a luxury during nap time, but I’m battling this head cold too and my body is asking for rest. I’m relieved, grateful for the excuse. My soul has been so full lately, aching to spill out.

This season of motherhood is busy. It pulls me in a lot of different directions. Aside from that, our culture spins on the wheels of distraction. So many things vie for our attention and seek our focus. We have to protect our focus, friends. What are the main things? What can I simply not live without? What is my mission, my purpose, my calling? This is a process we return to again and again, we get out of balance and find ourselves exhausted, overrun, and numb. We go back to the drawing board, we go back to our focus and we pare down what has come in and choked out our time and energy. We pare down what might be good but not best. We remind ourselves to stay fully present in this present season, that other seasons may come when our time must be managed differently. But for now, hand to the plow, girls, hand to the plow.

“Don’t work for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easy going formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way of life–to God–is vigorous and requires total attention.”
{Matt. 7:13-14 MSG}

You may know by now that I’m a resource geek. I love finding + sharing helpful books and tools to spur myself and others on in our journey to knowing Christ better and in displaying His glory in our lives. And we certainly do live in an age + current culture of endless resources. There are always more books, bible studies, online communities, and great companies to support.

The voices can crowd in and get a bit loud.

That’s how I found myself at the start of 2015, looking for a quiet refuge. Feeling that my soul has gotten a bit harried. Hurried and harried. I love bible study resources more than any girl you know, but that still small voice that I’ve come to know and trust has been calling me to quiet down. To come back to just the pure Word. No other voices. Just His.

I found myself aching to spend time with Jesus. Of course, I know all of Scripture is God-breathed, all of it is His inspired word, all of it points to Jesus. But suddenly I find myself aching to walk with Jesus and hear His red-letter words, to study and become exceedingly familiar with the three years of His precious life that we find recorded in the Gospels. I find myself needing just to journey beside Him on His earthly journey. What was He like? What were His priorities? How did He spend His time? Did He rest? Did He celebrate? Did He laugh? I remember watching the Bible series that came out not too long ago on the History channel, and feeling the winsome pull of this Jesus even imperfectly rendered in the series. So much so that when He went to the cross (on the show) I missed Him. I felt the missing of Him that I imagine the disciples felt when He was just gone. I wept from the missing of Him and the longing for full fellowship with Him promised to us in glory that I can only begin to understand through His indwelling Spirit now. A foretaste of glory.

Looking back, I had the best college experience imaginable. I never saw it coming. You see, I fell in love with Jesus in the pages of scripture when I was 18 years old, living on my own in the rugged snowy peaks of Breckenridge, Colorado. Something shifted then in my heart, and although I had been a Christian since childhood, I was suddenly hooked by God’s word. I couldn’t wait to study it and I couldn’t get enough. It began in the Gospel of Mark. With a commentary in hand and a journal, I read and studied and devoured God’s Word. Shortly thereafter, in a strange turn of events, God interrupted my plan and brought me back to the gentle mountains of North Carolina to college at Montreat. I fell in love with God there and He renewed and reformed me there. My understanding of Him was so broken and He opened my eyes to the edges of His hugeness, the mere fringes of His glory. I studied Outdoor Education, but I took + audited as many bible courses as I could possibly fit into my schedule. One my favorites was a course called “Gospels” with Bill Cain. He was the college Chaplain at the time, and he made a great impact on my life. He was so winsome, so joyful. I had never read and been immersed in the Gospels before like I was during that semester. I remember reading Yancey’s book “The Jesus I Never Knew” and just falling in love with Jesus all over again. I thought I knew Him, but He was a beautiful mystery.

Now, I am thirty years old, as old as He was when He began His earthly ministry, when He turned water to wine. My husband just turned thirty-three, the age Jesus was when He went to the cross. It’s hard to imagine that He completed His work at age thirty-three, a work so revolutionary it would forever divide history into two eras: B.C. and A.D. Before Christ + After Death. We mark our entire human history around those three years.

