Courage, Dear Heart

DSC_0253

Hey friends.  I finished this book, Courage, Dear Heart: Letters to a Weary World, not too long ago and wanted to share about it with you here!  Written as letters to the brokenhearted and storm-battered, in each chapter Reynolds strives to offer three things: words for our pain, the presence of a friend/companion in the journey, and hope so that we can run the race.

You cannot be human for very long and not feel some heart ache, some brokenness.  As you live and walk farther, you only gather more hardships along the way–no one gets through life unscathed.  Of course, life is not only about the hardships and there are rivers of joy.  However there are seasons where the grief and pain seem to swallow up all of the light and we aren’t sure that we’ll ever recover.

In my own life there have been a handful of excruciating seasons, most I can’t really share in this space.  One such season for me was in the first couple of years immediately following Phoebe’s diagnosis with Celiac disease.  Of course the shock of the diagnosis and its implications for lifestyle changes was one overwhelming aspect.  There was so much change so quickly, so much to learn about, such a huge leap in our grocery budget, medical bills from multiple procedures, etc.

Even now as I sit to write this, I am overwhelmed trying to explain the depths of what this journey has been like for us.  I’ve tried writing this post out a few times and keep coming up short.  There is so much, so many layers.  Emotional pain, physical pain, spiritual ramifications, financial strain–the way all of that hits a marriage, the way my husband and I process it all differently and then have to work through it somehow together.  The way it makes a mother nearly go crazy to watch her child suffer and to feel helpless.  Then there is the PTSD of sorts of having gone through something like this, and the temptation to live now in the shadow of the next shoe dropping.  It has been one of the hardest seasons to date, one I’m not sure I’m totally through yet and certainly not one I can fully unpack or process yet.  I was sharing about it with a close friend + confidant recently, how going through this has somehow fundamentally changed the landscape of my soul.

All of that to say, Reynolds book strikes a chord with the storm-battered and weary.  So many words have sounded empty and hollow and lifeless in this season.  Few seem to speak the language of the suffering.  Maybe only those who have walked through these kinds of dark valleys can speak the tongue of it, sending forth words to pull another groping traveler along.  Her words are honest, simple yet profound, hopeful.  It’s rare that a book will make me cry, but there have been time that her words have reached that inaccessible closed off part of my heart and helped to crack it open a bit so the pain can be released.  That is a gift, friends.

She offers permission to suffer, to be human–which we so desperately need when in the company of fellow Christians who often unknowingly communicate that we must be strong in our trial.  She offers a realistic view of what it looks like to be human and yet carry the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit.  (What a mystery!)

I highly recommend it for those of you who might be in a trying time for one reason or another, needing letters from a fellow sojourner who can offer real hope and care and help you grope for God through the dark.  I leave you with this little excerpt from the introduction:

“In C. S. Lewis’s The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, young Lucy finds herself trapped inside a thick, enchanted darkness in which all nightmares come true.  Overwhelmed by fear, she cries out to the great lion, ‘Aslan, Aslan, if ever you loved us at all, send us help now.’

At this moment of desperation, Lucy notices a light.  She looks along its beam and sees something inside:

‘At first it looked like a cross, then it looked like an airplane, then it looked like a kite, and at last with a whirring of wings it was right overhead and was an albatross.  It circled three times round the mast and then perched for an instant on the crest of the gilded dragon at the prow.  It called out in a strong sweet voice what seemed to be words though no one understood them.  After that it spread its wings, rose, and began to fly slowly ahead, bearing a little to starboard. . . .No one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, “Courage, dear heart,” and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan’s, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face.’

So courage, dear heart.  I know you are tired.  I know the darkness is thick, and the way is longer and harder than you ever expected it to be.  But God sees you, he hurts with you, and he welcomes your honesty.  Even to the ends of the earth, he will lead you on.”

