my little family – Page 17 – everything He gives

the language of flowers

July 29, 2016July 29, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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“The earth laughs in flowers.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

A little while ago I typed this question into google: “what is the purpose of a flower?” Interestingly, most of the links that came up talked about the scientific purpose of a flower in the process of reproduction and pollination. In fact, many of the articles said that the “sole purpose” of a flower is for reproduction for the plant. Of course, on a scientific level, that is true! But if I were to ask you what the purpose of a flower is, would that be the first thing that would come to mind? I find that to be a rather sterile view of the world (never mind the irony). Surely art has something of value to say to us and not science only. I was a little surprised that nothing about the cheering effect of flowers was mentioned. Or their smell. How about the way they are used to make perfumes? Or the fact that they have long been acknowledged to have medicinal and therapeutic benefits?

My little Phoebe-girl loves picking flowers and creating little bouquets and arrangements. I asked Brandon to make her a flower press so she can begin keeping them in a more lasting way. Maybe it’s just my quest for permanence, my longing to hold onto these fragile days that are blooming and fading so quickly. How these kids are growing! How I cannot seem to hold them down and keep them still and just this way for just one minute. To keep Noah just as he is, trotting out of bed early in the morning, always playing “lion” and referring to himself as the lion (such as, “the lion wants a snack,” and “lions don’t like thunder,” etc.). Or this game that phoebe and noah play together frequently called “boswell” where noah is the cat, boswell, and phoebe is his owner and walks him around on a “leash.” Or how philippa is talking up a storm and constantly bowling us over with her personality, always trying to keep up with phoebe and noah, loving to read the “fock” (fox) book every night (“I love you Because You’re You”).

These days are so weary and exhausting and full and busy just with the simple work of running a household and keeping everyone fed and happy, and then all of a sudden everyone has grown again and I just want to hold everything down for a minute and keep it still so I can take it in. But the days just keep going, time just keeps ticking away. I suppose thats part of why I snap so many pictures, this quest to hold onto these days and not forget them.

Anyway, as for the press, Brandon made it for phoebe this past weekend and she loves it! She felt pretty special that daddy made something just for her, and she has been busy pressing flowers. I want to get her a little simple journal where she can glue the flowers in, but she also may make some cards with them for thank you notes and such. It’s a simple thing, but one that I think helps her pay attention to the natural world around her, the beautiful things that God created not just for the holy work of reproduction, but also for the holy work of beauty. I can’t wait to use the flower press as a way for Phoebe to begin a nature journal and as a way for her to catalog different plant species in the future for educational purposes. But for now, I want her to pay attention to and simply enjoy the beauty she finds around her.

He created our souls to be moved and affected by beautiful things. It’s why we give flowers to someone who is grieving. It’s why we bring flowers to someone who just had a baby or who accomplished something great. It’s why we spend a fortune on fresh blooms for a wedding, sprinkling them all around, signifying new life is beginning. It’s why a girl gets a fresh bouquet and immediately breathes them in deep.

Beauty has a high and holy power to turn our heads and turn our hearts. It is a beam, a shaft of light in the dark, and if we trace the beam back to the source, we see the beautiful God whose incredible mind created all of us and all of this, and we sing, Glory!

Last weekend my soul was aching to get up into the mountains, to escape the heat wave we’ve been suffering through, and also just to feel like we got away a bit from the house and our ordinary routines. We went with my parents for a picnic on Sunday afternoon to nearby Craggy Gardens. After dinner Noah kept begging us to go for a hike, so we meandered through one of the little hiking trails, walking slow, looking for things to wonder over, exploring and discovering, and phoebe collecting treasures, of course. Feathers, rocks, found string, pretty leaves, flowers. I find her little treasures all over the house, tucked in pockets, drawers, baskets. Fancy that, how to a child, every little thing can be heavy with significance and beauty and purpose.