And I’m thirty. It’s sobering. I am called to be the literal and physical hands + feet of Jesus to the world around me. I am equipped with the same power He had to perform the miraculous. In fact, He said I would be able to work even greater works than His. And so, I’ve been in Matthew. I know I’ll dip into some other studies over the course of the year along with my church family and as God leads, but all year long, I intend to walk with Jesus in the Gospels, all the while asking Him to make it new. To make me new.

I can’t even begin to tell you how precious and fruitful it has already been. It’s like standing beneath a firehose with an open mouth, trying to drink it all in. It’s hard to read the Gospels and not be struck by the shift in paradigm from the kingdom of men (constantly at work building our own kingdoms) to the kingdom of God. It’s hard to read the Gospels and not see all the incongruities of my life and the life that Christ exemplifies and calls me to. It’s hard to read the Gospels and not feel a bit uncomfortable with how comfortable I’ve grown in the world–how the constant barrage + current of the world system continually and daily pushes against me, tugging me to go along downstream, to go with the flow. The kingdom life will look + feel like constant resistance, constant work. A life surrounded by needy people — people who need hope, love, life, healing, forgiveness.

I read Matthew chapter 9 and I am absolutely floored by its end. I literally read it in tears:

“Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest truly is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” (vs. 35-38)

Can you imagine Jesus in the flesh preaching the Gospel to you? Oh, to have heard that. What a mess we were, and yet He was moved with compassion. He sees how scattered and weary we are, bumbling about like idiotic sheep, scrambling, looking, bleating for a shepherd.

Listen to it again, in the Message translation:

Then Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and villages. He taught in their meeting places, reported kingdom news, and healed their diseased bodies, healed their bruised and hurt lives. When he looked out over the crowds, his heart broke. So confused and aimless they were, like sheep with no shepherd. “What a huge harvest!” he said to his disciples. “How few workers! On your knees and pray for harvest hands!”

It’s nearly more than I can bear. I can’t wait to fall more in love with Jesus through the Gospel accounts and remembering what He was busy about when He was busy on this earth in the frail bounds of a human body. If you’re looking for a place to read, if you’re curious who this Jesus is, consider joining me? Grab your bible and a journal and read just a little bit a day and record what He says to you. Write down what confuses you, what questions it raises. Chase all the rabbit trails. Take your time. Let’s grow very familiar with Jesus together, friends. Let’s fall in love with Him all over again.

Stay the Course

March 30, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

“The first hour of the morning is the rudder of your day”

– Henry Ward Beecher

If the first hour of the day is likened to a rudder, then Monday seems like the rudder of the week. Here’s to a good Monday, friends, and to staying on course throughout this week! I pray we are diligent in our work, tending to it with all of our heart and with great energy. And when we veer off course? May we turn to the One who can guide us back and redeem even our missteps for His glory.

“I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!”
(Ephesians 1:18-19)

Catching up

March 26, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

Well, I bit off a bit more than I could chew. I’m terribly behind in posting reviews on the last few books I received so I’m going to lump them together here.

The Beauty of Grace by Dawn Camp

This book was a fun read, something easy and encouraging, a great way to wind down before bed. It is a compilation of writings on various topics such as purpose, surrender, trust, + worship, written by some of today’s most popular writers and bloggers. Some of the contributors were old favorites of mine such as Tsh Oxenreider, Ann Voskamp, Lisa-Jo Baker, Emily Freeman. Others such as Kristen Strong, Kayla Aimee, Bonnie Gray, Leeana Tankersley, Maggie Whitley, + Deidra Riggs, were new to me. There were many other contributors, each offering a short meditation or reflection on the topic, along with a scripture. Since it was a compilation of writers writing on a variety of topics, I would classify it as more inspirational rather than instructional.

Some of my favorite features are the accompanying photographs and the brevity of the chapters, as well as the fact that it’s arranged topically so you can flip through it to whatever interests you.

(Thank you to Revell Publishing for a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.)