A special thank you to Tyndale Publishers for their complimentary copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.  All opinions my own. 

yarn along

0

I finished the body and am onto the first sleeve of Philippa’s birthday sweater, which I’m knitting with yarn I dyed myself.  I’m really happy with it!  It’s probably time to hunt for buttons.  The weather has turned colder here and I always feel a bit caught by surprise when I start digging through bins of children’s winter clothes and layers and discover what we are short on.  It seems wren needs a few more warm layers, and I’m wanting to cast on all the things.

I didn’t finish Home Education Vol. 1 (affiliate link) but it was due back at the library.  I made it about half way and I would recommend it and probably should buy it for myself.  The Liturgy of the Ordinary (affiliate link) is a book Brandon gave me for my birthday back in June and I’ve been forcing myself to wait to read it.  If you’ve been around my blog for any time at all, you know that this theme of the sacred found in the ordinary is the theme I seem to orbit around the most and find the most fascinating.  I’m planning on going on a little solo retreat early November and was hoping to read it then but I couldn’t wait, so I started it the other evening.  I love it already.

What are you reading and making lately?

Joining Nicole’s weekly Crafting On.  Feel free to join in, too!

fresh mountain air

DSC_0030DSC_0032DSC_0033DSC_0036DSC_0037DSC_0039DSC_0040DSC_0041DSC_0042DSC_0044DSC_0045DSC_0046DSC_0047DSC_0049DSC_0053DSC_0055DSC_0057DSC_0062DSC_0066DSC_0068DSC_0073DSC_0086DSC_0087DSC_0097DSC_0075DSC_0099Nothing clears my head like escaping into the mountains, even in the smaller capacities that we are able to manage in this season of raising little ones.  A friend and I got together last week for a day trip to Mt. Mitchell, which is now a pretty decent drive away from where I live (versus college days when I was in this area all the time).  We took the day off of formal schooling and enjoyed getting out and away without much agenda.  My children so enjoy playing with hers, and they were busy drawing in their notebooks, hiking, climbing around, picnicking, and gathering scattered down trees to build a fort.  It gave my friend and I some time to catch up and just be away from our normal routines.  Breathing that fresh mountain air and connecting with friends did wonders for all of us, but probably especially me.  I was needing the cool air and the break away from As I was loading the stroller back into the van I forgot that my DSLR camera was tucked in the bottom of the stroller with all the coats and it fell out and clattered on the pavement.  It no longer takes pictures and I’m hoping to get over to the other side of town sometime next week to drop it off at a repair shop for a diagnosis.  I’m sure it will be okay, one way or another.  At first I felt panicky because as I’m sure you would guess after years of blogging here, I kinda sorta can’t live without my camera now.  (I mean, that’s an exaggeration.  I really could if I had to, but it’s a pretty big priority.)  I do also use it on the side for some very part time work.  I’m sure we will find a way to have a functioning camera soon.  If the blog goes quiet for a bit (or at least less picture-heavy) you’ll know why. 🙂

Ps. Wren is wearing a sweater knit and gifted to me by Natural Earth Farm.  They make beautiful things and she has similar baby sweaters in her shop right now for such an affordable price, if you’re interested!  She gifted me some of her hand cream too and it is the nicest I have maybe ever used.  Also, wren’s hat was gifted to me by Ruby.  Knitters are such generous folk. 🙂

 

yarn along

0-4

What a week it was last week!  This week is busy as well, and knitting truly helps keep my sane in the midst of it all.  I’m almost done with the first sleeve of my Tegna and can hardly believe I might be able to block it and have it ready to wear this week!  Woohoo!!! In the meantime, I cast on for Philippas birthday sweater, another Sunday sweater (pattern by Ginny) with my hand dyed yarn (dyed with avocados).  I will share more about this yarn soon, if and when I get a chance to shoot out another post.  In the meantime, it is the squidgiest wool and I had no idea how much satisfaction and joy it would bring me to knit with yarn I’ve dyed myself!  It makes me even more excited to see the finished product.  I plan to knit all of the girls a “sunday sweater,” having already finished wren’s (except for buttons! gah!).  Philippa and Phoebe will both get one as their birthday sweater with the yarn I’ve dyed myself.  I’ve also ordered yarn for Noah’s birthday sweater and now I have more knitting ahead than I can probably finish in time, but I will try.  Kid sweaters sometimes go really quickly for me and I’m hoping I’ve started early enough to accomplish them.