(If you want to make your own flower press, some simple instructions can be found here or this is a cute one for purchase if you don’t have a handy man around. The book I snapped pictures of is this one here, a seasonally organized simple craft book using everyday items found around the house.)

settling back in

July 23, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

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I love being home. Our family trip to upstate New York was fun and restful in some ways, chaotic and exhausting in others, but regardless, it is always so nice to come home. When we drove in from NY on a Monday afternoon, Brandon had about two hours to quickly unpack and then repack before his flight left for a week-long work trip in California. So, even though we had a week back at home, it didn’t quite fully feel like we were “back to normal” without Brandon around.

This past week it was good to get back into our usual rhythms. I’ve noticed that I don’t quite feel settled into a place until I’ve been cooking or baking in it. Making that first loaf of homemade (gluten-free) bread and filling the house with that smell feels like coming home. I was busy this past week making gelatin gummies for the kids, a big batch of granola for Brandon and I, bread and “snack bars” galore. Phoebe has stopped eating her usual Lara Bar snack in the mornings and so I scramble to find something she will eat in place of it. She is pretty limited with what she will snack on and we are trying so desperately to increase her caloric intake, so for her to drop a favored food always sends me back to the drawing board and results in lots of receipe testing.

Our days have been simple. The weather has been roasting hot and humid (ugh), and the kids have still been busy outside, coming in with cheeks flushed with heat. I don’t love summer, but I try to make the best of it. Picking blueberries and flowers from local farmstands, and savoring the daily afternoon thunderstorms helps me endure it. Our little porch garden hasn’t done very well, and I miss having the larger plot we had at our last rental. Sigh. Dreams for the future. Yesterday we had a really informal “half-birthday” party for Phoebe and Noah at my parent’s neighborhood pool with their favorite little pals. I didn’t snap any pictures (gasp!) but it was fun all the same. Their half-birthday was really back in June (20th and 23rd) so when you celebrate the half-birthday late, what on earth do you call it? It was such a treat for the kids, though, who often find it hard to have a party with their friends around their birthdays (which are the week of Christmas). It was fun for me, too, to see the children playing and swimming together and gather with some of my favorite friends.

I’ve been busy finishing up a few knitted projects. My brother and sister-in-law brought back some yarn from Iceland for my birthday and I knitted some slippers for myself with one ball of it. I’ve tucked them away for winter but I’m already longing for those first cool wisps of fall air. I also finished up the Antartkis shawl that I made for a lady I used to babysit for back in my high school days. It was what I solely worked on during our trip to NY so I was able to finish it fairly quickly (for me) and she picked it up this week. I loved knitting it, especially since there was no purling and it was a really simple/easy pattern and yet still interesting. When I’m knitting something I grow attached to it in some way, all that time spent fingering the yarn and bent over it with concentration and enjoyment. It’s hard to give it away or to attach value to it, but also such a sweet thing to be able to make something special with my hands for someone else!

Phoebe’s homeschool co-op begins in about a month (!!!!!) and so my mind is shifting to all the projects around the house and all my piles of clutter and unfinished business that I hope to have organized before our first year of school begins. A friend has offered to give us a couple of twin beds for the kids, and so I think we’ll be rearranging bedrooms for the children. I’m craving a major house purge. I’m hoping to organize my desk area and clear out a little space that can be for schooling. I’m also hoping to squeeze in a camping trip with some friends before school begins, too. It feels way too soon to be talking about our first child going to school, and the sentimental part of me is resisting this big change, even though I’m super excited to begin, too. So many books to read! Curriculum still to pick out! School supplies! House projects! And still, to fit in time to read long snuggled with children on the couch, to stay up late for fireflies and late evening walks. I want to hurry through summer because fall is my favorite, but also am so mindful that this is our last summer EVER before our lives begin to revolve around school, and so I want to enjoy each muggy, buggy day.

the very favorites

July 16, 2016July 16, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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And yet in all of the festivities, these are the very best moments of all.

Morning coffee on the porch, everyone greeting the day slow, groggy-eyed holding warm mugs and snuggling.

Brothers bent over tackle box.

Auntie feeding nephew.