Worry Less So You Can Live More by Jane Rubietta

I was drawn to this book…. for a friend. Ha. Just kidding. Yes, I admit it: I’m a worrier. Rubietta is a new author to me, though as an author of fifteen books, she is certainly not new to the writing scene. I was initially struck and refreshed by her writing, which was poetic + depthy. She writes this book to share her own story of moving from worry to delight and encouraging readers to do the same, and yet her style is such that you are drawn in and lost in her words. It reads gently, more like a memoir than a self-help book. Probably my favorite feature is how she ends each chapter in an application section with scripture, some provoking questions, and then prayer, called Votum, and a response from God, sung back over us, a Benedictus, all written by Rubietta herself.

She covers how to delight even in our most anxious seasons, the dailyness of God’s presence, the way worry boxes us in when God invites us to live in wide open spaces, how our tears are tools, and our difficulties are gifts that give us empathy. Truly beautiful. One not to miss.

A little excerpt for you:

“I quit reading fiction–too frivolous if people are perishing. No more cracking jokes. Somewhere along the journey I stopped laughing, lost all perspective and balance. Everything seemed overly important, everything an issue, whether it was paying two cents too much for a gallon of milk or gasoline (Good Christian Women save money, and furrow our brows while doing so) or being two minutes late for a commitment.

But all this seriousness is killing me. It’s killing my heart, probably literally, but also figuratively. Joie de vivre–joy of living, of life–is not a reality, only a fun French phrase. Isn’t the root of such dreadful seriousness…worry? And isn’t worry a misunderstanding of the God who carries the whole world in his hands?…

Forgoing delight is like an emotional vow of poverty, based on a poor understanding of God. Will God love us more if we live our devout and holy life without cracking a smile or having our heart turn somersaults over the sunset or the erratic path of a butterfly? As though God were a great big Curmudgeon in the Sky, with furrowed brows and a tight fist. This isn’t God the Abba-Daddy, this is God the judgmental, finger-pointing, shaming miser. But looking around, where’s the evidence of a God like that on this globe? Enormous generosity blossoms from the earth, drips from heaven, appears at the lip of the world every single morning and every single evening. Unfailingly generous, it seems to me, is this God we love and serve and maybe try to keep a safe distance from.”

(Thank you to Bethany House Publishers for a free copy in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.)

Own Your Life by Sally Clarkson

Oh, friends. This one is a good one! A great one. Clarkson is a trusted source of wisdom, a biblically grounded woman with a heart heavily inclined toward discipleship, a seasoned mother of adult children, a gifted and engaging writer. Sitting with this book feels much like sitting with Clarkson in a cabin in the snowy Colorado mountains over a cup of steaming tea as she reaches hands across the table and takes your hand and implores + encourages you to own your life. We live in an age of incredible distraction. All of our technology has afforded us unprecedented levels of busyness. As women, we need a call to live lives of great intention + purpose, lives grounded in scripture where we find our identity, our worth, and the very reason for our existence. Clarkson’s book is just such a siren call, reminding, encouraging, exhorting, all the while pouring out from her own deep well of lessons learned and life lived. What will your legacy be? Are you living today with your legacy in mind? Are you living carried to and fro by the whims of your circumstances? Maybe you would be helped by Clarkson’s book. I certainly have been! Rather than heaping on further guilt or a heavier burden to carry, Clarkson writes in such a way as to inspire and gently instruct and gives courage that we really can fulfill the purposes God has for us individually while we walk out our time here.

A little excerpt for you:

“My counsel to all those crying out for help: in order to move from chaos to order, we must each make plan that will move us away from a never-ending flurry of activities toward God’s design for our lives. That plan begins by identifying the drainers and sources of chaos that steal our spiritual and emotional energy. To move forward, in other words, we must first recognize what is holding us back…Often there is a subtle confusion about how life ‘got’ this way. Nonstop activity is a cultural badge of honor that supposedly means a person is making progress. Busyness falsely promises productivity. Frankly, our culture encourages us to take on more and more, and busyness and distraction can be addicting. Yet we are drifting further from the life God designed us to live. Surely this is not the abundant life God promised. Is there a better way to find purpose and satisfaction?”