ALSO… sorry for the different format of the photo.  Tragically, I dropped my DSLR camera last week while on a hike and I believe it is toast.  I am hoping to drop it off at a repair shop soon to find out details because I won’t be able to do much of my usual blogging, family pictures, and also the (very) part time work I do taking photos for my husband/dad’s work website. 😦 😦 😦  Very sad.

I’m still reading Home Education (affiliate link).  Enjoying it but needing a fiction book soon methinks.

Joining Nicole’s weekly crafting on.

 

yarn along

DSC_0012

I’m working on the front shoulders of my tegna sweater and I’m really excited to have this piece done to wear this fall.  The weather here hasn’t really cooled yet so it should be done just in time.

I’m also almost half way through (affiliate link) Home Education and am really enjoying it.

What are you reading and making?

Joining with Ginny’s Yarn Along and Nicole’s Crafting On.

 

 

 

 

first day of fall

DSC_0208DSC_0215DSC_0217DSC_0218DSC_0220DSC_0221DSC_0224DSC_0227DSC_0230DSC_0231DSC_0236DSC_0238

Last Saturday was the first day of fall, my favorite season officially arriving at last.  I had hoped to make the day an autumnal celebration, but as is so often the case things went differently than planned.  Philippa wasn’t feeling well, I had only gotten a few hours of sleep, and Brandon was working so the thought of pulling much together was exhausting.  Still, I was thankful I had a few things ready beforehand so we could still make it special.  The children hung a leaf banner for me on the mantle and I pulled out little baby pumpkins for them to paint, which we’ve done for a few years now.  I had hoped to plant some flower bulbs around our property but couldn’t muster the energy.

For me, the coming of fall is much anticipated, bringing all its beautiful colors, crisp air, and coziness.  I don’t mind winter and the cold short days one bit, in fact I crave it, but I know many people dread the long season of cold and dark.  It will be my first time planting bulbs this year, and it struck me a bit poetic, planting for spring now just before winter.  Planning and anticipating the season that will come because of the work of the season I’m in now.  These flowers need to overwinter in the soil.

I had woken up that Saturday morning with so little sleep behind me and another long day ahead, and I was fighting discouragement.  When I’m in that place, I should know better than to give much credit to my thoughts, but I was feeling overwhelmed by all I’m trying to juggle lately, I was feeling discouraged about this blog space.  I feel like I have less and less time to write, which is why I primarily began blogging (a space to share everything God teaches me along the way, a place to pay attention to His presence in my ordinary days).  I feel like my purpose in blogging gets muddled, and who really reads along anyway?  For so much work and effort squeezed into such little pockets of time, is it really worthwhile?  There is so much on the table, and so little I can feasibly give myself to.  Yet that very morning, God sent along some particular encouragement to keep going even if I can’t see where it is all headed.

You see, we do important work in our winters.  There are some things in us that simply MUST overwinter before the fruit is born.  We can’t rush the story.  We can’t see now where our faithfulness in this present season will take us.  We need to stop worrying about our destinations so much, and instead trust the process that will lead us there.  Be faithful here, plan for spring, hope for blooms, but carry on into winter.

This past Saturday was a much better day.  With the children, I planted a couple varieties of tulips, allium, and daffodils, along with some clematis plants a friend had given to us.  We will be eager to see them in spring, and will think often of those little bulbs all snug in the frozen soil throughout the winter.

“Gardens are born in winter.  Not only in fireside dreams, but also in the messy work of tending small pots on sunny windowsills.  And in the harsh work of planting early seeds in cold soil…

I long to see the glory of God in this place, to taste it even, but for everything there is a season.  These are still planting days.  These are the early days of small beginnings.  Days to sow, quite often in tears, hoping, believing, that we may one day reap in joy.”