His little round tummy and bright happy eyes.

Sisters in a row, catching up and catching wind in their hair.

Sibling date (sans our kids!) in the town of Watkins Glen, getting pizza and Ben & Jerry’s and the most delightful little yarn store.

Walking the marina together.

Tubing and wakeboarding and running the boat until it ran dry.

Campfire gatherings in the evening, knitting and talking and playing guitar.

Squirt guns and barefoot bike rides and bubbles.

The boy coloring all over his body and face during nap time, “Line Man” as daddy declared him.

Mom and Dad stealing away for a tandem kayak in the whipping sun and wind.

Nap time watercolor quiet.

All the babies sleeping soundly under quilts.

Early morning glory in the sky and last sunsets set aflame with 4th of July fireworks.

All this glory, all these holy ordinary moments, hemmed in by sunrises and sunsets. Morning and evening, days ticking by, and us trying to squeeze from them every last drop, us trying to savor this never-to-be-repeated now. These are the very best moments of all, the ones we almost miss, the ones we pass over. It’s all good, but these are my favorite.

(Other trip posts here, here, and here.)

origins

July 14, 2016July 14, 2016 MarthaKimball3 Comments

These are among some of my favorite pictures from our New York trip. What special times they were, filled with a lot of significance for this family. One of the goals for our trip was to see Brandon’s family’s roots, the places where his parents grew up and met, the schools and streets they walked, the trails they frequented. Many of these places are also the soil for Brandon’s earliest and happiest memories. For years I have heard stories of all of these places–what a thing to be able to visit them and to watch the next generation running through these familiar fields.

So one day of our trip we spent hiking Watkins Glen State Park right by Seneca Lake, climbing through the moody canyon. The pictures speak for themselves, don’t they? It was gorgeous and when we finished a huge downpour threatened to fall, so we made it out in perfect time.

Another day we drove to Breesport, NY and drove through the rolling country roads to the big yellow house where they spent their first years as a family, caretaking for a big abandoned asylum. This house holds some of their happiest days, the house with the pond and a white duck named Ellen, who came when Brandon’s dad would call and laid eggs for their family to eat. The swing set they played on and the sloping hill that is perfect for sledding. From there we went onto Elmira, seeing Brandon’s grandparent’s home, visiting with them there, walking the grassy trail behind their house to the creek they caught crawdads and splashed in.

I count us fortunate to have been able to see and share these places with Brandon’s parents and grandparents while we still can!

a love worth traveling miles for

July 11, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

Our family trip began around the idea of a surprise 60th anniversary party for Brandon’s grandparent’s. What an incredible reason to gather! After some health scares and setbacks for grandpa earlier this year we were especially thankful to be able to visit with them and see their home and celebrate their commitment to one another for so many years. We are grateful for that incredible legacy! A surprise party was planned for the day after we arrived, and was very well executed, small and intimate and just the closest of family and friends. The best moment was seeing Gma walk through the door and her eyes widen as she realized over and over all these familiar faces circled before her, before bursting into tears. So worth it all to be a part of that moment. She had apparently been telling Brandon’s mom how much she wished she could see all the great grandkids but probably wouldn’t be traveling much now with grandpa’s health concerns. What a treat to come to her! We hugged and mingled and reconnected with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins, we introduced Gma and Gpa to Philippa, whom they haven’t met yet. We watched second cousins meet and share toys and play. We prayed and had dinner together and cake! Auntie Cerissa had made a special gluten-free cake just for Phoebe, which made her feel so loved. Afterwards I put my arm around Gma and asked her, “So tell me, what is the secret to sixty years of marriage?” She quickly responded, “Not keeping secrets!” And then she passed on a few other gems of advice, reminding me that no one is perfect and that we have to be thankful, forgive, laugh at ourselves, because sixty years is a long time!