(Thank you to Tyndale Publishers for a free copy of the book in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.)

Happy reading, folks! As always, I love to hear from you: what you’ve been reading and enjoying lately?

Keep Plowing

March 9, 2015March 9, 2015 MarthaKimball3 Comments

Every year I follow along with the Passion Conference via the live stream. Sometimes it’s just sheer piercing pain to follow along, to hear the speakers calling out to and calling up the next generation, speaking to purpose and destiny. For the past three years I’ve followed along while nursing babies, while recovering from birth in the hospital, while washing dishes in the sink and surrounded by scattered toys and laundry basket.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not complaining. I cannot express enough how much I adore this season of being a momma. It was always a dream of mine to be living THIS right here, babies and a house and just the ordinary work of the home. Maybe you think that’s a small dream, I don’t know. When Brandon and I found out our little firstborn was on her way, I didn’t have some big career I was leaving behind like so many of my momma friends. I had been working service jobs for some time since graduating from college. So it wasn’t a hard thing to switch to stay-at-home-momma mode. It has been the greatest joy of my life!

Still, you get a bit in the trenches of it and then you tune into something like Passion and the other ambitions of your heart, the other ambitions for great kingdom work around the world are stirred up again. They are remembered again. Oh yes, that’s who I used to be. I mean, that’s who I still am. Somehow and somewhere, buried under the piles of laundry, bills, dishes, and dark-circled eyes. Somewhere beyond this little world the big world is still spinning.

It’s hard to not be set aflame with great desire to see the nations glad in God when you watch something like Passion. And then you sit there amidst your four little walls and the temptation is to feel small. What is this that I’m doing here?

And then the dangerous question, the question that comes up so often in my heart: Is this enough, God?

Is this enough, in light of all You’ve done for me, Jesus, to just be here cleaning toilets, filling tummies, reading stories, teaching manners, nursing babies, mediating sibling rivalries, folding clothes, running errands? Is this a worthy way to spend my days? Is there more I should be doing? Something more important?

I think any momma who is honest will admit she asks herself that question.

Last night I watched + listened to Christine Caine speaking from 1 Kings 19. It’s well worth your time to go and read the account in its entirety. She was speaking about Elisha, how he got his beginnings in ministry. Did you know that second only to Jesus, he worked the most recorded miracles in Scripture? Elijah found him plowing, and he became Elijah’s assistant.

Did you catch that? Elijah found him plowing. There he was, just working his field, behind a long row of oxen’s rear ends. A place of anonymity. A place of slow progress and slow returns. God found him busy working. God found him. While he was being faithful in the mundane, the unglamorous + irreverent, the dirty, the small, the stinky, and anonymous work, God saw him. God came to him there and gave him a ministry.

Christine Caine was making the point that we simply cannot be resistant to work. We must be busy working, right where we are, wherever we can be. If we want to be greatly used in the kingdom of God, we simply cannot be afraid of plain hard work.

Are we looking for importance? For a big name? For a glamorous position? For esteem? Success? Money?

As I’ve gotten deeper into parenting (while, admittedly, I am still quite the newbie to parenthood), I’ve gotten better at learning what I can feasibly take on and what is going to put too much strain on the family. It’s still so hard to say no sometimes. Yes, there is pressure and guilt, whether real or imagined, from a culture (even the Christian culture) that places such a high premium on productivity, activity, and busyness.

There are a lot of opportunities that I would love to be a part of. Even hearing about global and foreign needs can make me so restless at home. Is this really enough, God, when children are starving? When children are being trafficked? When there are so many who are still unreached? It feels wrong in some ways to just be investing into my own home and children when the need is so great. Yet I know it is “my field” right now.

