I heard this song last week while watching Shauna Niequist’s launch party for her book Present over Perfect that releases tomorrow. I can’t stop singing it. It made me cry because Brandon and I have been in the process of looking for our very first home. We have been renters for 10 years and have saved a downpayment many times only to have to spend it on hospital bills, pregnancies, and obscene amounts of car trouble. It has been a long and rocky road, requiring a ton of trust and patience in the Lord’s plan and timing. I am probably more comfortable with waiting at this point than we are with moving forward. It has become normal and it feels safer.
Our lease is up at the end of this month on this rental we’ve been in for the last two years, and our landlord is only willing to sign a six-month lease rather than going month-to-month, so we are back on a holding pattern somewhat, it seems. I trust the Lord’s timing and am thankful that I don’t have to hurriedly pack up a house during this month meanwhile starting my very first year of homeschooling with Phoebe. My sanity is thankful. But my heart longs to have a place that I have the right to call home. We’ve always lived in borrowed spaces and, as grateful as we are for our many many blessings, that does take its toll after so many years.
Anyway, I’m hoping I can sing these words over our new home one day soon. Until then, we call this temporary place our home. It teaches me time and again that my place here in this world is ultimately temporary and God is preparing for us a Home that will be everything our hearts have always been restless for. The longing is piercing, but it isn’t bad to be reminded of the reality of the tension we live in. We really were made for a better place, the paradise of His presence and His perfection, and our souls know our exile.
So it’s been on my heart to get our house in order. Things tend to pile up and clutter when you have three little ones. Mentally I need to quiet the home, declutter, take care of the piles gathering dust here and there, minimize and sell what we don’t need or use. I want to carve out a small space in the home for schooling supplies to make a special little spot for Phoebe.
Phoebe and Noah have been sharing a room since Noah was 3 months old, and they have pretty much loved every minute of it. Philippa has been in her own room. For a long time, Phoebe and Noah have been party animals at night after lights are out, usually coming out to go to the bathroom a handful for times, plus giggling and jumping around out of their beds. Noah seems to be the rabble rouser, and Phoebe, on the healing journey with an autoimmune disease, is the sleepier one who tends to drag during the day because of the late night shenanigans. So we decided to separate them, putting Noah in his own big boy room for the first time, and moving Philippa into Phoebe’s room. Noah and Philippa are little BFFs and if we put them together, they would only keep up the late night party pattern. So, last week we moved beds and furniture around. The kids thought it was great fun, and they’ve been sleeping well in this new arrangement. Noah was a little scared the first night all on his own, but I think he was really proud of himself in the morning and I think as the second-born/middle child, it feels really special to have his own room. We’re still working on moving decorations around and finishing up, which seems sort of silly if we may end up moving soon, but I’m feeling the need to get the house in order and organized as much as possible before school begins. Everyone keeps telling me its only kindergarten and it is really no big deal, but I know it will be adding a sizable chunk to my weekly workload and I will feel more prepared going into it with house projects crossed off my list.
In an ideal world, at least. 😉 Everything is in disarray and disorder for now. I try to make a few small goals a week toward this end, keeping up with all my usual weekly work keeping a home running, always working toward order, and learning to enjoy the inevitable chaos.