As the shadows lengthened, we left the party and took the kids to a nearby little amusement park, just perfect for them. They’ve never experienced anything like that, so they were filled with glee running from ride to ride with their tickets. Philippa was obsessed with the “ore-sees” (horsey’s) on the merry-go-round and probably rode it several times over, eventually realizing the ticket was her way in, and just walking up to the gate with a ticket and waiting there until the attendant saw her. They all loved it and every day after Phoebe and Noah asked me if we could go back.

arriving

July 8, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

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Earlier in the year Brandon’s parents began talking to us about a family trip to upstate New York (where they are originally from) to surprise Brandon’s grandparents for their 60th wedding anniversary. We were really excited because 60 years of marriage is a huge accomplishment and worth the long haul to gather and celebrate. Also, we looked forward to seeing all of Brandon’s roots and having some time together as a family. Brandon’s dad offered to rent a large home on Seneca Lake that would house us all. Since it is about a 12-hour drive from home, we decided to split it up into two day chunks. The first day we drove (and by “we” I mean Brandon. He let me knit the whole way!) to Luray, Virginia, met up with everyone (Brandon’s parents, brother + wife + baby, and sister) and did a fun tour of Luray Caverns. We spent the night there, got up early and headed to Seneca Lake. Isn’t it gorgeous countryside?

The home Dad rented was just perfect. Absolutely beautiful and with an incredible sunrise view every morning, tucked away at the very end of a laneway situation behind a hops farm. The kids had been anticipating this for weeks and were nearly beside themselves with excitement to spend a whole week with Baba + Nain (Brandon’s parents) at a lake! After we arrived, we unloaded and promptly deep-cleaned the entire kitchen (making it a gluten-free celiac safe-zone for our Phoebe girl, such a gift to us!), the kids were out on the water. Brandon took them all out for a paddle boat ride, and then Phoebe wanted to upgrade to a tandem kayak with Baba before deciding she would just manage her own little boat. She is pretty amazing in the water, fearless and quick to learn.

The next morning Brandon was trying to sneak out of our room at the crazy hour of 4:45 or something. He couldn’t wait to go fishing. I crept out after him and literally gasped when I looked out toward the dock and saw the sun swelling up just ready to burst over the horizon. I grabbed my camera and nearly ran out to get pictures and take it in. It was so serene and stunning, we couldn’t help but get up at least by 5 am every morning to catch each sunrise. It’s dumb, I’m sure–we should have been sleeping in on vacation–but we don’t get to see that kind of glory every day and in our minds, it was worth it. Every day boasted a different sky, each sunrise and sunset entirely new. It was pretty incredible and I relished the early morning quiet, reading, sipping coffee, knitting to the quiet sounds of the lake.

summer getaway

June 24, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

We’re heading out of town so the blog will be quiet for a week or so, most likely! We have a long drive ahead of us and a week by a quiet lake to look forward to, gathered close with family. I’m looking forward to laughter, snuggles, sleeping a little later, having uninterrupted time with Brandon, reading, knitting, journaling, and reconnecting with loved ones! Share all about it with you guys soon. ❤ Until then, happy summering in your corner of the world.

june celebrations

June 20, 2016 MarthaKimballLeave a comment

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The middle of June is celebratory for us, my birthday as well as my mom’s being on the 14th (yes, we share a day!) and then Father’s Day just a few days later. It feels apt for the very middle of the year, half gone by, to mark it with some feasting and cake.

My birthday fell on a Tuesday, the most ordinary day of the week, which is just fine and dandy by me. I’ve always felt a bit like a plain and ordinary sort of girl. I was successful, however, in finagling Brandon into celebrating my day over the course of a few days. 🙂 The Saturday prior to my Tuesday, we had a few hours without the kids to walk through a few shops downtown and grab a bite to eat at a favorite sandwich spot. On my day, B offered to take me out to dinner, but I really feel like a breakfast out is my kind of deal, so we took the whole fam to one of our favorite local spots, the Corner Kitchen in Biltmore Village. This is maybe one of the first times we’ve taken Phoebe to a non-gluten free restaurant, so we packed her own bowl and cereal and milk, and it was a little stressful knowing the environment wasn’t gluten-free, but I think we all felt pretty special being able to eat together as a family at a restaurant and I don’t think Phoebe even noticed that she didn’t have anything off of the menu. That girl loves her Nature’s Path cheerios. Brandon went off to work as usual, the day was a little hectic for me with errands, and then in the afternoon we gathered at my parent’s house to celebrate together with my mom and the rest of the family around. My mom even ordered a special birthday cake made by a local restaurant that has a dedicated gluten-free kitchen, Posanas. They made a decadent chocolate ganache cake for us, and it was extra special because we could all eat it together!