My husband and I recently went on a little “visioning” date for the New Year and over the course of a few hours worked through Jennie Allen’s “dream guide” and then discussed it together. One of the things I am most convicted about afresh this year is to be wholly given and devoted to my primary field, which is Brandon and my children. I’m often busy mentally at home with girlfriends, fellow mommas, this blog space, and responding to needs in these spheres. While that’s all so good and important, it can’t be that I’m neglecting my kids in order to “minister” elsewhere. I’m so convicted that, as for me, the very best and firsts of my strength must be given to my immediate family (1 Tim. 5:8). If there are scraps of time and energy and resources left, then of course, I am eager to invest it in others as much as I am able. For me the struggle is often getting that backwards, and the result is a husband and children who are getting the scraps and leftovers.

But if you’re like me do you ever wonder, what, then, do I do with these burning desires in my heart to participate in these other kingdom works? When I’m aching to go to Africa but have no means? When there are needs at church that I simply cannot logistically work out a way to help with?

Maybe it’s not revolutionary to you, but the realization hit hard last night while watching Passion. “PRAY the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” (Matt. 9:38) Send the workers into the harvest, Lord! My field here right now may be very small, very tucked away on an obscure little anonymous and unseen plot of land. But I can pray. I can pray the Lord of the harvest to equip and send workers out into the field. I can pray for souls to come to salvation, for all nations to be made glad in Him. I can pray for daily opportunities to plant seeds while I’m plowing this little muddy field. I can trust that at some point, I will be the worker He sends into that field. But in the meantime… this right here is the field I’ve been sent to: For the one so desperately wanting to contribute, you are contributing to the work by raising children up in the fear + admonition of the Lord. God has entrusted you with these children, these precious lives, and you, in all the world, are the best equipped to love, to suffer long with, and train up these little lives. That’s why He gave them to YOU. If you don’t invest in them, who will?

Don’t miss this precious and most important work right in front of you because the global need is beckoning and your former freedoms haunt.

With that said, let’s not discredit prayer as a major contribution. But, see, it too is unseen. It feels small. It feels unimportant and, once again, anonymous. God sees. God hears. The God who beckons us to pray for Him to send out workers, He will honor that prayer with a harvest. A harvest of workers in fields where we cannot work.

If we are not willing to grow smaller in our labors for Him we can never expect to be used greatly by Him. It is the humility of our plowing the prepares us to serve Him in more public endeavors with humility. You see, while we are busy at our plows, He is also turning the soil of the hardened ground of our hearts, breaking up the hard clods of pride there, making us soft, broken, pliable, ready, available, open. Preparing us, accustoming us to decreasing, that He might increase.

What an incredible God we serve, who both calls and enables us to co-labor with Him. What an incredible God, who always reminds us that the servant cannot be greater than his Master (John 13:16), who takes us from one place of serving to another. In the end, no matter what plow He has sovereignly placed in our hands, let us serve Him there with great humility and joy. Let Him find us working!

Let There Be Light

March 5, 2015March 5, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

This little board book for children is absolutely LOVELY. I’m always looking for ways to teach my children God’s Word and to bring Scripture to life for them. The illustrations are truly stunning, and this book has been lying around the house for a few weeks now, with the kids constantly poring back over the magical yet life-like drawings. This book aims to break down the story of Creation found in Genesis 1-2, illustrating how God formed all that we see from nothing, culminating in His creation of mankind, the crowning glory of His creative work. The artwork and text is engaging for young readers (intended for ages 4-8) and also agrees with the biblical account, which is, of course, important to us! I love the way the illustrator imaginatively depicted God’s person in each of the pictures, whether as a form of light or as a hand hidden within the illustration, displaying Him as intimately involved with the work of creating.

A boardbook edition of the popular Let There Be Light, the story of Creation from Nobel Peace Prize winner, bestselling author, and cultural icon Archbishop Desmond Tutu paired with Nancy Tillman, the phenomenally successful New York Times bestselling children’s author/illustrator of On the Night You Were Born.