-Christie Purifoy

Also, the maple pumpkin custard I made for dessert to celebrate the autumn equinox recipe was found here and it was easy and a big hit with everyone!

yarn along

DSC_0023

When the yarn arrived for my tegna sweater I couldn’t help casting on as soon as possible.  I labored a bit over sizing because this top is supposed to be oversized and boxy, and I really want it to fit just as the designer models it.  I did a swatch but didn’t want to take the time to block it, so I’m hoping that mine turns out as I want it to!  I’d like to have this top to wear this fall, possibly to the big fiber festival that happens in our area the last weekend of October, so other projects are being neglected a bit as I work on this. Also, I am loving ever single second working on it.  My first time with mohair, it is lovely!

I’m still reading the last couple of books I’ve shared over the last few weeks but also picked (affiliate link) The Fleece and Fiber Sourcebook up from the library.  I feel like I’m falling more deeply into this craft and loving it so, and am fascinated by understanding different fibers and how they behave.  It has been fun to peruse this book and it’s one I would like to eventually add to our library.

What are you reading and making lately?
Joining with Nicole’s weekly Crafting On.

stay with the music–words will come in time

Found these words today from an October two years ago and thinking how they still ring so true and are needful for me to hear again.

MarthaKimball's avatareverything He gives

dsc_0212

I have been blogging less because I have been writing less.  My life has been busier, my time feels squeezed straight out, and so my heart and soul have been busier too.  I don’t do well with this.  It isn’t how I was made to operate.  I do well with a lot of silence, a lot of hearing the wind’s gentle whisper in the tops of the pines.  I do well with long stretches of study, reading, journaling.  I do well with sufficient sleep.  I do well when I have “filled the well,” so to speak, and the words tumble out of the overflow.

This season is gloriously full.  This season has days that begin at 6 am with one daughter’s voice in the baby monitor saying, “That’s mine, Bee-bee!”  It has days that begin with missed alarms, beds that have been wet again.  Bills that are past due…

View original post 681 more words

making progress

DSC_0001DSC_0009DSC_0011DSC_0014DSC_0016DSC_0018DSC_0003 (1)DSC_0004DSC_0007DSC_0008DSC_0009 (2)DSC_0011 (1)DSC_0018 (1)DSC_0019DSC_0021DSC_0022DSC_0026DSC_0028DSC_0030DSC_0027DSC_0017DSC_0035DSC_0036DSC_0045DSC_0047DSC_0052DSC_0065DSC_0067DSC_0068DSC_0071DSC_0078DSC_0079DSC_0081DSC_0083

I mentioned a couple of posts back that we’ve been doing some work on our little “school room” which is a room right off of our kitchen, where my laundry room and also our little sunroom adjoin.  Since moving into our home over a year ago it was my plan to make some changes in this area of the home and make it more suited to study.  I think creating an environment that is beautiful, simple, clean and inspiring is important to foster learning.  Last year we mostly did schoolwork in the living room, but it became a difficulty for phoebe to focus, and for me always lugging all of our supplies and books from the school room over to the living room.  Thus far, keeping our schoolwork in the school and sun room area has really made a difference in helping us all to focus and I love having all of our supplies within reach.  It was essential to me to make a “bigger kid” space for Phoebe that was clean, minimal and well-lighted.  Brandon does such a great job taking my ideas and making them happen.  He built for me a simple floating desk in a little nook that was in the school room, and I think it’s been fun for Phoebe to have a more grown-up feeling area to work.  He also finished the chalkboard I dreamed up and I love everything about it.  I was just telling him last night what a huge difference it makes in our school room and in our teaching/learning to be able to write things out and keep work up on it that we aren’t finished with yet.  There is still, of course, a lot I would like to do in this space, but as with most projects we take on in this season of life we have to take small steps at a time because of both time and cost.  Instead of feeling like I want it all to be perfectly “done” all at once, I’m happy to make it a goal to improve, add to, and tweak it every new school year.  It grows as our little home school grows.  Anyway, I promised to share finished photos with you, so here they are, messy desk area and all.  I think a nice big rug would make this space a bit more cozy, a really great overhead light to replace that old fan (because this room is the least well-lit room in our home, unfortunately), and I will probably work on replacing chairs in this room as well.  We may add some book shelves in somewhere (the wall where the map is now?) because our school book collection is growing steadily.  Brandon would love to vault the ceilings in this room and create a nook up in the attic area above it, but those are lofty dreams.