B wasn’t supposed to get me anything for my birthday, but he ended up surprising me at home with a couple new bath supplies that he picked out for me at Earth Fare. He is so cute, knowing that I love lavender and tea tree, and finding a few things to surprise me with. I think my cards from all the family this year were my favorite, I received such sweet and life-giving words from siblings and parents and Brandon. Of course, words mean a lot to this gal. My parents went above and beyond, spoiling me with some new all-clad cookware (!!!) as we have been using the same pots for the last 10 years, some kind of target teflon pots that have been all scrapped to smithereens, probably killing us slowly with carcinogens day by day. I’ve been trying to switch to stainless steel and cast iron as I can afford it, so I am so excited and thankful!

Later in the week, Phoebe and I got around to making a (grain-free) lemon lavender ricotta cheesecake together from Nancy Cain’s cookbook. We love pulling on our aprons together, she always picks the yellow one, and I the red and white one my grandma sewed for me. We put it in the oven and went out for a walk in the neighborhood, then got distracted chatting with a neighbor and suddenly remembered our cheesecake baking away, and hurried back home. It was a little too browned, I would say, but just delicious! I meant to have some whipped cream to top it with, but forgot, and the kids actually loved it, which surprised me. Usually they don’t like lemony things.

My birthday always seems to coincide with the blooming of the hostas, their regal green necks and purple crowns. Different things blooming all year long mark the turning of the seasons for us, without our even realizing it half the time. I feel so incredibly blessed this birthday. I really am living my dream, mother to three precious children by the side of the man I adore. Even in the midst of the regular challenges and trails of life, I am really content. Or at the very least, learning contentment. I read this scripture this morning, “You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory” (Psalm 73:24). What peace! What a life! What an incredible gift. All of my days, guided by his loving, good counsel, keeping me in the path that leads to peace and blessing, and then afterwards, He’s just going to take me right on into glory. GLORY. My soul can’t help but sing a hallelujah to that. I find that the hardest seasons that I am facing are only making His presence and grace all the sweeter, instead of pulling me away from Him, and what a mercy that is! That is certainly a work of His Spirit in me, not of my own wandering flesh. The Psalm goes on, one of my very favorite passages of all time, one I can almost never read without crying: “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26). He really is enough for us. There really is hardship and heartache that threatens to break us, but the reality is, Jesus won for us everything we need to be content when He won salvation for us on the cross. There is nothing that can truly shake us, nothing that can steal that peace and security and joy that He won for us. What a priceless gift!

After all of that celebrating me, it felt quite appropriate to turn out attention to Daddy on Sunday. We stayed home from church because Philippa had been up most of the night coughing. There’s something very grounding and restful for us in staying home for a full day and being all together. It was a gift. B did work on a table he’s building in the garage, I sat near him and knitted, played guitar, sang hymns. The kids rode bikes up and down the street with a neighbor boy they befriended, and I carted children in the bike trailer for rides. We were outside all day until late in the evening, cooking hot dogs wrapped in a grain-free pretzel dough over the fire. It was a nearly perfect evening, until I realized how shallowly Philippa was breathing and how raspy she sounded. I whisked her off to the ER and didn’t get home until around 1 am. So, there was that. (She was laboring a bit too much to breathe, they did a breathing treatment and she’s on a round of steroids, but already improving.) Brandon cleaned everything up, bathed the other kids and tucked them into bed, washed the dishes and kitchen, then sat out by the fire reading late into the evening waiting for me and the baby to get home. That’s the kind of Daddy he is, even on “his” day, doing what needs to be done, serving. We love him so much, he really is our whole world in so many ways. Happy Father’s Day to all of you Daddy’s out there!