I would highly recommend it as a delightful read, and as a tool for teaching the concept of Creation in an easy-to-break-down and understand way to your children! To pick up a copy of your own, click HERE.

* * * * *

I received a complimentary copy of this book from HarperCollins Christian Publishing in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.

From Today

February 24, 2015February 24, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

We were surprised with a decent snow (for our neck of the woods) this morning! It’s a sweet reminder to me that God is always working, even while we’re sleeping, covering the old with something new, giving us the gift of a fresh start and new mercies every morning. I’m grateful for the delight of snow on this otherwise ordinary Tuesday. Though we’re still battling some sniffly noses and aching ears over here (please, germs, go away!), we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get out for a little bit and play in it!

For those of you to whom it’s relevant, happy snow day!

The Discipline of Play

February 20, 2015February 20, 2015 MarthaKimball5 Comments

Somewhere along the way I traded exploration, creativity, imagination for utility. Somewhere along the way I decided usefulness trumps play. When time is short, and the reality of the darkness of our world creeps in, and work threatens to suffocate, who has time for art? Who has time for recreation? Who has time for pleasure? When my Christian brothers + sisters around the globe are losing their heads for their faith, how can I justify sitting idly and losing mine in a book?

I think of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the great theologian and pastor in Germany during the Nazi regime, desperately fighting against the dominance of the Nazi mindset and theology, its putrid sectarianism creeping into Christ’s very church. What a time to live in! Believers during that time were facing intense persecution and the daily knowledge that their time was short, their lives were at risk. Hardly was there time to waste when doctrines must be fought for and upheld, lives must be rescued.

And yet, even in the midst of this time of war, Bonhoeffer, who led + taught a seminary, regularly included recreation as part of the seminarians disciplined life. Did you catch that? He made sure they had time to P L A Y. Who could possibly think about playing in a time of such great risk and suffering?

But the reality is, who can think at all if one doesn’t have the release found in play?

One of Bonhoeffer’s students said,

“Bonhoeffer wanted a genuine, natural community in the Preacher’s Seminary, and this community was practiced in play, in walks through the richly wooded and beautiful district of Pomerania, during evenings spent in listening to someone reading, . . . in making music and singing, and last not least in worship together and holy communion. He kept entreating us to live together naturally and not to make worship an exception. He rejected all false and hollow sentiment.” (I Knew Dietrich Bonhoeffer, p.155)

Sometimes when the world is spinning crazy and threats of war overwhelm, we must remember our humanity, we must still honor the creativity with which our Creator instilled in us. He made us to be creative in His image. He made us to be moved by music, to be triggered by the beauty of nature toward mediation on His divine attributes. When we are tired and weary, we must discipline ourselves to play.

We must make art in the face of war.

And even in the weariness of our regular work, we must sabbath and refresh our souls.

Something God has been teaching me lately is to honor His creativity in me, the desires I have to pursue the arts. It was more natural to me as a child; I have journal after journal of poetry, drawings + scribblings, and stacks of songs I had written from my younger years. Then I “grew up” and gave all of that up in the name of maturity, adulthood, in the name of pursuing God. Somehow I separated “creating” from true spirituality, no longer seeing it’s use in the Kingdom work.

But God is calling me to be a child again in my creating. To honor the longing to write, to get back to the work of play. Plain and simple play, play that isn’t for any purpose other than play. No agenda, no hoped-for-outcome. For a utilitarian like myself, this is a discipline!

So, yesterday, after the kids were napping and my household tasks were mostly done, I sat down with a paintbrush + paper. I’ve never worked with watercolors before, never really painted much before. It was humorous to me how many times I got nervous about what I was doing, afraid to “mess it up,” and literally had to say out loud to myself, “This is just play. Just fun.”

This was the outcome (and, not pictured: a restful, happy me):

Let’s take time to play, let’s discipline ourselves to play when all the world is telling us that only what is profitable, only what is measurable is valuable.