I feel like I have a lot of creative projects on the go and in my mind.  I would really like to (and sort of need to) update and overhaul this blog space.  I mentioned that I have a few homemade items that we would like to sell in a little family etsy shop space.  I need to get that up and running, hopefully in October!  I have a litany of knitting projects and of course, Christmas and birthdays are approaching and I have a few birthday sweater ideas for the kids.  So there is a lot to work on and really so little time in the nooks and crannies that are leftover in a day.

I spent most of a recent Saturday working in the garden, pulling out the zucchini and squash and peas that were dead (everything got powdery mildew a few weeks ago) and tying up the tomatoes, tilling the soil to prep for planting a fall garden.  It felt so very good to get in there and clean everything up after some weeks of neglect.  Our tomatoes, green peppers, herbs, asparagus, swiss chard, sweet potatoes, and zinnias are still going strong, although with hurricane florence expected to arrive here Thursday evening, I wonder if we will have much that survives.  Maybe it’s good I haven’t planted any fall things yet?  I’ve never done a fall garden and don’t really know if I’m too late anyway, so if you have any tips on that, do comment below and share your wisdom!  I was hoping to do a lot of greens like spinach, arugula, kale, and try again at beets (the groundhog destroyed what I had planted earlier in the summer).  Is it too late to plant some butternut squash?

Our marigolds are abundant, and although I’ve sworn up and down to Brandon that I’d never have an interest in dyeing yarn, something has suddenly switched and I’m curious to use some of the plants we have in abundance on our little property to try a little natural dyeing.  (Because I really need to add another project to my plate!)  I’m really only planning to try dying a few skeins for sweaters for my girls, but we’ll see.  Both girls wandered into the garden with me to harvest the marigold blooms and all of the children want to help me dye.  I think it could be a fun little science-y experiment for us all.  You see your whole yard and surroundings differently when you know how many plants give such vibrant color!

Also, about the hurricane.  We are in the western part of NC in the mountains, but are still slated to see quite a bit of wind and rain.  Typically with any big storm our neighborhood looses power and has some flooding (our unfinished basement almost always floods), so that’s probably the worst that we will see.  Maybe some downed trees.  We do have some family on the coast who stand to suffer quite a bit more, so our thoughts and prayers are with them and with everyone bracing for a fairly big hurricane.  If things are quiet here on the blog it may be because we are out of power.  I went through the garden yesterday gathering as much as I could, and then made the most simple and amazing roasted tomato soup with all of our big heirloom tomatoes.  Hoping everyone stays safe, warm, and cozy this week/weekend.

yarn along

DSC_0126

This space has been quiet since last week, sorry for that!  We are still figuring out our new rhythms with school, our co-op, and a fun homeschool PE class the kids are taking weekly.  I have so many things to tackle in the next month and a half, some days it all seems feasible, other days I feel completely inundated.  Right now, we are all a bit distracted with the hurricane about to hit our coastline this week.  We are pretty far inland but still have family right on the coast of SC, and we are bracing and preparing mentally for a lot of days of rain, flooding, and possible power outages.

As for knitting, I have a few projects on the needles but mainly keep picking up my plume shawl.  I’ve knit a few more repeats of the pattern since last week, in between working on other projects.  The lace is easy to memorize and even work on with children around and lots of interruptions (which I usually cannot do).  It’s going to be so gorgeous when finished after the lace is blocked, I can’t wait to see it!  It’ll be hard to part with, but at the same time I think the recipient will really love it, so that makes it worthwhile.

I’m just finishing up Courage, Dear Heart and then Home Education came in at the library.  I have meant to read it for awhile, and now am digging into it to see if it’s one I should just buy (probably, right?).

Joining with Nicole’s weekly Crafting On.
Affiliate links included.