setbacks

June 17, 2016 MarthaKimball2 Comments

It’s been hot here this week, at least in my opinion. I’m a big baby when it comes to heat. We’re keeping a little kiddie pool filled on our porch for the kids to play in and cool off, which they often swim in in their undies and then run around the yard like little wild indians. We try not to appear too white-trash but sometimes you do what you must to keep kids outdoors and away from screens while it’s hot and humid.

June has been sort of up and down. My brother and his new bride came for a visit early in the month after their honeymoon to Iceland, and we had a blast soaking up as much time with them as we could during that weekend. Phoebe is quite attached to her new auntie.

I took Phoebe for a weigh-in recently and found she had lost a little more weight and her BMI has dropped again from 7% to 4%. I know overall since her diagnosis we have seen her gain about 5 pounds and gain a few inches in height, but the fact that she keeps gaining and losing and not having the kind of “catch-up” recovery that the research suggests she should has me worried. We’ve been keeping a food journal the last week and going over her caloric intake with her nutritionist and she believes we should try and get another 400 calories per day into Phoebe. That’s NO SMALL FEAT, I tell you. It’s hard not to be discouraged and to feel like we are facing impossibilities. It’s hard to not grow weary in this work and throw my hands up in frustration. But sometimes you go on simply because you just have no other option. This is the hand that has been given us, and this is the work the Lord has given in this season. It makes me fall on my face a lot, yet I can see so much good in it all, even though I find my soul complaining often. Some days are good and we feel strong and capable, other days the fear rages and the weariness threatens. I have learned to be honest with the Lord and to just walk with Him in it all. I cannot tell you what a comfort the Psalms have been to me in this season. I am listening to them constantly on Sandra Maccracken’s new cd Psalms and also Shane and Shane’s Psalms, Vol. 2. I’m reading them daily in Tim Keller’s book The Songs of Jesus. I cannot tell you how often I don’t have words, yet the Psalms somehow impart them and pull the words out of my soul in prayer to God. His Word is like oxygen to me. We press on in hope and trust.

I’ve been helped by Sara Groves’ words in this video as she shares some about her struggle with depression and anxiety, specifically her question “What is the Gospel that saves me?” When the anxiety builds, I come back to this. What is the Gospel that saves me? Health? Ease? A thriving child? These things are legitimate longings of my heart, but will my soul survive if God doesn’t give these things? At the end of the day, my hope isn’t in a certain result, it can’t be, because that is a frail hope. At the end of the day, my hope must be in Jesus and the promise of a secure future with Him no matter what comes on this green earth, a future where He will finally heal all disease and right all wrongs. I am beginning to understand Jonathon Edwards’ plea: “Lord, stamp eternity on my eyeballs.” If I can shift my perspective, usually my view of the present changes and I am able to find my way through.

By the end of the summer if we haven’t seen considerable growth in Phoebe, our nutritionist is recommending we seek a second opinion by a pediatric celiac specialist, which will entail some travel to either Georgia, Boston, or Chicago. Pray with me for growth? And for wisdom and endurance in the journey.

In other random bits and pieces of news, I’ve been taking a few photos for my dad and husband’s building and remodeling company for their website and also to make a little extra income. We were out snapping pictures of a gorgeous deck they built recently, and the kids were happy to see daddy and what he was working on. I had to snip off my little Noah-man’s beautiful curls this morning. He needed a bit less hair in all this summer heat, and I needed to see his eyes again. I don’t do a terribly great job, but at least it’s free and he doesn’t mind my imperfect cuts.