Who knows what we could create? Who knows what beauty we might bring forth?

The Fringe Hours

February 17, 2015February 17, 2015 MarthaKimball3 Comments

“The glory of God is man fully alive.”
St. Irenaeus

It was the first hike we’d been on in awhile and it was fresh air to my soul. I had had a hard labor with my second born and also a very slow recovery. I was fully wrapped up in my newfound role as “Mommy” to my two precious little ones, and the days were full. But on that hike, I remember hearing a quiet whisper in my soul, like the whistling whisper in the pines: “Remember who you are.”

I snapped a picture of our chacos, my husband and I, to remember. We met leading backpacking trips for an outdoor program, but we had spent little time nurturing that part of our hearts since having kids.

Fast forward a few months…

It was “that” time of day again. You know what I’m talking about, if you have little ones. The bewitching hour, the 5 o’clock melt down. I was hurrying to get dinner on the table, while my three-year-old daughter and one-year-old son squabbled and whined around my feet. I was pregnant with our third, and it had been a long day. One of those days where you are literally counting the minutes until your husband gets home. And banking on the fact that when he walks in the door, you are beelining it to the bathroom for a quiet moment. Or twenty.

Hot steam from the oven rising in my face, waves of nausea rolling over me as my body was telling me dinner needed to be ready soon, and of course, the phone rings. My husband calling, saying he would be late again. The realization sinks in that I’ll be wrangling these two wild ones into the bath and pajamas and bed on my own again, another night. In that moment, it’s hard to hold back the tears. But I surrender to the inevitable and get back to work.

A few hours later when my husband is finally home and we’re catching up about the day, he’s asking me if he can go on a sailing trip that weekend with his dad and that’s when I sort of have a break down. Alone again with the kids? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I adore my children! But the hard thing sometimes about being a mother is your job doesn’t end at 5pm. You don’t get to leave the office and come home. You are always on-call. Even in my sleep, there’s a part of me that’s listening for anything out of the ordinary, listening for that child who might need me.

That’s when I had a break down of sorts. That’s when I realized things were just sort of out of balance. With my husband training for a marathon, he was leaving for long runs early in the morning, sometimes as early as 4 am, and then sometimes not getting home until the kids were already in bed. I felt like a single parent some days. But as soon as I felt the words, “I need a break!” rising like a scream in my soul, I felt something even stronger rise up: guilt. A break from my kids? What kind of mother says that?

I didn’t begrudge my husband for what he needed to do and for the responsibilities he was juggling. I just began to realize I needed to start protecting a little bit of time for myself to get away and turn off the constant “ON” button in my brain.

When all this began pouring out in a hot mess of tears, my sweet husband was more than happy to accommodate. He agreed, it was important for me to have some time to step away and just do what would reenergize me. We began working some things into our schedule, and he was persistent in asking me if I needed some getaway time on the weekends. At first, I continued to feel guilty taking this time, whether it was just to grocery shopping without the kids, or go out for a cup of coffee with a friend.

I couldn’t shake this sense that I really needed to be there for everything. Like it was wrong for me to not be there every night to tuck them into bed, or to not be there when they got up from their naps. I couldn’t shake the sense that I felt like I needed to “please everyone to the point of emptiness” (Fringe Hours, p. 41). But we pressed on.

With practice came more freedom. It became easier to let go, to see that my kids really enjoy having some time alone just with Daddy. It was amazing to see how a little time away refreshed and reenergized me to jump back in to my tasks at home. It felt like I was coming alive again, enjoying my family more instead of being irritated at everyone for always asking for more.

You see, I believe Jesus teaches us that we are to serve from a place of overflow, not emptiness. We are to be so filled up in Him first, and then from that place, we pour out to others what He has given to us (Luke 6:45, John 4:14). Even Jesus, in His perfection, pulled away frequently from all others to a quiet place alone with His Father for refreshment. If the Son of God needed to refresh Himself in order to best serve the world, how much more do we?