I still love June, even with all of its ups and downs.

when you feel like it all depends on you

June 9, 2016June 9, 2016 MarthaKimball1 Comment

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There seems to be a magic to these longer June evenings, where the light stretches long and we let the kids stay up a little later just to savor it. This is our last summer before we start schooling, and it is sobering a little. I was reminded earlier this week that we only have 18 summers with our children. I only have 13 left with Phoebe. I read these words by Ann Voskamp earlier this week and brim with tears. Soon I will be on the other side of all of these busy childrearing years. And so I make plans and ideas to really enjoy this summer together, most of them simple. And the laundry overflows, the bills pile, the decisions need to be made, and the headlines scream news that breaks my heart and makes me feel helpless.

And we have dinner together as we usually do, and I laugh as I look over to see Noah pushing buttons on his pretend phone. We have a “no phones at the table” rule, we remind him with twinkling eyes. He says he is “just checking the Bible,” already wise to the powers of persuasion.

They bathe and get in their jammies, and then beg us to go out for a walk. We relent, and I grab my camera as we head out the door. Phoebe carries a bucket to collect her treasures (whatever flowers, pinecones, and leaves that catch her eye). We head down to our little neighborhood lake to check on the new baby goslings, and are happy to see momma duck and all 8 of her ducklings. We tell the kids to sit down and be quiet so we don’t scare them away and much to our surprise, momma duck brings all her babies right up the hillside to us. They are peeping quietly and pecking around on the road and then promptly head back to the water. It is such a sweet moment, all the children hushed in wonder. It is as if momma duck wanted to show off all her babies to us. This will be our third summer in this neighborhood and the first time there has been so much wildlife at the lake. It provides a lot of opportunities to teach and observe and then go find library books and explore topics and questions further.

And I quiet my soul and praise God for the way He provides perspective. My soul hungers for wilderness places, even ones as tame as our little lake, because I remember, I see again. Getting up into the high places far from the noise of machines and man, as my husband and I did recently, gives perspective. I see the city and houses lying far below, tucked into the hillside and valleys and I wonder at God’s perspective. How small we all are! How tiny our little homes and streets and lights and city buildings! In the grand wide world, smaller still. But then to get knees down in the dirt of my own plot of ground and wonder at how much is going on here without my involvement or help or notice — fiddleheads unfurling, birds finding food and shelter, trees growing leaves again, bees pollinating, ducklings hatching. What a vast bounty is here, teaching me of the abundance of God through the incredible diversity and variety of creation. The species of trees and flowers that I cannot even name or identify, the rain that falls on the mountain peaks dripping through the mossy ground into springs that form streams of water cutting down the valley and crevices, nurturing it all, slowly finding its way into my kitchen sink.

God is above it all. God looks on it all. God sustains it all. God does not need my help in order to accomplish it all. This land is a loud song of His abundance. His creativity. His ability. His goodness. His control + sovereignty.

This land is a loud song of my smallness.
My dependency.
My limitations.
My frailty.
My humility.

These are good things to remember.

And maybe you need to remember, too. Even a small walk in your neighborhood or a nearby trail with the intent of noticing the small things, the hidden things that are growing and living without a hint of your involvement, can be helpful. It can help loose the tight bonds of worry and fear and self-sufficiency, to a joyful restful dependency on a good God.

The laundry, the gritty floors, the decisions, the finances, the needs and the headlines: it all matters, and I am responsible to be a faithful with what He gives me, busy working. But He holds me together. It is all falling apart, but He holds me together. He holds you together.

Do you not know? Do you not hear?
    Has it not been told you from the beginning?
    Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?
It is he who sits above the circle of the earth,
    and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers;
who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
    and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;
who brings princes to nothing,
    and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness.

Scarcely are they planted, scarcely sown,
scarcely has their stem taken root in the earth,
when he blows on them, and they wither,
and the tempest carries them off like stubble.

To whom then will you compare me,
    that I should be like him? says the Holy One.
Lift up your eyes on high and see:
    who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
    calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
    and because he is strong in power
    not one is missing.

Why do you say, O Jacob,
    and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
    and my right is disregarded by my God”?
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
    his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
    and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
    and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:21-31

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