This is why I think Jessica Turner’s book, The Fringe Hours will be a wonderful help to many women who find themselves worn down, weary, never making time for themselves, and often drowning beneath the effort to please everyone to the point of emptiness.

I can’t tell you how many friends have talked with me about this particular struggle, the struggle to find time to do the things they love. Many believe that we simply have to forego those hobbies or passions during this season of motherhood, and while I agree that different seasons of life allow for different freedoms, “we must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please” (Fringe Hours, p. 45). I think sometimes we wrongly assume that Christ’s call for us to serve others means we should be haggard, depleted, always giving and never resting. I think sometimes we think the more worn out we are, the holier we must be, and we wear our exhaustion like a badge. God made us whole people, with a body, a mind, a heart, a soul. We are to tend to these aspects of our being out of reverence to Him and as part of worship to Him (Romans 12:1).

What are we teaching our daughters? I look at my now 4-year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like in her young eyes. Does she look like an empty shell of a woman, always bedraggled, wearing yoga pants, exhausted, and slaving away over chores or running the kids around to various activities? Or does she see a woman who is enjoying life while being a momma? A woman who is still herself, still loves the things she always loved, makes time to play guitar, to hang out with girlfriends, to pursue creativity, making things with her hands? Does she see a woman who is bubbling over with life? A woman who is fully invested as her mom, but still has passions and ambitions? Or does she just see a tired, irritable woman?

Jessica Turner, the lovely lady behind the popular lifestyle blog The Mom Creative, didn’t just write this book from her own intuitions about women and how they use their time. She surveyed over 2,000 women and conducted research, and then drew from her findings to write this book. The Fringe Hours is meant to help women take back pockets of time that they already have and utilize them in order to pursue the things they love.

This book is super practical with tons of tips and ideas for how to better manage your time and also to discover creative ways to fit your passions into your day. For example, research shows that every person waits on average 45-60 minutes per day. Jessica discusses ideas like planning ahead and keeping a book with you, a needlework project you’re working on for a friend, or notecards to write encouraging words to a loved one while you wait. She discusses barriers to self-care such as guilt, comparison, and self-imposed pressures. She helps you identify some of your old passions and gives many ideas to encourage you to continue pursuing those things, even if it looks entirely different in your current season of life. She also discusses ways we can identify areas in our lives that need more attention

One of my favorite features of the book was that it was interactive with journaling sections peppered throughout each chapter, causing me to respond and record my reactions and goals as I read.

If you find yourself sort of drowning beneath the waves of busyness in your life, this book will be a great help and advocate for you to spend your time well and invest in what truly matters so that, ultimately, you can better glorify God.

Here’s a little trailer from Jessica! Also, you can find out more about the book + read the first chapter HERE.

My Fringe Hours

February 13, 2015February 13, 2015 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

I’m so excited to be a part of Jessica Turner‘s launch team for her forthcoming book (February 17th, you guys!!) The Fringe Hours.

According to Jessica,

“Fringe hours are those little pockets of time throughout the day that often go underused or are wasted altogether… Literally a limited or appointed piece of time that is found in the margins of a day.”

“Activities and passions pursued during the fringe hours make a life more beautiful and the participant feel more alive and more uniquely herself.”

I’ll write more on the book soon, but for now, I just wanted to share some of what I’ve been enjoying in my fringe hours! It’s been a really great reminder to me that we have to take care of ourselves + our own souls before we have much to give to anyone else. I’ve been way more intentional lately in my fringe hours (or moments) each day to think about choosing what will most refresh me. Somedays that has been staying up late to read or to write. Some days it has been getting outside and going for a trail run in the brisk cold air. Some days it’s taking time to snap + edit pics of my sweet babes.

What do you do in your fringe hours? Do you make a point to refresh and rest your soul by doing what you love and what makes you come alive?

Also, if you’re interested in winning a free + signed copy of Jessica Turner’s book, check out this giveaway on her blog!

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